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11 Things Women Shouldn't Text to the Man They Love

Updated on May 23, 2020
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Lori values relationships and is always seeking ways to improve communication skills.


So you love to text the man you love throughout the day. A little friendly banter, cute little expressions of love. Then there are the practical texts, making plans for the day or the week, or talking about day to day matters. Those are lovely, healthy, and sometimes necessary. But there are some definite types of text messages that will put a kink in your relationship, or even damage it irreparably.

Ladies in a general way, tend to express their emotions and fears more openly and sometimes more dramatically. Behind the safety of a handheld device and the distance in location makes it easy to be careless in communicating with the man of your affection. Here are some no-nos that may put your relationship in jeopardy.

1. Barraging Him With Trivial Texts

Unless you are sure he doesn't mind hearing from you twelve times an hour, barraging him all day with inconsequential texts can be annoying. If he is working yet still enjoys this type of communication, it may make you both happy, but you both may lose your jobs. Hopefully, your guy is dedicated and focused at his work and doesn't want distractions of a constant stream of your moment to moment thoughts and activities. He doesn't care what color and design Tammy put on your nails at the salon. He doesn't care that Sheila and Bob bought a trampoline and little Becky's classmate broke her arm on it. He doesn't care about the cute outfit you got on clearance at Target. He's got a sale to make, a deal to settle, a roof to put on, a car to fix.

This type of behavior is a bit selfish. Conflict may rear its ugly head. This is particularly true if he has made it clear your many messages are unwanted for good reasons (like getting his work done). Allow yourself and your love to accomplish your daily goals and responsibilities and enjoy each other and discuss matters in person. Confidence and a sense of your own self-worth are much more attractive to men.

"I got this darling outfit on clearance at Target." Your husband doesn't care. He has work to do.
"I got this darling outfit on clearance at Target." Your husband doesn't care. He has work to do. | Source

2. Announcing You're Pregnant

Announcing you're pregnant is of major importance whether it is a welcome piece of news or unwelcome. If it's happy news, it will be a much richer and more joyful experience for both of you to do it in person. My hunch is that he wants to celebrate and hold you in his arms.

If it is problem news, it is serious news and should be discussed when you have the time to sit down together. If he is at work it will trouble and distract him all day and perhaps end up making him disagreeable when you finally see each other. Pregnancy is sacred news. Share it in person.


3. Delivering Bad News

I am not referring to the dog threw up on the carpet or the checkbook didn't balance. Bad news of major proportions should be delivered person-to-person or by phone call. You would like the same courtesy. Bad news requires emotional support. A text message doesn't allow for that.

A few examples of bad news would be:

  • Someone significant in his life has died.
  • You or a family member have recieved a serious medical diagnosis (but not an immediate emergency).
  • Major financial losses or troubles.
  • Anything of major disappointment, cause for great worry, or tragedy.

Sometimes a text is the only way due to the inability to reach him through a phone call or urgency.

Don't text him bad news.
Don't text him bad news. | Source

4. Breaking Up

This would fit in with the bad news category but I think it's important to highlight it. A text announcing you want a divorce or to break up is a calloused way to tell him, as would be if he did that to you. If there has been a lot of conflict and he has been unkind, controlling, or abusive, you may not care how it makes him feel. You may feel he deserves it. But if your physical and emotional safety is not an issue, he deserves to be told in person.

Spitefulness is ugly, destructive, and unhelpful. You may never know, a good heart to heart may result in problems getting resolved.


5. Emotional Rants and Arguments

Emotional rants are spewing and dumping all your fears, stresses and anxieties on him. It can be about life issues or your relationship with each other. It's draining and it sucks the life out of both of you. Texting those kinds of sensitive issues is overwhelming. When you aren't together he is left feeling helpless. He doesn't have time to think. This is also true if you try to have arguments through texts. Arguments are hard enough in person. These things require time and forethought, to process and discuss.

Learning emotional control is an important skill necessary for relationships. If you struggle with this kind of regulation, a counselor can help you learn a new and healthier way.

6. Demands to Answer Immediately

This is a universal problem no matter the type of relationship. People freak out when their texts are not responded to quickly. Here's where your mind goes when your beloved doesn't answer right away"

  • Oh no, he's mad at me.
  • He's too busy for me.
  • Something bad must have happened to him.
  • He's ignoring me.
  • He must be with someone else.

The truth is, any of these are plausible if you have tendencies to be insecure or he is doesn't like texting; however, there are a gazillion practical reasons he is not returning your call right away. First and foremost he is probably working and will get to you when he has a spare moment. Take a deep breath and get on with your day unless it is urgent or an emergency.

7. Suspicions, Accusations, and Jealousy

Some women (men too) are suspicious that their lover is flirting or having a relationship with another woman. They've made it a habit to send texts every time he is away from home to make an accounting for himself. If there is no concrete evidence or proven pattern for infidelity, then you need to recognize your fears are unfounded. This will create havoc in your relationship and may even drive him away.

If you can't overcome these fears and behaviors on your own, a good therapist can help you learn to identify the source of your problem and how to reach a healthy perspective.

8. Texting While He's Trying to Talk To You

Men like to be heard as much as women, they just like to talk about different things. No matter who you're with it's just plain rude to text while together. This is particularly important with your husband or boyfriend. When you want to tell your husband your feelings about your relationship, or things going on in your lives, you want his full attention. Men like to talk about their work, plans, and hopes and dreams. There are times when he wants to discuss practical matters—finances, household projects, family issues, etc. If you are on your phone scrolling Pinterest and saying "Uh-huh," while he's telling you these things you are essentially communicating indifference to what is important to him.

9. Texting While On Outings

Today people see nothing wrong with going out for a meal and spending their time texting instead of talking together. Really? How long have you been waiting for that chance to get away with your husband for some alone time? Do you want to spend your 25th wedding anniversary dinner texting Sandra about the restaurant you're in?

I know, your husband is doing it too. That's so sad and pathetic. Put your phones down and talk to each other. If you find you have nothing to talk about it's because you have forgotten how. I'll bet if you texted him you'd know what to say. Enjoy life, not words on a screen with invisible people who don't care.

For crying out loud, put your phones down and talk to each other.
For crying out loud, put your phones down and talk to each other. | Source

# 10. Honey Do-List

Asking him to stop on the way home to pick up some milk and eggs is one thing, but texting a long list of things you want him to do around the house or errands to run will likely shut him down with quiet resentment. He may feel overwhelmed. To make matters worse would be to nag and complain he's terrible for not getting things done.

These are things best discussed in person or on a phone call.


#11 Sexting

This is dangerous, and immoral (if not married). You run a great risk of having someone find those texts and nude photos. This can cause embarrassment and a terrible public humiliation. It may be stimulating and fun but it's a terrible idea. It's not worth the risk.

Learn and Grow in Personal Communication

All this advice is to help us women be considerate, kind, and mature when communicating with the men we love. Most of these are common sense, but as my son, Jake likes to say: "Common sense isn't so common."

Some of the items on the list apply to men too but they have their own article. I hope you will learn that face-to-face communication provides a blessing. Words on a screen are impersonal, inappropriate, and sad. Enjoy your loved in person. You will regret it.

© 2019 Lori Colbo


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