11 Cool Ways to Get Along with Your Spouse
How to Get Along with Your Spouse
You May Also Need to Get Along with Your Spouse
Ama has been married to Kwadwo for two years. They have a beautiful baby daughter. Ama has frequent fights with her husband because she thinks he is difficult to live with.
“He does not respect me. When I complain about that, he shouts at me. Sometimes I feel it’s because he is from a wealthy home, whilst I come from a poor background. If I had known this was how he was going to behave in marriage, I may not have agreed to marry him. Anyway, once I am in it, I might as well do my best to make it work for the sake of my daughter,” she says with a sad smile on her face.
I am sure many married people will identify with Ama. You may also be in a marriage in which your partner makes things difficult for you. Yet, you do not want to divorce.
How do you get along with your spouse so that you do not break up?
Deal with Internal Conflicts
Internal conflicts can affect your emotions negatively and destabilize you mentally, making you irritable. This could make you make big issues out of small issues, which will lead to fights.
Therefore, if you want to get along with your spouse, make sure you deal you’re your thoughts, especially those about hurtful things you went through when you were growing up, or about an ex who treated you badly and who you think your spouse behaves like. Anger against your ex could cloud your judgment and make it difficult to love your spouse.
Secondly, deal with negative thoughts you have about your spouse. For example, you may feel jealous of your spouse because he or she has a better job, or they may be privileged to come from a well-to-do home, whilst you come from a poor home. They may pass comments or insinuate that they have better manners, and as a result you may feel bitter. Harboring such feelings will only make it hard for you to get along with your spouse.
Treat Your Spouse with Respect
If you want to get along with your spouse, you must treat him or her with maximum respect. This will make your spouse have good will towards you, which will influence him or her to treat you with decorum and romantic reverence.
You must try at all times to avoid calling your spouse names or making demeaning statements about your husband, or wife. Name calling or trying to demean your spouse will only make them distance themselves emotionally, which will make it difficult for you to connect emotionally, thereby making it hard to get along with your spouse.
Moreover, try to avoid threatening your spouse, trying to intimidate him or her, or trying to manipulate them. It is likely to make your spouse take a defensive posture, which means they may also want to fight back, and this is likely to create tension and fights in the home.
One thing that normally prevents many spouses from getting along with their better-half is the way they communicate with their spouse, or the way their spouses pass on information to them.
This is very crucial, for saying the wrong things can inflame the passion of your spouse and make him or her aggressive towards you. In addition, saying the right thing at the wrong time can be misinterpreted by your spouse, and this could lead to disagreements.
It is very important to first have a clear understanding of what exactly you want to communicate to your spouse before you even talk, especially when you are in an angry mood, if you want to get connected to your spouse. So many thoughts and ideas will pass through your mind when you are in such a state.
It is important to note that it is not everything which comes to your mind which you have to blurt out. Some things must remain unsaid for peace to prevail in the house, and to make it easier for you to get along with your spouse.
Spilling whatever comes to your mind out just because you are angry has repercussions, which could be your spouse will also get angry and refuse to talk to you, or your spouse may decide to revenge by insulting you, which may lead to a “verbal war,” ultimately destroying the harmony in the marriage.
Watch Your Body Language
Some spouses are hurt when they want to have quality time with their spouses to share their desires and dreams, but their spouses, either intentionally or inadvertently, show signs that they are not interested in what their spouse is saying. Your spouse will feel ignored when you do this, making them bitter, which could cause them to seek attention from another person, thereby making them have an affair.
Therefore, watch the signals you put across when you are having a conversation with your spouse. Make sure you look into the eyes of your spouse when they are speaking to you. It shows you are interested in what he or she is saying.
In addition, avoid sniffling, or shuffling , or looking at your watch. These things will tell your spouse you think he or she is wasting your time. All these gestures will dampen the cordiality between you two, making it difficult for you to get along with your spouse.
Don't be Judgmental
Some spouses are afraid to express their inner feelings, share dreams with their spouses, or give advice and ideas because they think their spouse will feel they are not intelligent, or their thoughts are “childish.”
Therefore, they keep their feelings to themselves. This hurts rapport in the marriage and hurts camaraderie, and can fuel bitterness towards the other person.
You must therefore show your spouse you are open to any idea or thought he or she will come up with, even if you think it is outrageous.
Nevertheless, encourage them to share even the silly thoughts and feelings they have. Try to spot some good points in those ideas. Make the necessary modifications you think should be made to their ideas, or say you have a better idea. Then, give your idea. Together try to fuse both ideas to get an idea that both of you will accept.
If your spouse feels that you will never judge him or her , they are more likely to open up to you regularly, and this will help you to get along with your spouse.
Don't be Selfish
Some spouses never think of the feelings of their partner , or how their actions can affect their spouse. Behaving this way will make your spouse think you don’t really love him or her, and it may make them find ways to get back at you which may include picking quarrels with you, or giving you the cold shoulder.
So, you must make it a point to consider how what you say or do will affect your spouse before you act.
One area where some spouses can be very selfish is in the area of making time for their spouses. Most of the time we find it difficult to do this because we take on too many responsibilities, or we want to do too many things at the same time.
You want to be a member of your old school’s association, hold two positions in church, and be a community leader in your neighborhood, all at the same time. All these responsibilities will demand your time and make it very difficult to spend time with your spouse.
Refusing to accept some of these responsibilities, or letting some opportunities go so that you can have time for your spouse, will go a long way to enhance your marriage.
A lot of spouses show they don’t care about what troubles their spouse is going through at work, or about the efforts their spouses are making to train the children well.
How do they do these? By not asking questions about how their spouse’s day went at work, or about the struggles she is going through to take care of the children.
Showing such an attitude will make your spouse have no motivation to want to please you, which means he or she may become reckless in the relationship, and they may fall out of love with you.
- Find out how your spouse’s day went when they come back from work. This is how to really get acquainted with your spouse and share their burdens.
- Ask questions about what went on at work. It will make your spouse see that you think about them when they are working, and they will work with more enthusiasm.
- Tell your wife you appreciate all the efforts she is making to take care of your children. Do not assume because it is her responsibility she deserves no commendation for doing that difficult duty.
You must make it a habit to forgive, even if your spouse does not merit forgiveness or does not ask for forgiveness, if you want to get along with your spouse.
Forgiveness frees your mind to make you your spouse’s friend again. It clears your heart of bitterness and helps you to fill it with love for your spouse again. It cleanses your spirit and makes your spirit one with your spouse’s spirit again.
Thus, find it in your heart to let go of emotional pain by remembering that you married your spouse because you loved him or her. You married him or her because you felt something for them, and knew they had something that would help you to enrich your life. Never forget that, and it will make it easier to forgive and move on.
Be Willing to Compromise
You will need to compromise in certain situations for the greater good of the marriage. When you make it easier for your spouse this way, his or her affection is likely to be maintained, and they will be predisposed to want to make you happy too.
Don't be Proud
When your spouse feels you are behaving arrogantly towards them, they will find it difficult to show love to you, thereby making it difficult for you to get along with your spouse.
Pride takes many forms and shows itself through arrogance rooted in insecurity.
What are some of the ways in which we show pride to our spouses?
- By refusing to face facts about our weaknesses and failures which affect the marriage.
- By refusing to say, “I was wrong. What I did was bad,” when we wrong our spouse.
- By refusing to acknowledge the efforts our spouse makes to make us comfortable in the marriage.
- By using our spouse’s bad upbringing to tease them or ridicule them.
- By constantly referring to the better education we received, or the money we get at work, to show that we are smarter than our spouse.
- By thinking we are too big to do certain things in the house, such as picking up our clothes and putting them in the laundry basket , or refusing to make love to our spouse when we are hurt.
Accept Them for Who They Are
You will find it extremely difficult to get along with your spouse if you think he or she is a piece of clay that you can easily mold into another form to suit your taste. If you think you can “remote control” your spouse so that they will behave how you want them to every time, you will be greatly disappointed, and you will find it hard to get along with your spouse.
Understanding that your spouse is who they are, and giving them the freedom to be themselves , will lead to less friction and tension between the two of you, and you will feel comfortable in the relationship.
You must make the effort to get along with your spouse, if you want to keep the excitement in your marriage, sustain the love in the relationship, make the marriage work, and if you want the marriage to grow stronger. It might involve putting your pride aside at times, but if you love your spouse, that is a very small price to pay.
How to Get Along with Your Spouse
Do you think you get along well with your spouse?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio