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15 Ways On How To Stop Loving a Guy Who Doesn't Love You Back

Updated on June 27, 2016

Ways on How to Stop Loving Man Who Doesn't Love You

Have you ever had an #unrequited love? Love will never be solved, worked out, fully understood — there is no secret angle, key or elusive password leading to a definitive answer. Those who have been through it and came out in one piece will tell you they feel they’ve been to a war. One of the most painful times in life is when you are still deeply in love and the other person announces that he isn’t in love with you anymore. This brutal news may come as a complete shock or it may be something that you may have sensed long before he officially ended the #relationship because he tells you he loves you one day and disappears for three weeks the next. It’s in his body language, it’s in his tone of voice, and it’s in his energy. He becomes unavailable.

So, you are finally at the place where you realize that the one who you love does not love you. Yet, you cannot stop thinking about him. Perhaps you even run into them when you are out. The radio keeps playing songs that make you think about him, and movies are even worse. Well, here’s some good news, you can stop loving him. So what are you going to do to get over him?

If you're heartbroken over the loss of a relationship, knowing a few tips on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t #love you back can help you move on. It was painful, but at the end of the day, it was liberating to finally "let go" of someone who just didn't seem to be on the same page. At first, all wounds hurt, but then they scab, and the scabs heal, and soon, there is new skin. With time, you’ll stop noticing the ache because the ache will not be there anymore. These are tips on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

Fall in love again-with yourself

Are you loved the outdoors, but gave it up for the guy who hated it? Or you were the most popular in high school but had to drop out of your social circle to make time for who you thought was the ‘love’ of your life? It is not uncommon when we are with someone, we automatically put our habits up on a shelf, transforming and molding ourselves into a person who’s easier to date and last but not the least, we try to save the relationship even to impossible extents. Nothing comforts a broken heart like your #girlfriends. Now would be the best time to go back and reach out to all the friends you cut off for your guy. They’re the ones you once shared all your joys and sorrows with, and the ones who lifted you up when you were bummed about a failed test or a bruised knee. All the stuff that made you happy once when you were single is still out there, waiting for you to come back to it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and become the amazing person you used to be. Love yourself first; the rest will fall into place. Whatever route you choose to take, just remember to love yourself first always, and never settle for any less than you deserve. There’s always someone out there who loves you, just the way you are. Trust me, you’ll feel like you’re right where you belong and your guy will be the furthest thing from your mind.

Get a new look

However small or insignificant this one may seem to you, go for it. All the things your guy kept you from trying out when the going was amorous are now free to be tested out. Experiment with a new hair color or cut, or change your wardrobe and give yourself a makeover. Embrace your freedom to do whatever you want, especially all those things that he stopped you from. These small steps are the building blocks to happiness that doesn’t just come from someone else.

Get Rid of the Reminders

This one might seem exceptionally hard to do, but once done, you’ll feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Delete and get rid of all texts, pictures, emails and anything else that is a constant reminder of him. Do not keep the t-shirt that he gave you and keep wearing it. Burn the reminders if you have to. Anything that you have of him will also keep you stuck in the same loop as the memories.

Step up new routine

When you were in a relationship, you dedicated large portions of your day to just being with him. Now that your guy has distanced himself completely, you find free time in your day that you fill by feeling sorry for yourself. Fill in those hours by taking on new activities. It could be that yoga class you were dying to try out but never had time for. It could be something as simple as going for a long drive or a walk by yourself. Create goals like learn a new language, purchase a new car, get a promotion at work, move to the other side of the country or embark on an entirely new career. Join a book club or a cycling group, anything that lets you be with new people and at the same time, turn your sad daily routine to something exciting that you look forward to. In no time, the guy who you once obsessed over will be a long distant memory.

Cut-off all contact

After all is said and done, the time comes when you must break all contact, at least for a while at least three months. It is crucial to avoid places where you know that your ex will be, especially at this time. No matter how much you think that you need to see him, this will only serve to keep you thinking about him. That’s the healing period you owe yourself in the very least. While you are still coming to terms with the idea of no longer having him in your life, you need to put much distance as possible between him and yourself. As tempting as it is to just send a tiny text saying hello, just don’t do it. It’ll only lead to rejection later, all over again. Surround yourself with solid friends who will keep you from calling or texting him.

Stop cyberstalking

All kinds of studies have shown that continuing to cyberstalk your ex through social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc will only prolong your agony. Since you are still in love with him, your heart is going to replay all the happiest moments in the relationship trying to convince you that it can be that way again. Don’t become addicted to checking up on his new woman or whether he is out on the town enjoying himself.

No point in being ‘just friends’

If he contacts you, whether it’s out of pity or guilt, don’t tell yourself it’s in order to talk every once in a while. Hoping that your love for him can maybe change into something platonic is not going to happen, at least not overnight. Just the sound of his voice will send you back to square one so avoiding him is probably the safest bet. Now you don’t have to start being nasty and rude to him, just distance yourself and maybe reply once to his texts and stop after that. Don’t answer his calls under any circumstances. He also needs to get the message that you’re grieving and you deserve space and time.

Let entertainment heal your heart

Listen to music, lots of it. Good, sad, upbeat, soft, anything so long as you listen to it for the love of music and music alone. Watch your favorite movies or series. One girl I know got over her ex by literally just watching her favorite movies for an entire week. So something like this definitely works when you’re the victim of unrequited love. So what’re you waiting for? Grab your DVD and begin.

Take a break and go for holiday

Now would be the time to treat yourself to that vacation you have been dreaming of. There are always other special people you can go with. It could be your best friend, your siblings or even your mom. Imagine all the bonding you’ll get to do on this holiday with the person who’s always been right there for you from the start. Most importantly, sometimes physically getting away from the area where he lives is helpful. Even if it’s for a couple of days, being away from the place where all the heartbreak took place and exploring new and exciting places can sometimes be the answer to coping with lost love.

Get new friends

If you realize that the two of you had a lot of mutual friends, then it’s not going to be as easy to get over him. There’s always going to be a friend who’ll mention his name unintentionally, or you might bump into him at the local bar where you both hang out a lot. Seeing him every time will bring back memories of dejection and sadness all over again. You may think about going into hibernation altogether but a better option is just to meet new people. You need to change your outlook and step up your social ladder. You don’t have to lose your good friends who happen to be his friends too, I’m sure they’ll understand what you’re trying to do. There’s always time to meet new people and adopt new hobbies, you’ve just got to have the right attitude and tell yourself you can do it. In short, keep yourself so busy that you barely have time to stop and feel sorry for yourself.

Have a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend

Bottled up emotions are sometimes very most dangerous. We suppress all our feelings of hurt and bury them deep down, telling ourselves not to cry and that we’re all right. The truth is, this is not the way you heal. Healing only takes place when you confront the bitter sad truth, allow the sad feeling and eventually, the feeling subsides and you feel brand new. It will sound ridiculous but get a good cry out of it, vent out your feelings of rejection and of feeling unloved once and for all. Tell your friend how he walked away and never looked back and how lonely you felt. Yes, it’s going to hurt but what are best friends for if not for lending a shoulder to cry on.

Start dating again

Once you start to feel like the guy you love is slowly but surely fading from your life, don’t resign yourself to staying single. Get rid of the myth that there is only one perfect person for everyone. Although you may not be completely over your ex, try dating again. However, don’t put pressure on yourself to find someone that will replace your #ex. If there’s a guy who seems genuinely interested in you and seems like relationship material, go on and agree to meet him for a date. There are many fish in the sea, and most people will have multiple relationships before they find the one that sticks. One of the things that can prevent you from stopping to love someone is thinking that this person was the one. As your heart is healing from the breakup, you will meet some awesome people until you find the #right person for you. Believe that it is possible to find someone better than him. This will help you get rid of the false belief that he is the best person in the world and so it will help you stop loving him. This is a part of life experience, and there are things that can be learned from each relationship to help make the ultimate relationship better. At least you got to hang out with someone nice who made you feel special and wanted. Most of the time, loving someone who doesn’t love you back seems like the end of the world.

Do not keep replaying memories

You hold yourself back when you keep thinking of the good times. You need to stop replaying the good memories over and over in your head. The fact is – he does not love you anymore, if he ever did. Stop thinking about what happened, and stop imagining that you will have good times together in the future. The relationship is over. This must be accepted in order for you to move on.

Grieve the loss of what could have been

Allow yourself time to grieve over the loss of a relationship. But being sad is a part of life. No one can be happy all the time -- nor should you. After a breakup, it’s normal to feel anger, confusion, betrayal and sadness. It's only a problem if you become so attached to your unhappiness that you are reluctant to give it up because it's become part of your identity. Sit in a quiet area and allow yourself to feel as bad as you like for at least an hour. Really feel it. Don’t overanalyze everything that went wrong. Accept that there is a certain amount -- a lot actually -- that you will never know. You simply can't look into another person's heart. Force yourself not to talk constantly and write long emails about him to friends. You will eventually tire yourself out. Chances are you will need to do this less and less every day. As you process those difficult emotions, remember that you deserve to be with someone that is crazy in love with you. It is better that he ended it instead of stringing you along. Once you have given yourself some time to mourn the loss of the relationship, force yourself to socialize with others. The best way to overcome those depressing feelings is to be around #people that you enjoy hanging out with.

It takes time

At this point, your heart and your mind are at complete war with each other. It takes time for your heart and mind to accept the reality and get in alignment with each other. One of the best tips on how to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you back is to give yourself time to heal.

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    • PinoyWitch profile image

      Jude Ian 12 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I second that thank you @Say Yes To Life:)

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 12 months ago from Benin

      Say Yes To Life thanks for your contribution.

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 12 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      PinoyWitch - I too am VERY happy for you! If the guy you liked was straight, he is NOT for you - PERIOD!!!

      I'm straight, but I once had a crush on a girl. Not only was she straight also, she was a homophobe! But she was a great friend to have. I never told her about my crush - if I had, it would have ruined everything!

    • PinoyWitch profile image

      Jude Ian 12 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

      don't worry, it's all behind me now. thanks:)

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 12 months ago from Benin

      PinoyWitch thanks for your compliment. I am happy for you that you have a partner who loves you. Then there is no need thinking of having a relationship with your friend. It is not nice to cheat on someone who loves you. Devote your attention to your partner. Best wishes.

    • PinoyWitch profile image

      Jude Ian 12 months ago from Cebu, Philippines

      I have a similar story @Say Yes To Life but slightly different. See, I'm a gay guy, who's been secretly carrying a torch for a friend of mine since high school, ever since I first saw him(cliche'). He's straight(I'm not really sure about that) and married now. All my friends know, but he was clueless. I have a partner now, who loves me unconditionally but still I can't help thinking about that guy from time to time, hoping I'd bump into him somewhere(which thankfully never happened yet). Maybe it's just my subconscious self trying to tell me it's not over because I never did have the courage to admit to him and to myself that we were just not meant to be. I used to think maybe if I took the risk and told him, and he'll reject me and that would be the end of our friendship, it'll be easier for me to let go.

      But like what @Chuksm said, "Love yourself first and the rest will fall into place", I gave myself time to accept that we can't always get what we want, because that's not what we need. If he had known then, it surely would have made it worse, not to mention awkward. And I would've never found the right one for me.

      Thanks for a great and wonderful hub Chuksm and you both have a nice day:)

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 16 months ago from Benin

      Say yes to life thanks for your contribution. It made an interesting reading. It is good to go down the memory lane sometimes but when you continue looking behind you can't move forward. So it is time for you to "Really get a life."

    • Say Yes To Life profile image

      Yoleen Lucas 16 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

      When I was in the 6th grade, I had a HUGE crush on a German guy. Of course it was unrequited. A sympathetic elderly woman from the neighboring country of Holland told me she'd had an unrequited crush on a boy in her class when she was about the same age. A flower was sitting on his desk, and she took it and pressed it into a book, to remember him by.

      She told me she recently was going through her old books, and she came across that flower. It brought back memories of the guy. But she realized by now, he was most likely a grandfather, and nothing like the child she remembered. So she opened the window and threw the flower out; the wind blew it away. I still find that story achingly haunting.

      A few years back, I found my childhood crush on FaceBook. It sounds like he'd led a very turbulent family life. His ex-wife apparently tried to turn his son against him, but they eventually reunited. I saw pictures of him holding his grandchild, and I realized the same thing happened to me that happened to my elderly friend. I would never throw away any mementos of him, but I realize it is high time I move on.

      He remarried a few years ago. I took it hard, but I have to admit, I'm ill equipped to handle his apparent family drama, so it's just as well.

      What I really need is to get a life!

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 17 months ago from Benin

      Thanks dashscorpio for your comment. I quite agree with you that, "If a man is (into you) he will make sure you know he thinks you're special."

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 17 months ago

      Great advice!

      Sometimes women going through a "bad boy" phase intentionally choose guys whom they consider to be a "challenge" versus dating "nice guys".

      This usually occurs with younger women. Their motto seems to be:

      "We ignore those who adore us and adore those who ignore us."

      You could stick such a woman in a room with five guys and have four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sits in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she doesn't exist.

      That will be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's a mystery, a challenge, someone who will make her (earn) his attention, praise, and affection. If other women desire the guy it just makes him that much more valuable. Competition will cause her to go all out to "win" him over. He'll keep her "guessing" about how he feels about her as he is close to her one day and distant another while rarely complimenting her....etc

      They view the "nice guy" as being (boring) lacking mystery or challenge.

      It's not until after several heartaches, heavy drama, and disappointment that such women make a practical decision to give "nice guys" a chance. Even when they do many feel like they chose to "settle". The decision came from the mind and not their heart. However ultimately they do come to appreciate the stability and loving relationship with a "nice guy".

      It's important that everyone know them self, love them self, and trust them self. You have to have "boundaries" and "deal breakers".

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If a man is (into you) he will make sure you know he thinks you're special!