12 Amazing Ways to Cope With an Unhappy Marriage
How to Cope with an Unhappy Marriage
You may have dreamed of a fabulous marriage— a marriage in which your spouse would treasure you, show you love every day, bring you breakfast in bed and so on.
Unfortunately, your marriage is not working the way you imagined and you are worried about the situation. What can you do to cope with an unhappy marriage?
Let us find out a few things you can do to endure the situation.
Do Not Let the Situation Dominate You
Resolve to keep on living. Make a decision to continue to enjoy yourself despite the unfortunate situation. Choose to make the best out of life and think often of all your dreams and visions for your life. Let them inspire you to desire to live a fulfilling life, instead of brooding about the negative circumstances and the fact that you are living in an unhappy marriage.
Have the Proper Attitude Towards the Situation
Troubles and hardships offer us an opportunity to prove the genuineness of our love for our spouses. So, see the situation as a trial of your love for your spouse.
Remind yourself that the trial is the means by which your love for your spouse is being tested and purified of its impurities so that you can become a better lover.
Trials also produce patience. Think to yourself that when you come through the trial victoriously you will be stronger and more unwavering as you face the problems of marriage day after day.
Furthermore, remind yourself often that the trial will help you to build your character so that you will grow as a spouse , mature, and become a whole and complete person.
Joy is a feeling that does not depend on what is happening around you or on your negative circumstances but rather it has its springs deep down inside the heart . It is the quiet confident assurance that God loves you inspite of your situation, the certainty that He is there to help you no matter what you are going through.
Having joy will help to keep you calm and relaxed so that you can enjoy our every day as a gift from God.
How can you have this joy?
- Have a single mind that seeks single-hearted devotion to Jesus. Serve Him in whatever capacity you can, witness for Him, or take on responsibilities in Church, and as a result the difficulties you are encountering in your marriage will not rob you of your peace of mind.
- Do not worry about the situation. When worries attempt to come into your mind, think about the happy times you have enjoyed in your marriage. Think about happy marriages of your friends and relatives and be happy for them. Think about the promotion that is coming or about the car that you are about to buy.
- Sing inspirational songs to yourself whenever you feel sad or troubled about the situation. It will help to lift your spirit.
Research shows that exercising makes your body release chemicals that makes one feel good about himself or herself. Exercising regularly will help you to feel great and that will prevent you from feeling depressed as a result of the negative situation.
Therefore, plan a daily regimen of at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercises into your busy schedule. Make time for it every morning and evening of every day.
- Walk briskly from one end of your bedroom to the other. Repeat it about 50 times.
- Leave your car at a distance from the restaurant where you are going to have your lunch and walk briskly to the entrance of the restaurant.
- Jog around your neighborhood early in the morning before you go to work.
- Run a distance of about five miles on weekends.
- Go swimming on Saturday mornings. Splash and thrash excitedly in the water and have fun for about an hour and you will feel refreshed and in great spirits.
Socialize on Facebook
- Join Facebook groups that have been set up to support and help people living in unhappy marriages. Read the stories of couples who are also going through your situation. When you know that other couples are going through the same thing and are dealing with it effectively, and are still surviving and finding some order in life it will strengthen you.
- Share your experiences, fears, and worries about your situation with members of those groups. Then, ask for advice from them about what you can do to cope with your unhappy marriage. You will receive some intelligent tips which you can implement to bring an improvement into your marriage.
- Alternately, start a Facebook group for people living in unhappy marriages. Encourage them to share their experiences as you share yours. Schedule “Facebook Therapy Meetings” for Saturday evenings so that you can all come online at that time to diffuse your individual tensions. Furthermore, the warmth you generate as you encourage each other and express candid views will help to heal you emotionally. Additionally, support and help each other so that you can generate ideas to help you improve your marriages as well as generate ideas which you can use to help influence your spouse to make you happy in your marriage.
Seek the Support of Loved Ones
Your husband or your wife is not the only person you can socialize with to find fulfillment and happiness in life. There are many other people you can form happy, satisfying relationships with, such as your schoolmates or church members.
So, spend a lot of time with friends or relatives who have also had unhappy marriages in the past but who have been able to turn their marriages around. Let them teach you the techniques and tricks they used to turn their unhappy marriages into happy marriages.
Furthermore, socialize a lot more. Go for dinners, parties and weddings. Dance on these occasions, crack jokes, and make yourself happy. Appreciate the gift of life and throw away unhappiness.
Sing Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs Often
Make it a point to boost your spirit every day by singing hymns and spiritual songs, especially when you feel down or when you feel discouraged. This habit will help to strengthen you, give you peace of mind, and help to make you happy so that you will not think negatively.
Sing these songs passionately when you are on your way to work, during your lunch break, and when you are doing your household chores. Involve your whole mind, body, soul, and spirit. Feel happy as you sing them and smile.
Adopt an attitude of gratitude and it will make you feel better about yourself. It will make you optimistic and happy so that the bad circumstances will not make you feel sad.
When you feel good about yourself, you can relate to your spouse better. Consequently, you can improve your relationship. This will increase the chances that you can sit down with your spouse to settle the issues which are making you unhappy in the marriage.
Do Something Encouraging for Others
Loneliness is one thing you may have to deal with when you are in an unhappy marriage—your spouse may not make time for you and give you the love and attention you deserve. Research shows that volunteering can help you to deal with this loneliness. It is good for your mental and physical health.
Moreover, volunteering will give you a sense of meaning. And as you interact with people outside your usual social circle, you will develop new associations which will make you feel happy.
Therefore, visit widows or orphans and give them gifts. Talk to them and let them share their life experiences and their moments of joy with you. It will help to strengthen you and also help to distract you so that you will not worry about your situation.
Try to be patient with your spouse. Make allowances for his or her faults and choose not to have arguments with him or her. This will save you from becoming more miserable and discontent in the marriage.
Learn to Be Independent
Psychologists tell us that we have two conflicting natures in us when we face problems—the temptation to shrink back and quit on life, to live with bitterness and self-pity or the challenge to move forward through courage and perseverance.
In life, opportunities for fresh creativity sometimes come our way in the way of challenging circumstances. Creativity arises out of the pit of life rather than the high places.
- Therefore, use your circumstances to find fulfillment and happiness by developing your creativity. Do the things you love to do. Pay attention to your hobbies and throw yourself into your interest so that you can find some relieve and happiness in the unhappy situation.
- Alternately, try to develop other interests. Start learning a foreign language or learn how to cook a foreign meal. Experiment with different unfamiliar activities and engage yourself in one which you are at home with.
- Join Facebook groups that promote your hobbies. Exchange ideas with other members and make friends with them. You will develop your sense of belonging and that will make you feel happy.
Studies have shown that when you pray for your spouse it can impact positively on your marriage and make your spouse more committed to the marriage. When you can get your spouse to show a lot more commitment to the marriage, it can make him or her desire to find solutions to what is causing the disaffection in the marriage. Consequently, your spouse could change his or her behavior and co-operate with you so that you can improve your marriage.
Therefore, pray consistently for your spouse every day. You may pray a prayer such as, “Dear God, I am happy that you have given me this privilege to share my love with Isaac. We have enjoyed some wonderful times together and I want to thank you for creating Isaac for me. However, I am not happy in the marriage anymore. Isaac does not spend time with me. He does not show me affection. He does not respect me and he is not as considerate now as he was when we first got married. Father, please touch the heart of Isaac so that he will desire to do the things that will make me happy in the marriage. Help us to resolve our differences so that we can make this marriage a happy one again. Amen.”
Work on Your Marriage
Remember your marriage vows. Let it motivate you to continue to resolve your differences with your spouse.
- Choose to continue to discuss differences and resolve conflicts amicably so that the marriage will have a chance of working. Make efforts to salvage the relationship.
- Do not give up on the marriage but make efforts to make your marriage succeed. Continue to correct your mistakes and continue to co-operate with your spouse so that you can turn things around. Persevere in hope knowing that you can work things out if you are determined.
- Adopt good communication habits and renew your commitment to the marriage regularly.
- Watch relationship movies together and discuss them afterwards. It will help you to identify your shortcomings as a spouse and what you need to do to improve the relationship. Furthermore, it will help you to think about the ways in which you are hurting the marriage. A study conducted by Rogge et al. in 2013 discovered that this activity can help couples to save their marriages.
- Sit down with your spouse and together write down why you married him or her in the first place. It will help you to appreciate each other again. Then, write down what is going on well in your relationship. Subsequently, write down what the challenges are. Then, come up with suggestions together as to how you can make the marriage better.
- Try to change the unhappy marriage into a happy one.
- If all your efforts to improve things fail, consider seeking advice from a licensed marriage counselor.
How to Cope With an Unhappy Marriage
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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio