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13 Amazing Ways to Cope with an Unhappy Marriage
How to Cope with an Unhappy Marriage
You may have dreamt of a fabulous marriage— a marriage in which your spouse would treasure you, show you love every day, bring you breakfast in bed, and also one in which he would be very romantic. However, here you are in this loveless relationship, struggling every day to cope with an unhappy marriage.
There are various strategies you can adopt to ensure that you survive in an unhappy marriage. This article will show you some of these strategies and also what to do when you are not happy in your marriage so that you can go on living a meaningful life.
But first, let us look at some of the indicators that will tell you that you are in an unhappy marriage.
Unhappy Marriage Signs
Some of the signs that will tell you that you are in an unhappy marriage are
- complaining constantly about your spouse;
- refraining from confiding in your spouse, but feeling comfortable when sharing your worries and fears with other people;
- not enjoying conversations with your partner;
- not showing affection for your spouse;
- not appreciating whatever your spouse does for you;
- feeling attracted to someone else; and
- blaming your spouse for everything that goes wrong in the marriage.
If you notice some or all of these signs in your marriage, it must tell you that you are in an unhappy marriage.
So, how do you deal with the situation?
Come to Terms with the Situation
Accept the fact that in life your expectations can be crushed and things can go very wrong sometimes. Admit to yourself that you are one of the unfortunate people on Earth who find themselves in unhappy marriages. When you adopt such an attitude, it will prevent you from having inner conflicts. As a result, you will have inner peace.
After you accept the situation, encourage yourself with positive words such as, “Well, it’s not the end of life. I can still have happy days and make myself happy even if my spouse will not make me happy. Others have far worse marriages than mine. I will take life one day at a time and see what happens.” Adopting such an attitude will give you hope, make you optimistic, and help you to combat depression.
Accept That it Will Be Hard
Tune your mind to the fact that you will no longer enjoy some of the romantic benefits of a marriage, such as the warm affection of your spouse, respect and consideration, and date nights at home. Acknowledge that it will be difficult to live without these romantic privileges, but do not be depressed. Rather, make up your mind that you will endure the situation and learn to live without these privileges. Say something such as, “It is no big deal if I don’t get any hugs and kisses. I will be fine. The important thing is that I have life and that means there is hope. I will do something meaningful with my life,” to yourself.
Don't Blame Yourself
Do not accept that you are responsible for making the marriage an unhappy one. Think to yourself such as, “I did some wrong things which have contributed to creating this unhappy marriage. But my spouse also did some wrong things. I am not to blame entirely for this unhappy marriage. Both of us contributed to making this marriage what it is.” Thinking in such a manner will prevent you from getting depressed.
You should adopt this attitude especially when you are in an unhappy marriage, but which you can’t leave due to your religious beliefs or cultural traditions. When you refrain from blaming yourself, you will not feel guilty, depressed, and miserable. Consequently, you will be in the right frame of mind to cope with the unhappy marriage.
Hope Things Will Change
Adopt the mental attitude which says, “I don’t think this is the end of this marriage. Things can change. Things will change. I won’t give up on this marriage. I know some way, some how, we can work through our differences, correct our mistakes, and improve this marriage. There is hope for this marriage. I believe so.” Having hope will make you positive about the situation and that will put you in a frame of mind which can help you to think positively so that you can come up with ideas which can help you to salvage the marriage.
Read Inspiring Stories Every Day
A study carried out by the University of Sussex revealed that reading can help to reduce stress. Therefore, try to read a book every day so that you can deal with the stress of living with a spouse who does not make you happy.
One of the best books you can read to cope with an unhappy marriage is the Bible. This book contains lots of stories of people who overcame challenges and lived fulfilling lives. There are the stories of Esther, Job, Daniel, and Naomi which have encouraged thousands of people through the generations.
Therefore, read your Bible every morning before you go to work. Furthermore, in the evening when you come home, read it before you retire for the day. You will be encouraged and your spirit will be strengthened to help you endure your situation.
Appreciate Yourself Every Day
Your spouse may say words to you that may make you doubt your qualities, talents, and abilities. Moreover, the lack of love and affection in the marriage may make you look down on yourself. As a result, you may lose your self-confidence.
One thing you can do to boost your self-confidence so that you can cope with being in an unhappy marriage, is to appreciate yourself every day.
- Stand in front of your mirror and look at your image for a few minutes every day. Smile and feel grateful that you have such a wonderful body.
- Appreciate all the wonderful things you are able to do with the different parts of your body. Appreciate your hands for the fact that they can help you to manipulate objects. Appreciate those wonderful “cameras” on your face which help you to see the wonders in God’s beautiful world. Appreciate your legs for the fact that thye make you mobile, and so on.
- Remember happy times you have enjoyed with your family, friends, and with your husband. Bring some of those memories to mind and ruminate on them. Let these thoughts make you feel blessed that you have people who love you.
- Think about the good things you have done for people—the charitable acts you have done for strangers, and the kind words you have said to people. It will make you feel that there is some goodness in you and that will make you feel happy.
The Bible says in Proverbs 17v22 that, “A cheerful heart is a good medicine, but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.” In other words, making an effort to be cheerful can help cure you of worries and anxieties. It can also help to lift your spirit so that the doom and gloom hanging over the unhappy marriage will not dampen your ability to enjoy your life. Furthermore, adopting a cheerful disposition or creating a cheerful atmosphere around yourself can help you to deal with the stress associated with an unhappy marriage.
One way you can be cheerful is to spend a lot of time with funny people who can make you laugh and forget your sorrows. Therefore, visit your friends and family members who add wit and humor to conversations and who make you feel at ease whenever you are in their company. Enjoy their company and let them make you laugh.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude and it will make you feel better about yourself. It will make you optimistic and happy so that the bad circumstances will not make you feel sad.
When you feel good about yourself, you can relate to your spouse better. Consequently, you can improve your relationship. This will increase the chances that you can sit down with your spouse to settle the issues which are making you unhappy in the marriage.
Do Kind Acts for Your Spouse
Continue to show kindness to your spouse. Thank him when he does you a favor. Give him a loan when he is hard on cash. Continue to buy gifts for him. Take care of him when he is sick. This will help you to build bridges with your spouse so that you can take steps to save your marriage.
Talk to Someone
There are a lot of married people who are also living in unhappy marriages. Some of these people have experiences they can share with you to help you cope with your unhappy marriage.
Find such people in your community or at your workplace.Tell them about what you are going through and ask them to give you tips that can help you to cope with your unhappy marriage. Subsequently, use the knowledge you acquire to influence your spouse so that you can make the marriage work.
In addition to getting valuable tips and tricks, you will also get psychological and emotional relief, when you share your problem with someone. This is because when you put your experiences and feelings into words and release them to another person, you will feel less burdened and that will help to heal you emotionally.
Enjoy Yourself Alone
The fact that your spouse does not have time for you does not mean you cannot have time for yourself and make yourself feel loved. So, schedule nights on which you will enjoy yourself alone. Go to a restaurant alone and give yourself a treat.
Alternatively, cook your favorite meal at home and eat it to the accompaniment of your favorite music. Or, you may choose to go to an amusement park alone and enjoy yourself. Pamper yourself and love yourself.
Studies have shown that when you pray for your spouse it can impact positively on your marriage and make your spouse more committed to the marriage. When you can get your spouse to show a lot more commitment to the marriage, it can make him or her desire to find solutions to what is causing the disaffection in the marriage. Consequently, your spouse could change his or her behavior and co-operate with you so that you can make a happy marriage.
Therefore, pray consistently for your spouse every day. You may pray a prayer such as, “Dear God, I am happy that you have given me this privilege to share my love with Isaac. We have enjoyed some wonderful times together and I want to thank you for creating Isaac for me. However, I am not happy in the marriage anymore. Isaac does not spend time with me. He does not show me affection. He does not respect me and he is not as considerate now as he was when we first got married. Father, please touch the heart of Isaac so that he will desire to do the things that will make me happy in the marriage. Help us to resolve our differences so that we can make this marriage a happy one again. Amen.”
To cope with an unhappy marriage, you must find ways to make yourself happy so that the negative circumstances will not overcome your resolve to make the marriage work.
Do your best to get along with your spouse. In addition, try to be a great spouse, do your best to bring an improvement into the marriage, and believe that when you persevere things will get better. In due time, you may see positive changes in your marriage.
How to Cope with an Unhappy Marriage
Are you happy in your marriage?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio