13 Early Warning Signs that a Person will not be a True Friend
We meet many people in life, some are their for a time, some stay forever, some we lose touch with and some are just acquaintances and some are just meant not to be our friend no matter how hard we try. Everyone needs good friends who care about them, love them, accept them and respect them. True Friends are priceless and a great gift. When you meet someone and desire a friendship, there are certain warnings to look for at the very beginning to determine if we have met a friend, a critic, or if this person will be toxic.
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1. They talk about the faults of others and everyone else’s business. - If there is nothing positive that comes out of their mouth about someone, if they talk about those they consider to be close friends, spread their personal business, always negative about people, then this is a red flag that your private matters is not safe with this person and he/she is not trustworthy. True friends keep your secrets.
2. Unavailable for You
You go out of your way to help someone in time of need, but just when you need help , the person does not call you back or says I can’t do this for you- I have experienced this and take a step back and stopped going out of my way. This is a sign for you to stop and evaluate.
They do not return phone calls or emails. they talk to you when they bump into you at an event or a place unexpectedly and when agreed to follow up, you never hear back from them.
People like this are only pretend to be nice and use your goodness so they can get something from you. They take from you, are users, selfish and are not thankful for the things you do.
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3. They discourage you completely from fulfilling your dreams, and reaching your potential. Good friends may express concern financially or the changes in life, but if a person tries to talk you out of it, make fun of you, and show little faith and confidence in your dreams, then that is a red flag. True Friends show support, encourage you and even list of the pros and cons with good intentions.
4. They are not really happy when good things happen to you- They pretend that they are happy for the raise, promotion you got, a date with a great guy, your engagement or when your teen got in a great college. Secretly, they are jealous, and think you do not deserve it. Beware of them, and of their looks and pretense.
5. Do not respect your interests, ignore them or talk you into something else.
Nothing is wrong when a person is encouraging you to try new things, get out more, but if a person does not respect the things you like and accept your different taste and interest - (if it going to art museums, knitting, scrapbooking, cooking, musicals, etc.) then conflict can arise. Friends accept all the diverse parts of you.
6. Talk Too Much- He/She does all the talking about themselves and does not ask you what’s going on in your life. If you’re friends with someone who never lets you get a word in to share the things on your heart and problems, or seem apathetic when you do talk, it is a sign to take a hard look.
7. The person does not remember the things you said to them a month after
A good friend will remember what you tell them, especially if it's something important. You might have thought they were listening, but really was not. If they have no recall of important events in your life, school, career changes, relationship details, etc then they were not really listening to you. You should evaluate this friendship.
I have experienced this with someone I really wanted to be friends with and noticed this is only one sided and it is not reciprocating.
8. You do not feel good about yourself, or your life- After talking to this person, you are left confused, negative, depressed, discouraged, criticized, condemned, upset, belittled, used or a host of other emotions. If this occurs and keeps occurring, then those are the signs that this person will not be a good friend.
9. They do not respect your boundaries, values or beliefs
They take lightly of the things you strongly stand against and pushing you to do the opposite. They show up anytime at home/work whenever they want when you expressed your boundaries, they stay at your home for hours and do not want to leave, etc. Chances are this person is not listening and respecting you.
10. They attempt to control and manipulate you
- They put demands on you and expect you to drop everything and help them out. They use your compassion and giving heart to their advantage. They take up all your time.
- They tell you what to wear, what career to pursue and who to date, who your other friends should be.
If these are areas where you need help and they are offering good suggestions with a good heart then it is not control. But if their attitude is proud and comes across that they know what is best and right for you, then beware.
- They boldly demand that you to treat them special
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11. They accuse you of doing something, rather than confront you as a friend- If you have known someone for a while and they have this approach of accusation, rather than asking you nicely about the issue, then they never really appreciated you as friend. Time to think about what made you be friends with this person.
If this is someone you barely know, you can confront them that this is not the way to address an issue, through accusation without the actual facts.
12. They have not been truthful and you caught them lying a number of times- chances are what else have they been lying about.
13. They withdraw from you because of hard times or something you are struggling with-
At times people might stay around us because of our money, status, position, what you can do for them, but when we share our hard times, they withdraw and nowhere to be found. Who our True friends are often seen during tough times. Friends should be there to offer comfort, support and encouragement. They should not withdraw from us if we are unemployed, diagnosed with an illness or whatever we are facing.