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10 Signs You and Your Chat Mate Have Become More Than Friends (And You Might Be Unknowingly Cheating on Your Partner)

Updated on August 24, 2009

Married and maintaining online friendship with a member of the opposite sex? Sure, a lot of people (married or otherwise) turn to the internet for friendships and a host of other reasons. This one is different though. The scenario involves people who never intended to get entangled in a web called “chatting” since they are committed to their spouses or a significant other.

Let’s add a little twist. The chat mate can be any of the following: 1) She could be your wife’s best friend; 2) He could be a high school buddy of your husband; 3) She could be a co-worker or a neighbor; 4) He could even be your husband’s boss—and other seemingly unlikely (yet possible) scenarios. Thing is, there was an initial exchange that was innocent enough. Your partner may have even known about that very first chat but thought nothing more of it.

When your partner did not object to that first contact, you felt quite safe enough to continue chatting for the sake of knowing more about the kinds of people your partner knows or deals with. Soon, the time you spend with the chat mate keeps getting longer and longer. Then once a certain degree of friendship has been established, chat time moves on to include viewing each other on cam.

Then came the realization that something has subtly yet definitely changed -- but can’t give it a name. You may start questioning then rationalizing the sanity of going on with it. You find yourself thinking, “Have we crossed the boundaries of friendship?” Well, no one but you can gauge whether or not you have. Take stock of your actions, thoughts and feelings. You may have, if you experience any of the following signs:

  1. You are more excited about catching him/her online than seeing your partner on the door.
  2. You want to see how your chat mate looks like when he/she just woke up.
  3. When you quickly go online and chat while your partner sleeps or takes a shower.
  4. You find yourself thinking about him/her while sharing an intimate moment with your partner.
  5. You find something amusing and wish you could share it with him/her.
  6. You cannot make up your mind whether to log out or keep watching him/her even when you’re running late or your partner already called to say he/she is waiting for you in a restaurant for a dinner date.
  7. When it’s okay when your partner is away on a business trip or extended vacation as long as you see your chat mate.
  8. When you feel like there’s something amiss after just a day of not seeing your chat mate.
  9. When you have started using terms of endearment for one another.
  10. When the very thought of stopping what you currently enjoy doing is like a physical pain—it takes a wrench to make you stop and wish you can be physically together at last.

The list is rather short. There are other signs and if everyone who reads this would add a personal experience, it could surely go up from ten to over a thousand. And if truth be told, a lot of people who have sincerely started online friendship with a member of the opposite sex have faced the challenge of keeping it that way.

Some may have been wise enough to know when to stop. Others may have taken the plunge and went further. Still, there maybe those who are still struggling and praying for courage to stop. Just a piece of advice for the last group: go offline from your chat account—and sign up for a account— you’d be surprised how much more fun it is to use your creative juices in starting a hub than just waiting for that chap or lass to send you a buzz.


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    • sandylongman profile image

      sandylongman 7 years ago

      Great Hub!!!! So true!!!If you can take the time I wrote something similar at let me know what you think?



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      jennyvie 5 years ago

      hi cn u b my chatmate

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      dave 3 years ago

      hi helow how are you

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      cynthia 3 years ago

      Hi wanna have chatma



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