ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

12 Questions I Should Have Never Asked The Confused, Lonely Hitcher

Updated on January 18, 2015
This photo  is deeper than the Pacific. Each much make his or her own interpretation of why this couple is hitchhikng just outisde of Vicksburg, Miss.
This photo is deeper than the Pacific. Each much make his or her own interpretation of why this couple is hitchhikng just outisde of Vicksburg, Miss. | Source
Careful. Not everyone is as lovely as they look
Careful. Not everyone is as lovely as they look

or should say, "what," made me do what I did at age 22? An event far beyond human reasoning, even the most-enlightened meta-physist in Indiana or Oak Ridge. But it happened. Only if I am the only one who belr day beieves it.

I arose from my decent REM sleep, at 7 a.m. on a Thursday--hating the idea of going to work just like the majority of Americans. After shaving, showring, and watching a few minutes of SportsCenter with my morning coffee, I went to my car and in a flash, I was on my way to another hum-drum day of doing hum-drum tasks such as filing paperwork, retrieving paperwork and a mild dose of being nice to my non-talkative boss.

The universally-recognized symbol of "I need a ride, please"
The universally-recognized symbol of "I need a ride, please" | Source

As I neared the interstate exit

that had led me to my vocation for over four and a half years, seemingly my car sputtered, choked and acted as if the engine was going to shut-off. A wave of fear ran over me. I was no mechanic. Who did people think I was, "Mr. GoodWrench?"

Thankfully, whatever was wrong with my car stopped and I was within 50-yards of my office building. I breathed a sigh of heavy relief. At that moment, my boring job was more like a blessing of the two choices I had of a broken-down auto and my job.

She "looks" sweet, but it's what's behind her sunglasses that you best worry about
She "looks" sweet, but it's what's behind her sunglasses that you best worry about

Have YOU ever been face-to-face with a Dangerous-but-Gorgeous female hitchhiker?

See results

Enter the "Dream World"

as I grew to call it years later. I parked my car, entered the same old door, greeted "Billy Thotmpson," the same old security guard, and walked to my same old desk. What it as this? I asked myself looking at the stack of legal documents that I had to file and log for my office manager to report to the Legal Dept. What a great day lay ahead, I mumbled.

Lightning flashed at that moment causing the power to go off in our offfice. Thunder clapped like a drunken opera fan and screams from both female and male employees filled the air. Including myself.

"What is creation is this?" screamed "Jenny Right," our assistant office manager who had crawled underneath her desk.

"End of time!" yelled "Lance Gilbert," a legal analyst who was married and with his wife expecting their second child.

I admit it. I was seriously thinking about what lay beyond the invisible veil called life and if there were a place for me in that "great beyond," people had labeled it. Lightning was still flashing shaking our building. Employees were praying--those who had faith in God, while some cursed in a low voice. Chaos and pandemonium is the only two words to describe these fear-filled moments.

Innocent-but-able to shake your world so much that you will want to stop and jump off
Innocent-but-able to shake your world so much that you will want to stop and jump off | Source

Time froze--so did life

as I opened my eyes slowly and praying inside that everyone around me was not hurt or vanished. I had seen this very scene in an old comic book when I was a teen. Frankly, i was very scared, shaking like a lost baby rabbit in an evil, dark forest. I had not experienced fear of this intensity since I was almost drawn into a fist-fight at my college alma mater's homecoming game last year when a fan of the opposing team, drunk and looking for trouble, ran me down in the parking lot and the police had to pull him off of me.

. . . then there she stood

A vision? A dream? I was too scared to care
A vision? A dream? I was too scared to care

I will be honest

I was terrified, but her ravishing-looks gave ne a deep sense of peace. My mouth could not open nor my lips move. A million words flew through my mind, but none of them made sense.

Then I became more terrified for I was no longer in my office. I was standing beside what I thought was my car, a 1960 Chevrolet, four-door, blue and white--and looking at this female angel who had the combined looks of Jayne Mansfield, Barbara Nichols, and Marilyn Monroe.

She was just staring at me first, then her surroundings. Her eyes were glazed, and her eyelids did not blink. I watched in secret-appreciation as she inhaled and exhaled. Was she a demon from Hades? Was she a victim of this time-warm as myself? These questions tormented my mind as I began to gather the courage to speak to her.

. . .and before the next two hours would be dusty history, I was soon be remorseful at

The 12 Questions That I Should Never Haved Asked The Confused, Lonely Hitcher

The gorgeous Hollywood legend: Barbara Nichols
The gorgeous Hollywood legend: Barbara Nichols | Source
If someone wants a ride this bad, drive off
If someone wants a ride this bad, drive off | Source
Beware of hitchhikers with sweatshirts
Beware of hitchhikers with sweatshirts
Barbara Nichols at her finest
Barbara Nichols at her finest
What guy would not be tempted to stop to pick her up, up, but he might be in for more trouble than he barganed for
What guy would not be tempted to stop to pick her up, up, but he might be in for more trouble than he barganed for

1.) "Miss, do you know who I am?"

Her response: A deeper look of confusion on her face.

2.) "Uhh, may I ask you, do you eat oranges?"

Her response: A look of deep fear came to her eyes.

3.) "Are you, uhhh, from this world?"

Her response: Her hands flew to cover her face

4.) "May I get you some, uhh, earth clothing?"

Her response: Her head began to hang toward the ground

5.) "Do you think I am an earth monster?"

Her response: A sharp, quick glare at me

6.) "Are you a female?"

Her response: Her head shook slowly

7.) "Can you walk with me to get a ride?"

Her response: Her hands covered her head

8.) "Can you say . . .H-e-l-l-o?"

Her response: A harsh look of anger came on her face

9.) "Do you, errr, like me?"

Her response: A look of fear came to her pretty blue eyes

10.) "Are you an American?"

Her response: She slowly began to walk away from me

11.) "Do you think that I am an animal?"

Her response: She stopped, looked back and looked angry

12.) "Can you tell me where we are?"

Her response: Her arms flew into the air out of frustration

I guess that you are wondering what happened . . .

Well, it is not something of cosmic-imaginery, but it is something you can tell your grandkids if you run out of things to talk about.

I was so scared from the power going off causing me to think it was lightning and the world was ending. What I experienced was a simple journey to my subconscious. Nothing more. Nothing less.

But the last part of this explanation is still a mystery. "June Halladay," our senior accountant who was so pretty that her looks could be registered as a lethal weapon with the F.B.I., was lookking down at me as I came up.

She giggled and said, "I came back here to answer your question to whether I would go to dinner with you this Friday or not and you had bumped your head on your desk and I waited until you recovered to tell you . . .not really. I was going to say yes, but man, you lay there and all you could do is ask ignorant questions, and I am not into that."

Just another day at the office.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, SandyMertens,

      Thanks so much for your sweet comment.

      Now that I look at this hub again, I see places where I could have done better, but sometimes there is not time enough.

      Come back to see me, Sandy.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      vkwok,

      My friend, you are very welcome.

      This is one of the reasons I am here--to make my Wonderful Followers happy.

      Have a good night.

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 3 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks for the laughs, Kenneth!

    • SandyMertens profile image

      Sandy Mertens 3 years ago from Frozen Tundra

      I enjoyed your hitcher hub and that it was just another day at the office.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)