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15 Promises Every Couple Should Make to Each Other before Marriage

Updated on April 27, 2015


Unfortunately, marriage in today’s society has lost its meaning. The United States leads the board with the highest divorce rates in the world with a 41%-50% of all marriages ending in divorce. I’m a product of a failed marriage. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage to my complete surprise. I won’t divulge into the gory details of why their marriage ended, but what I will say is that the thought of marriage for me was hindered because of their failed marriage. I was in a long-term relationship for years that failed, so the thought of marriage was so far off my mind until I met Jones. He was different. He was older. He was put together. I was young and he was eight years older, but I was attracted to him in ways that I had never been attracted to anyone before. As I sit here and reminisce of nearly 4 years of marriage, I don’t regret getting married. In fact, marriage has opened my heart and mind to beautiful things that otherwise wouldn’t have been introduced into my life had I not gotten married. When Jones and I got engaged, there were several things that ran through my head. Promises that I wanted to make to him, to myself and to our marriage.

It’s in my opinion that the reason that so many marriages end is because people do not understand the level of commitment necessary to make a marriage work forever. I think that marriage is so romanticized and that so many people hurry to the altar because of the white gown, party and promise of love forever. People are getting married before they even get to know the individual they’re about to marry. We are doing each other a great injustice and setting our marriage up for failure before we have had the chance to make it work. Fortunately for me, I took my time to get to the altar. We were together 3 years before we got married and lived together after 6 months of seeing each other. We took the time to learn about each other, grow together and build upon our relationship.

Here are some promises I think are imperative to make to each other before you make those vows.

  1. I promise to stick by through the good, the bad & the ugly. Period
    1. This is where most marriages fail. These days people get married because things are good. They don’t factor in unknown life events and situations that may arise down the road. These can include moves, job loss, death of a loved one, financial problem, etc. When things get hard, a lot of people jump ship instead of staying and trying to make it work. It’s important to go into marriage realizing that there may be events that arise that we didn’t expect that may test a marriage.
  2. I promise to never let you forget how much I love and care about you.
    1. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you can stop telling your spouse how much you love them and how much you care about them. Marriages will fail when someone feels obsolete and unloved. Don’t go a single day without saying “I love you” to your spouse. I say it every day and more importantly when I say goodbye to my spouse in person or on the phone. You never know when ones last day may be, so always let them know how much you love them for it could be the last thing you say to them. YES! I think about those things.
  3. I promise to always make us a priority.
    1. Life gets busy, and it’s so easy to get lost in the business of life. It’s important to make time for your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse should always be put first, and making time to spend some alone time each week is imperative for marital stability.
  4. I promise to keep our relationship exciting.
    1. Life can tend to become routine after a while. It’s work, home-life, gym (some days), family-life, bed and repeat day in and day out. Trying to mix things up from time to time will only do a marriage good. Get involved in activities to do with your spouse and your children to spice things up during the week and weekend. Keep it exciting by taking impromptu road trips and experiencing new things together. Create a bucket list for you and your spouse as well as for your entire family.
  5. I promise that I’ll do my very best at being the best parent to our children.
    1. No one is the perfect parent. We live and we learn from our mistakes as well as others, so we can only promise to do the best we can. Doing the best is all your spouse wants to hear.
  6. I promise to accept you wholeheartedly for who you are.
    1. Accept your spouse with their flaws and imperfections and never hold their downfalls against them.
  7. I promise to not let myself go.
    1. Just because you’re with your spouse, it doesn’t mean you can let yourselves go. Eat healthy and workout. The better health you’re in, the better sex life and attraction you will have with and for each other.
  8. I promise to always fight for and defend our relationship.
    1. There will always be outside forces threatening your marriage, and it’s important that no matter the forces, you stand with your spouse to protect what you have built together. Separate yourself from those forces.
  9. I promise that I am in this until the end.
    1. I didn’t get married with the hope that we’d be married forever. I got married knowing that we’d be married forever. When things get hard, we are going to sit down and work our shit out. Period.
  10. I promise to never stop dating you.
    1. Continue dating even when you’re married. I encourage everyone to have a date night once a week without kids to reconnect. Life gets busy, and you should always remember how it all started.
  11. I promise to be patient in every circumstance.
    1. You may not always agree with your spouse, but it’s important to be patient and understanding of the circumstances and situation. Take the time to hear your spouse’s side of the situation with open ears. Take the time to understand where your spouse is coming from, and I think you’ll be surprised to see how patient they become with you.
  12. I promise to appreciate you and never take you for granted.
    1. Never ever take your spouse for granted. They may cook for you, clean for you, buy you things, work a ton of hours to provide for you and you need to always remember to thank them. It goes both ways though so make sure you’re recognizing the things that your spouse is doing and thank them daily. It may seem like a small gesture, but trust me when I say that it means a lot to your spouse.
  13. I promise to be honest with you and not keep things from you.
    1. Confide in your spouse. Be honest with them always, even if there is a possibility of hurting them. Your spouse deserves your honesty and you should be open with them at all times.
  14. I promise to remember the power of words and fragility of the human soul.
    1. During arguments it’s easy to say some hurtful things, but keep in mind that some words are hard to forget. Watch what you say to your spouse when you’re upset. If you need to remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes to gather yourself, then do it. You won’t regret the decision to talk with your spouse once you have calmed down.
  15. I promise to encourage and support you in all of your endeavors.
    1. Promise to be your spouse’s biggest fan. Support them and encourage them in all that they do.


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    • DanielleLJones profile imageAUTHOR


      3 years ago

      I agree that it's important to not only make promises but follow through on them. I think you bring up valid points, but I do standby what I wrote as well. :)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      These are all worthwhile promises! Voted up and useful!

      However #1 and #9 can sometimes lead to accepting mistreatment under the guise of upholding your vows for the marriage by not loving yourself.

      1. I promise to stick by through the good, the bad & the ugly. Period

      9. I promise that I am in this until the end.

      Personally speaking I have heard of people in abusive and toxic marriages use those statements to justify staying in an unhappy situation.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      Granted if both people uphold the other 13 promises there would rarely be any divorces! Unfortunately people and circumstances do change.

      No one walks down the aisle on their wedding day planning to divorce. Most wedding ceremonies end with the vow of "until death do us part".

      Nevertheless there is no such thing as "unconditional love" once you go beyond the love of God or a mother. Most healthy people with some measure of love for themselves and self-esteem have "deal breakers" and boundaries. Historically speaking promises have a way of being broken.

      We often say that every marriage will have it's good, bad, and ugly times. In fact it's the broken promises that often lead to the bad times!

      The loss of #3, #4, #12 and #13 leads to most of the problems in marriages.

      3. I promise to always make us a priority.

      4. I promise to keep our relationship exciting.

      12. I promise to appreciate you and never take you for granted.

      13. I promise to be honest with you and not keep things from you.

      There is a subtle but important difference between promising to do something and committing to do it. A promise is words and committing is are actions/behaviors done to uphold the promise.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      3 years ago from The Caribbean

      These promises are very important. Perhaps, they could be included in the vows at the altar. Really good!


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