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14 Things That I Would Not Do in This Cave-in With Gorgeous “Jessie”

Updated on October 16, 2014
No touching
No touching
If she is touched, there is instant danger
If she is touched, there is instant danger
'Electricity will come oiff her shoulders if you simply touch her
'Electricity will come oiff her shoulders if you simply touch her

HAVE YOU GOT "THAT" ONE DYAMITE FANTASY

Have you, men and women, ever had “that” one fantasy? That one dangerous fantasy even if you confess it truthfully to your companion? Depending on the subject and description, might be, the wiser person just keeps a “dynamite” fantasy like this to themselves. And besides, it is just a harmless fantasy.

Now let’s play a quick game of “It Might Happen,” and see what you are made of.

This is not, I promise, a game of insulting one another. This is not a sexually-suggestive game for I want to please AdSense and not have to redo a lot of this hub. At least I am honest with you.

This particular game of “It Might Happen,” does not put you in the spotlight, but me, my friends. I had much rather something backfire on me than you—forcing me to write apologies all of the night. “Better safe than sorry,” leaps to mind, so that as a sign, please allow me to set this up for you. (Now I feel like the legendary “King of Humor,” Allan Funt of the hilarious prototype reality show . . .”Candid Camera.”

Such a beautiful bathing beauty
Such a beautiful bathing beauty
What a pretty girl
What a pretty girl

How I ended up in mid-Nebraska, I will never know

Let’s us say that “I” am traveling across the mid-west in search of hub story subjects. After 2400 hubs, my ideas and imagination have suddenly begun to wear down. And if I am to make cash, I have to find more subjects.

Suddenly I am very thirsty riding in this ’56 Buick convertible out here in the Nebraska sun in mid-July. And wouldn’t you know it? I am feeling much the fool for not bringing any cold water with me in my trusty cooler. What a scorching-dilemma. Where is Batman and Robin when you need them?

Straight ahead, I view a picturesque, vintage farm house with the proverbial red barn and white fence in the background. I must be in heaven, I think for a moment, and stop thinking this due to Kevin Costner not sticking his head out of the cornfield that runs parallel to the road to say, “No, this is Nebraska. Go, Cornhuskers!”

I pull my car into the gravel driveway. No one is around, at least any that I see. I walk upon the wooden porch and smile at the beautiful petunia’s some lovely senior-citizen lady has planted. I knock twice on the screen door. Then I hear, “You! You there!” screams a senior-citizen woman. “Yes, ma’am,” I scream in reply. “What’s the matter?”

Her smile is pure ectasty
Her smile is pure ectasty

Hub-writer to the rescue

“Guess we better get going, “Jessie,” your grandmother is worried sick “I need you to come back here and help my granddaughter get out of this old cave that my late husband, “Wilburn,” used to think was laden with gold when we married,” the gray-haired lady says with fear in her voice.

“You mean, ma’am, that’s your granddaughter is in that old dark cave?”’ I asked. “What was she doing in there?”

“You got me, son. You know how those wild college girls can get,” the woman said with a bit of anger.

“She is a college girl, ma’am?” I asked halfway-hoping I was right.

“Yes, are you a fool, young man? I have to repeat everything I say!” she snapped.

“Okay. I will run in there and find her,” I said to support her.

“Good. Oh, and her name is “Jessie,” she is 21, and loves mischievous pranks,” her granny said which was music to my lonely ears.

about you,” I said being the Good Samaritan.

“Ohhh, shoot! Guess I’ll have to pour out these six cold beers and get back to gram’s house to help her hang-out the washing,” “Jessie” said and touching my heart.

“Uhhh, six cold beers? Hmmm. Three apiece. Hey, we do not have to hurry. I will show you how to handle this,” I said to “Jessie,” really praying that this was “that” once-in-a-lifetime fantasy coming true.

I yelled at her granny and told her that “Jessie” needed a little rest from the running and we would be out shortly. Yeah, right. I mean. Sure thing. I did not want any trouble with “Jessie” or her granny.

But . . .just as I took “Jessie’s” hand to lead her back through the mine shaft, there it was: The rumbling deep inside the cave. A rumbling that shook the very ground underneath our feet. We both thought alike: “Cave-in! Let’s get outta here!”

We were a bit too late for when we bolted to escape this failing cave, huge rocks and tons of sand and wet dirt started falling in front of us. “Jessie” was now crying and screaming for her granny to help her. Even I was scared. And this was just a fantasy, I reasoned.

But no. It was reality. And now we were trapped at the mine and whatever was in there’s mercy.

Now, this is my set-up. I am trapped alone with a gorgeous girl alone in a mine shaft in pitch darkness and the only light we have is my flashlight. I ask you, honest guys . . .”What would you do?”

I do not know what “you” would do, but here are

14 Things That I Would Not Do in This Cave-in With Gorgeous “Jessie”

  • Start belting-out verses to, “Annie’s Song,” by the late John Denver.
  • Making shadow-animals by the light of my flashlight.
  • Showing any degree of fear or misery to “Jessie.”
  • Talking about her grandmother and dearly-departed grandfather.
  • Barking to sound “Jessie’s” little “Margie,” her Yorkie when “Jessie” was nine.
  • Asking “Jessie” just how much of a social life she had at Colgate University.
  • Whistling “Follow The Yellow Brick Road” to see if “Jessie” would laugh.
  • Charge at her and say, “Well, my little girly girl. It’s just you and me and we might as well make the best of it.”
  • Squeezing her in my arms like a Northwest Grizzly who has caught thieves pilfering in its food stash.
  • Start acting like Jack Benny and his sidekick, Rochester.
  • Doing stupid things such as: Saying, “Look, ‘Jessie,” I can burst this rock with my head!”
  • Offering “Jessie” my pants for warmth while I keep warm with my denim coat.
  • Hiding behind the big rock that is always in the way of couples trapped in old caves.
  • Getting “Jessie” to rub my stomach as I lie on my back acting like “Margie.”
  • After a couple of hours, I feel so much better at how I did NOT disrespect or dishonor “Jessie” in any way.
  • “Man, will she show me some loving and appreciation when we find the way out of this cave,” I think to myself.
  • Then I hear the sound of her grandmother, “’Jessie!” Hey, “Jessie!” Are you ready to come out with that foolish young man?”
  • Now I am shocked at her grandmother saying such an asinine thing. She must be out of her mind with grief.
  • “Oh, there you are, girl. You okay?” “Jessie’s” grandmother says to “Jessie.”
  • “Yeah, gram. I am fine,” “Jessie” giggles.
  • “You are one scamp young lady making her mislead this young fool to believe that you were trapped in that old cave,” her grandmother said almost falling over with laugher.
  • “Yeah, and all I had to do was slip-out of that secret door that grandpa built in case a cave-in “were” to happen.”
  • And me, the fool, now completely-dejected.

Still looking for hub ideas.

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