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12 Reasons Why Women Always Go for Bad Boys and Arrogant Jerks

Updated on October 27, 2017

Why Women Love Bad boys and Dump Nice Guys

Have you ever wondered why bad guys always seem to get the girls? They’re brash, cocky and indifferent. They’re on (or over) the edge, bordering on rude and doesn't seem to give a damn about anyone but themselves - what exactly do women see guys like that? With all the negatives about bad boys, what are the real motivators for women to have a one-time or recurring want/desire for a bad boy in their life? Are they just trying to attain the unattainable?

You consider yourself outgoing, but conservative; interesting but a little shy; you can keep a conversation going, but with the right people... sounds good doesn't it? Why do the bad boys always seem to get the ladies?

For the purpose of clarification, bad boys in this hub mean boys that started smooth, cool, mysterious, and loving… but ended up emotionally unavailable, unattainable, arrogant… even stretching into emotionally abusive; not those that are outright criminals. It’s important to note that bad boys come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. As many women (and men) can attest to… age does not always equal maturity.

Confidence followed up with indifference, sprinkled with a little bit of mystery, intrigue and excitement is what attracts most women to start. There are various reasons why women dump nice guys and go for bad boys. Some of them are stated below:


No one respects a doormat. Nice guys don’t stamp their feet down or make any real demands. A bad boy doesn’t let a woman control him. Women can’t respect a man they can control.


Bad boys just simply don't give a damn. They can take it or leave it. . Bad boys are sending an unconscious message that they have great confidence, so they’re not afraid of losing the woman by misbehaving. Nice guys are sending a message that they don’t think their confidence is good enough, so they won’t misbehave. That's one reason why they fare well with women. If a woman says no, who cares? They move on to the next one, and they do it with the same verve and maverick attitude as they did the last one.


Most women lead boring, predictable lives, so they’re attracted to people who are exciting and a bit unpredictable. Bad boys are always a challenge. Nice guys are never a challenge. They are predictable and lack no excitement and challenge.


If a woman is afraid of commitment, she subconsciously knows she can avoid it with a bad boy, since she can never get close enough to him to have to go there. A nice guy will eventually want a commitment, and that’s scary.

Low self-esteem

Thousands of women who have been in relationships with men who treated them disrespectfully most times go for bad boys. Some of them married several of these men. Why? The women had, as children, been treated in ways that lowered their self-esteem. Consequently, as adults, they tended to fall into relationships that were consistent with what they were accustomed to, with men who treated them in ways that were familiar. A nice guy will treat them in a way they’re not familiar with. They then set to work trying to meet the man’s needs and make the relationship work better. They were accustomed to getting back far less than they gave and that pattern continued into the adult years. It was only when their self-esteem improved that they would recognize they deserved better.


That's right. They wouldn't be able to pull off half of the antics they do if they weren't brimming with confidence. Bad boys aren't just confident around their friends, but also in talking to the ladies at a friend's party. No matter where you look, women find confidence a major turn on. Looks matter less in attracting a woman, whereas showing that you have confidence is a very attractive quality. This is what makes women do whatever they can, maybe even to the point of obsession, to get this so-called bad boys to reform and turn into good boys. That is a feat that every woman that goes for bad boys fantasizes about achieving.


Ask yourself, "when was the last time I took a walk on the wild side?" If you are asking yourself that question, then you obviously aren't a rebel. The 'bad boys' are always testing the boundaries and pushing the envelope when it comes to their life - and women can't get enough of it. They find it intriguing. And when you put exciting and adventurous beside the other rebellious traits, it sends women into a tizzy.


Doing something that was against the norm (or against parents’ wishes) was also a key motivating factor. Doing the wrong thing has an appeal, even if it’s only for a short time… or you drop the nice guy. “This guy was totally manly in every sense of the word. That is why I love him. Secondly, what kept me around him was the thought that I was sneaking and doing something I knew my parents wouldn’t approve of at all,” Carol confessed.


Have you ever seen a bad boy who wasn’t hot? I’m sure there are a few, but they wouldn’t be able to get away with half the stuff they did if they didn’t look so good. This often goes hand-in-hand with being confident, indifferent, exciting, adventurous... etc. Bad boys are often rugged and in-control. That doesn't mean controlling; they just know how to get what they want. They speak clearly and confidently, they look you in the eye, they are passionate about what they believe in... but most importantly, they still know how to treat a lady.


They are great in bed. The quality of sex with bad boys is one of the reasons; women are attracted to bad boy. Women feel a nice guy won’t be good in bed. They sometimes like to be manhandled and think a nice guy won’t be able to take control and get the job done. A bad boy comes across as being able to deliver, even though that may not always be the case.


In real life, although women dream of meeting perfect Prince Charming, a lot of times end up going for bad boys. It is more about the subconscious behavior of wanting challenges. The possibility of changing a bad boy from a serial playboy into a loving, supportive, feeling is always the pull for bad boy-addicted women. Women are designed to nurture. However, instead of doing this with children, they often end up doing it with bad boys. They think their love will save them. Nice guys rarely need to be saved. That’s why those situations tend to never work in most cases because women have refuse to understand that they cannot change a man but should love him for who he is or leave him. “My current bad boy is a puzzle I am trying to solve. He is manipulative and a misogynist. I am just trying to see how much I can change him,” a woman confessed. Nice guys don’t usually need to be fixed. Bad boys usually do, so they become a project. Women think if they can change them into perfect men, they will never leave them. Also, if they’re busy fixing someone else, they don’t have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives.


Historically, men have protected women — physically and otherwise. A woman subconsciously wants a man who will dominate her. She wants a man who she can feel safe with –her true knight and shining armor. Bad boys give the illusion of being able to protect women, while with nice guys, women aren’t so sure. Women don't dig men that are pushovers. A bad boys gives women an air of strength and togetherness. Essentially the confident, cocky bad boy image rubs off a little bit on her - and she laps it up!


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    • Chuksm profile imageAUTHOR

      Anthony Modungwo 

      4 years ago from Benin

      dashingscopio, thanks for your comment. Why women dump gentle men and go for bad boys had always amazed me until I decided to research into why. My findings is what I've put down here. It is still surprising.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      4 years ago

      Bad boys' being "Indifferent" is a magnet for many women.

      I've often said you could stick a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them get down on their knees extending their heart out towards her while professing their love as the "5th guy" sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she does not exist.

      That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      It's like that quote: "We ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us." Women during their "bad boy" phase want a challenge. If she has to (earn) his attention and love he is seen as being move valuable in her eyes. If she knows other women are competing with her his stock rises and makes her even more determined to "win" him over.

      He is unpredictable and the uncertainty of how he actually feels about her makes her try that much harder to please him. She senses he would dump her in a heartbeat if she complained about anything. In other words the "bad boy" keeps her "reaching" for his heart.

      The "nice guy" lays it all out on the line and lets her know exactly how he feels about her. He's reliable and predictable. He'd never give her any reason to doubt his love. He wants her as an equal partner and he'll compromise to "please her". There's no drama!

      Unfortunately for most "nice guys" women who are into "Bad boys" don't give them a second thought until after they've had a series of heartaches. Even then she may inwardly feel as though she is "settling" for a "nice guy" out of necessity. She'll never be as wildly passionate about him or shower him with all the love and affection she was willing to give the "bad boy". She learns to live a (content) life.


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