- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
18 Reasons You Should Not Become The Other Woman
How Not To Become The Other Woman
Marriage is a very close and intimate union between two people. When a person gets married, he/she also needs to adhere to his/her marital vow in order for the #marriage to work. There are many women who fall in #love with married men unintentionally, while many others intentionally seek out married men for the thrill of being with a man who is technically un-available. Have you been in this situation? Are you currently dating a married man? Married men seldom leave their wives, regardless of what they tell their mistresses. They have too much at stake, too many personal and financial irons in the fire. It is entirely possible that someday he may leave his wife, however, you live in the present, not the future, and you have no guarantees that his marriage will end. If they do leave, the ensuing relationships are tenuous at best. Some survive. Most implode under the guilt and deception they’ve created.
There is no way for him to maintain two honest and open relationships in this situation. If he is lying to his spouse, do not think for even one second that he is not lying to you as well. The biggest and most common lie that married men who cheat utilize is that they no longer are sexually active with their wives. Many will even claim to have separate sleeping quarters. Don't believe that lie even for one fleeting second. If he is still married to her and they are still living under the same roof and she has no idea that your relationship exists, he is still sleeping in the same bed with her. The reasons not to get involved with a married man are numerous. There will be serious limitations and you should consider them thoroughly before embarking on an affair or continuing your affair with a married man. So here are some sound reasons not to date a married man.
It is wrong
However, the question always remains as to whether it is right to fall in love with a married man? Other women may defend their actions by saying they didn’t intend to fall in love with a married man. Of all the reasons not to get involved with a married man, the primary one has to be this: it's just plain wrong. The married man and his #girlfriend can come up with all sorts of reasons to justify what they're doing - it's real love, his wife doesn't treat him right, etc. Those are excuses - cheating is never right, and a decent person just wouldn't be part of it. Tell yourself that what you’re doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. Then tell him it’s over and leave. Love is one of the most difficult emotions to control. As much as a woman might truly and deeply love a married man, the reality is that the relationship is not heading anywhere. For this reason, it is better to end it sooner, rather than later, so as to get enough time to heal. It may be rough in the beginning. You’ll be much happier in the long run
Think of the man’s family
You shouldn’t be selfish! Before deciding to have a relationship with that married man, remember the family that is going to be ruined. His family will always come first, and that includes his wife. Simply because he talks in a negative way about his marriage doesn’t mean that his obligations to his wife are any less important to him. The situation will get worse if there are children involved. The children will definitely be the worst affected if the man decides to leave them. If for nothing else, then the family unit should convince the woman that it is not right to fall in love with a married man.
You should never settle for less than they deserve
Value yourself highly enough not to put up with a man who is already in a #relationship. Why become a second best? His wife and family will come first. When you get involved with a married man, you will always be second best. Is that what you want out of a relationship? Why on earth, would a beautiful, intelligent and smart woman want to settle for a man who cannot be committed in a real relationship, just because the man is married? Wouldn’t it be better you look for a single man who will be fully dedicated to having a real relationship? A man with a family will never be able to offer a woman the satisfaction of being in a real relationship. You need to believe in yourself and your capacity to attract a single man, with whom you can share a relationship with no strings attached.
He will not be available for important occasions
Let's remember, he's covering up his cheating, so you won't be able to contact him easily, he won't be there for important occasions, and you'll never be able to rely on him. Expect to be spending all major holidays alone. He will be in the company of his family, which does include his wife and not with you. Unless you are well socialized, you can expect to be very lonely during these times. You will be alone most of the time and spends it waiting: waiting for your married lover to call, to come meet you, to share some precious time together. You are not his wife, or mother to his children. Your chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least.
You are dealing with a liar
If you’re involved with a married man, get out now. Another of the significant reasons not to get involved with a married man is that he is a liar. Whatever he says, he won't leave his wife, and he's almost certainly still sleeping with her. Run for the door and don’t look back. It’s not too late to amend your ways. What you can expect when engaged in this type of relationships are a lot of spontaneous changes in your ability to see each other. Expect last minute rendezvous at the drop of a hat, but also expect that even your best laid plans are subject to last minute cancellations. Take control of your relationships. You are not a helpless victim. You determine whom you’re with. Don’t delude yourself into thinking it’s fate. If you’re in a bad relationship, change it. You’ll reclaim a sense of personal power. Your relationships will improve.
Keep your distance from a man in an unhappy marriage
Married people can have problems in their #marital life and they tend to open up their personal issues to their close friends to gain attention and sympathy. The problem starts when he wants to share his sad story and you want to rescue him from his miserable #wife. That draws you too close together and lights the spark for the kindling to ignite. The best thing to do is advice he get into therapy. You’ve done what you needed to do. A man who is in a very unhappy or unsatisfying marriage can feel swept away by how wonderful you make him feel. He may even blurt out, "I've never felt this way before and I can see spending the rest of my life with you." This may sound like a commitment to a future with you. It's not. . They will only give such promises to someone so that they can have a romantic relationship with them and does not even care if this person may end up heartbroken. Don't confuse his loving the way you make him feel with his loving you and making a commitment to you. The chances are he still loves his wife anyway. You’re merely filling in the gaps of what he’s not getting at home. If a man is in the process of divorcing, steer clear for at least a year. Divorce is complicated. There’s the legal side of everything to worry about, he’ll lose his home, his children, and he’ll have to deal with the guilt of breaking up his family. Even if he’s on his way to being single, he’s still not an appropriate date. He has loads of emotional baggage to sort through. Give him space to grow and heal.
His life with you is secret and always will be
Being the other woman requires you to take a step back and take a cold, hard, analytical look at the realities of your situation. The woman who is in love with a married man lives a life that, for the most part, is shrouded in #secrecy. While he is more than willing to be your lover and to bring you gifts, he is not about to have you meet his friends and risk having his family find out about you. No matter how much you may want to walk in the sunshine with him and have him openly acknowledge his love for you, it won’t happen. Walking together freely and radiantly through the world can fill you with the glow of being with someone who is proud to be with you. Hiding is exhausting. Having to keep your relationship a secret can attack your self-esteem and cause you to miss out on one of the wonderful aspects of a relationship.
No matter how nice a guy he is, you are a temporary diversion for him
If this guy is so in love with you then why hasn’t he left his wife yet? Why isn’t he with you? Stealing hours from work or home to have sex is exciting, and you may mistake his libido-driven passion for undying love. Don’t. If he was committed to your relationship, and he thought you were “the one” he’d leave his wife, get divorced, and move in with you. No matter what he’s leaving behind, if he really loved you, he’d be with you. You need to face the facts. If he hasn’t left his wife, it’s because he doesn’t want to leave her.
Would you like it?
Try to put yourself in the shoes of the man’s wife. There is one question you should always ask yourself if you become interested in a married man: how would you like to be the one who is cheated on? How would you feel if another woman did the same to you? You know from the very start that it will be unfair to his spouse if you engage yourself in a relationship with a married man. If you really respect yourself, then you should understand that the only thing you will end up doing is break up a family, and that is not a label any woman wants to have. Give due respect to yourself and find anyone who is single and can devote his time to you. You wouldn't like it if another woman went after your #partner, so don't do it to anyone else.
He will not leave his wife
Only 10 percent of married men marry their affair partner, according to psychologist Shirley Glass in a July-August 1998. Whether it is because of all the legal and financial problems attached to divorce, religious beliefs or the fact that they have become comfortable with their marriage the way it is — or even because they still have a certain affection for their wives, men rarely end up with the other woman. If you are hoping that someday you will share that house with the picket fence with the married man you’re attracted to, that statistic should give you think again. He is still having sex with his wife, no matter what you may want to believe.
He is eating his cake and having it back
He is eating his cake and getting it back, too. He doesn’t need to leave his wife – This man gets to sneak over to yours to have mind-blowing #sex, then he goes home, has his dinner, and plays with his kids for a while. That speaks volumes about his moral compass. Many women who are involved with married men come to resent his having the best of both worlds, when she has the least. He has you, the sexy lover who gives him everything he needs sexually, and then he has the wife who cooks, cleans, and looks after him. He literally has everything a man needs. He’s just getting those needs met by two separate women so why would he leave his wife and disrupt his comfortable life when he can get the best of both worlds?
His Kids will resent you
If he has children, your involvement in his life could be incredibly damaging to them and they are likely to resent you because you broke up their home. Don’t play a part in messing up children's lives; stay well away. You are doomed to live with the consequences of the affair if you marry him, and your reputation with family, friends and co-workers could suffer. Besides, can you respect a man who puts his own selfish needs before that of the children he brought into the #world? A realistic look at your future could suddenly look far less rosy and attractive.
He will also cheat on you
If your married friend, is willing to cheat on his wife, that could be a warning sign for you as well if you decide to pursue a #romantic relationship with him. Men who #cheat can never be trusted. #Cheating on his wife tells you how he’ll cheat on you. If you do manage to #bag your man, and he leaves his wife for you, how can you ever be sure he won't do the same to you? This means that he's likely to resort to some devious behavior with you if the two of you encounter relationship problems.
He will not have respect for you
Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife? The existence of your relationship with a married man tells you how little he respects his wife by lying to her instead of being a man and telling her he wants out. He will still end up do same to you. Quit the relationship now.
Time is too precious to waste
Ever notice how quickly the years go as you get older? Being part of any couple can be challenging and unpredictable, as we all know. But when the man with whom you’re involved is part of another couple, someone else’s #husband, then the challenge and unpredictability can make your life a messy, unhappy waiting game that you will rarely win. Because it's convenient and comfortable, a relationship with a married man can go on for a long time -- and before you know it, eat up the precious time you might have had in a healthy relationship with a chance of flourishing. When people who have been involved with married men finally move on, they often regret having wasted the time in a dead-end affair.
You are an accomplice
Some may regard you as a home wrecker, while others will not, whichever way you are an accomplice. Like it or not, you are a willing participant in a man violating his vows and betraying the trust of his wife -- not to mention grossly disappointing his children and making it difficult for them to see him as a role model.
It can boomerang
Beware the guilt boomerang. Many men have difficulty accepting full responsibility for their deceitful actions. Human nature finds it easier to blame than to accept shame. If he is caught by his wife or conscience, don't be surprised if he tries to blame you and get you to take the fall.
There is a high possibility that your relationship will end badly. It could get very messy, and you will get hurt. Do you really believe that is what you deserve? It’s a really bad idea and something that no sensible #woman should ever do. It will only lead to #heartbreak and can devastate not just your own life, but that of his family as well. Getting involved with a married man has huge potential to hurt everyone involved. Find yourself a man who is free to be with you and only wants you.
The question you must ask yourself is, what kind of a relationship do you really want? Do you want a relationship that you don't have to hide? Do you want to be able to go out in public together without fear of discovery? Do you want to be able to introduce your partner to your friends and family and spend holidays and special occasions together? If these are things necessary to your happiness, you must take them into account when deciding who you date. Endeavor to uncover your strengths. Your outlook and self-esteem could take a more positive turn if you take a realistic look at what you have to offer a life partner. Be clear about the information you discover about yourself and include parts of that information in a profile on a dating site, specifying that you seek only single men. The number of responses you get should help you see that your prospects for a romantic #relationship are not limited to a man who will probably never be yours, or if he is, he will be so encumbered with baggage that you have no chance for happiness. Get out of the situation, and go find a man of your own who loves you and only you. Surely you deserve that.