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19 Subtle Mistakes Most Men Make With Women That Cause Relationship to Fail

Updated on July 15, 2016

Things Men Do To Destroy Their Marriage

God enjoined men, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also love the church, and gave himself to it.” Even with this most couples intuitively understand that problems are inevitably part of a relationship, much the way chronic physical ailments are inevitable as you get older. All the headaches, all the tears, all the sufferings of married life come out of the fountain of selfishness. It is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. There are no perfect relationships; we all make mistakes, and while it is good to learn from them and avoid repeating the same ones, some men lack this attribute and cause irreparable damage to their relationship. Here are behaviors of men that can completely destroy their marriage.

Leaving wife alone

This quickest way to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone and not spending quality time with her. Communication is the most powerful element of a successful relationship. So stop being a workaholic or spending time with your friends, instead of spending time with your wife and children. You should not only tell your wife you love her, you have to back it up with actions. Reunite at the end of the day and talk about how it went. The goal is to bleed off stress from the day so it can’t negatively affect your relationship.

Lack of Communication

Your wife does not understand the closed-off and mysterious way you operate. Things don't seem to bother you. You never want to talk to her. She knows you are stressed about work, yet you don't show it or express that further to her. She wonders how you can even function. Your wife is not trying to pry or sneak her way into no-man's land. She simply wants you to be open. Hiding things from your wife and not letting her know the real you, can be very destructive. She wants to truly communicate with you. Being independent is good, but things should be transparent between you and your wife, else she might become skeptical about things and this might be very unhealthy for your relationship. Most people talk too much about things that don't matter so listen with a genuine desire to understand your wife. Refusing to let her know you is destructive to her and your marriage. She feels loved when you share your fears, worries, and troubles. She wants to be that person for you and committed to being so when you got married. She won't try to fix you. She will listen. Try talking to her about what is going on in your life. Women like to vent, without seeking a solution, and she wants to give you the freedom to share yourself verbally. The important thing to remember is to help her feel connected. Try talking to her about your day, your fears, hopes, and dreams. So men please learn to be free with your wives and communicate some more with them, it is to everybody's benefit especially that of your relationship. This will go a long way and mean everything to her and, in turn, your marriage.

Lack of Affection

Talking is not the only way women feel close, although it is an important one. One of the most miserable experiences for a wife and one of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. This means things like spending long hours at work and following it up by a beer or several afterward with the guys. Leaving your wife alone or not paying enough attention to her could create more distance than you realize. When you stop spending time together, the emotional distance between you two grows quickly. When a wife begins to nag because you never spend time at home, never hang out with her, and never engage with the kids, chances are she is feeling abandoned and isolated. When she feels abandoned by you, she attacks with hurtful and disrespectful behavior. Her ability to verbally hurt you is her strongest weapon, and she uses it out of fear in an effort to try to get your attention. Your wife feels energized when she feels close to you. Hug her often, hold her hand when you go out together, and to spend some time alone with her. Kiss her unexpectedly in the kitchen while she makes dinner. Sit next to her. Physical tenderness is not only intimate and seductive, but it's glue that keeps two of you close and bonded to each other. Its absence usually means the two of you have grown far apart. Ask her how she is doing, and for a few minutes, give her your undivided attention while she answers. It is not fair to either of you if you are only affectionate and attentive on the days you want sex or something from her. When your wife feels close to you, she will also be more willing to engage with you on a more intimate, sexual level.

Always Trying to Change Her

Even when she doesn't always say it, your wife sees you as her strength. As her shining armor, when she comes to you for help to lighten the load from the weight of her world, it is a compliment. She knows you can handle it. Do what you can without trying to change her. Couples spend year after year trying to change each other’s mind because most of their disagreements are rooted in fundamental differences of lifestyle, personality, or values. But it can’t be done. By fighting over these differences, all they succeed in doing is wasting their time and harming their marriage. Rather than trying to change her, try to just listen to her. Furthermore, when you listen, she will feel like you understand her.

Not Making Her Feel Special

Let your wife know that she is on your mind during the day that will make her believe that she has a special place in your life. She does not necessarily require fancy jewelry or expensive meals, but granted, those things are nice, however, she will feel most loved by the small tokens of your love and appreciation. Give her a call or send her a text during the day to let her know you are thinking of her. Offer to help with dinner, or wash the dishes. These are small gifts of your time that mean the world to your wife. If you continue to act and do things you typically do for all your friends, she might feel that there is no difference between her and your friends, and that she doesn’t hold a special place in your heart. For your wife, the most important days of the year are her birthday and the day she married you. Celebrate these days by spending time with just her. It will mean more than any expensive gift ever could. The cost of the gift is secondary to the thought you put into it.

Never to Apologize

All marriages have conflict, but not taking responsibility for your behaviors or feeling self-justified and righteous that you seldom think you’ve awed and need to apologize for your hurtful, insensitive or demeaning words or behaviors is wrong. The refusal to apologize is a quick way to destroy your relationship. Many husbands see apologizing as a sure sign of weakness. Some men erroneously believe that if they apologize their wives will no longer respect them. On the contrary, your small act of contrition soothes her spirit, and acts as a healing balm over her heart. Furthermore, it shows that you're open and willing to make your marriage work and that you care enough to admit to your faults and move past and through them. This will prevent her from seeking stimulation or solace in all the wrong places, through alcohol, drugs, or an affair.

Lack of Respect

Myles Munroe wrote, “Many marriages today, including Christian marriages, suffer because the husbands do not properly understand or carry out their responsibilities as the head of their families. Too often their headship degenerates into an authoritarian rule that dominates both wife and children.” The both husband and wife are clear on the issue of headship, that understanding will promote marital harmony and success. Interactions, even those with difficult or unpleasant elements, should remain positive and continue to reflect your determination to hold each other in high esteem. There will be times where you don’t agree on an issue and it will be how you handle this issue as a team that will make all the difference in the world. It’s important to respect your partner’s differences, even when you are in the bitterest argument. This does not allow you to disrespect your partner out in public or in front of friends and family.

Having low trust

One of the big problems in many marriages is that the husband and wife have trouble relating to each other with trust. It’s very hard to be with someone who isn't willing to offer you benefit of the doubt or who sees your motives as suspicious.

Being a Control Freak

You might be prone to a short temper, and your wife is often afraid of upsetting you and the wrath she might endure. Bullying has worked for you, so you feel no need to change. While it is good to correct people when you feel they are wrong, but always trying to control people even when they are right is bad. You are not perfect; there are things that you have no idea about, so stop judging her all the time and telling her that there is nothing that she can do right because women are no less smart than men.

Taking Her Insecurities Too Lightly

Taking her problems and insecurities lightly might screw up your relationship. Your wife has committed her life to you, and wants to feel secure in the fact that you are equally committed to her. She’ll be motivated by your love and loyalty. The whole point of being in marriage is to support each other during the highs and lows. Her peace of mind ought to be worth the cost of an inexpensive, outward expression of your fidelity. If your wife is feeling insecure, rather than make light of the moment, look at her and give her the assurance she seeks, and ease her troubled mind. Activities like any belittling, joking, or teasing will devalue her feelings. If you neglect your wife’s problems and do not care about her feelings, then there is no meaning to your marriage or your commitment.

Not taking care of her physical needs

Men should not become selfish and think only about their own orgasm and ignore their partner’s needs because when you are married, sex is supposed to be fun. But when you only focus on your own orgasm, it's no fun. Relationship between you and your wife should be mutual where you both should not only become each other’s mental strength but also take care of physical desires. When you devalue the depth of your sexual relationship with nonchalant attitude, the intimate sharing, designed to bring you closer and cement the bond between you will not be possible. Your wife needs the same thoughtful consideration. Start in the morning with a kiss. Tell her she's beautiful. Women never get tired of hearing that from the man they love. Help get the kids ready for school. After work, ask about her day. Don’t only go close to her when you want sex.

Not Taking Responsibility

From drinking habits to husbands cheating, an addiction, an affair or poor performance in your life, many times, husbands blame their wives as the reason for their weakness. They are fond of saying, "She makes me drink because of her nagging. I cheated because she wouldn't take care of me. I'm doing poorly because she never encourages me." They place the entire blame on their wife’s nagging or her not being good enough, that led them down the path of wrongdoing. This is wrong on so many levels; you are responsible for your own behavior, so it is time for you to start being mature and take responsibilities for your own actions and choices. You need to take full responsibility for your own behavior. Rather than blaming someone or something else, stand up and take control. Make your life reflect the values you desire. If your wife really is the root of all the problems in your life, then take control of that as well have the courage to tell her the truth. She can't change if you aren't willing to express the problem.

Not Keeping Promises Made

Walk your talk. Well, the worst one is not living up to your word. It is better not to make any promise but possibly give her a healthy surprise than promising what you are not ready to fulfill it. One thing that turns your wife on and signals that you truly love her is doing what you say you are going to. Even you are not told, your wife will really hate it when you promise something of your own volition, then go back on it and offer excuses for it. If you want to do something, just do it, because it makes your wife look at him differently. At least, if you decide not to do something she was never expecting, no harm done, than promising and not keeping to your promise. A woman had this to say about men not keeping their promises, “I just can’t stand it. Habitually make promises they never keep? Then they compound the problem by coming up with ridiculous excuses? It's very hard to look at those men with respect.”

Not Give Your Wife Space

It’s good to miss your partner sometimes, it reminds you that you are there because of choice and not because he/she is all up in your face. A woman should have some space. Your wife may be so much in love with you but sometimes, she just need to be left alone. Some men want some space but they want to know where their wives are very minute of the day. It is okay to be jealous sometimes, but not all the time. Excessive possessiveness could be counter-productive. She could become angry that you don’t trust her. She’ll need time for her friends and family members.

Being overly critical and argumentative

Are you those types of men who believe you are always right and everyone else is wrong? When your wife doesn’t agree with you, you try to put her down. You are always talking and never give her a chance to say anything. No, it’s not right. When you are always defensive, it becomes increasingly difficult for your mate to say anything to you that you don't want to hear so she becomes scared/ discouraged.

Getting lost in despair

When you shut your wife out to brood in your despair, it fills her with fear. Unlike men, women like to talk things out when something is troubling them. But most men have the habit of shutting things out and not expressing how they feel. When you feel stressed about work, about money, about your relationship, you turn inward. This provokes your wife's fear of abandonment and rejection. She thinks you don't love her when you refuse to speak She follows you around, asking if everything is alright but some men think that it’s a sign of weakness to ask for help or to even express how they’re feeling when they’re feeling low. She knows something is wrong, and she begins to assume that she is the problem. When you don’t discuss your feelings and the cause of stress with your wife, it makes her insecure because she wants you to trust her, so she can trust you. You can trust her. Share your real feelings with her, and she will open her heart to you.

Infidelity or Betrayal:

This is the worst method you can ever adopt to tell your partner you're unhappy because once trust is ruptured it is extremely difficult to recapture. Myles Munroe wrote, “A wife needs to know that her husband is committed to their home and marriage, that he puts her ahead of any other women and puts their children ahead of any other children. She needs to know that he will be home at night and that he will give first priority to his family when making decisions on the commitment of his time.” It's hard to trust someone who has deceived, misled or betrayed you in the past.


People believe that it is women that nag but some men nag too. Nagging corrodes the atmosphere of communication between you. Being resentful, angry or hostile most of the time ruins relationship. I have cause to believe that before a man nags, there must be a reason for it but you must accommodate and try to mold your partner in a subtle way for the men it’s not good to indulge a woman in her attitude. The "where are you" question is usually a valid one because most men feel their partners don't have to know where they are all the time but they will wish to have the women's timetable to the minutes. If your wife has done or is doing something wrong, call her attention to it and don’t continue to criticize her because in the long run it will affect the relationship which might lead to break up or cheating. I believe pointing out a fact once is enough, unless the partner is a simpleton, mentally slow, or suffers amnesia.

Picking the Wrong Woman

Choosing the wrong woman sets you up for failure in marriage. Find out as much as possible about each other before you marry. Really knowing each other is vital; emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of their partner’s world change before marriage because a woman in distress, who just moves from crisis to crisis, will continue to be in distress after you marry her. A woman who criticizes your every decision will continue to do so even after marriage. A control freak always wants control, even after the wedding. The bottom line is: if she is the wrong woman before the marriage, she'll be the wrong woman when and after you get married. Manufacturers know that bad raw material cannot produce quality finished product. If you want a nice wife, then date a nice woman and marry her. Treat her with love and respect and she will return the kindness. Trying to rescue a woman in distress will only lead you to feel used and unappreciated. A strong marriage begins with a good-willed woman and a good-willed man. It flourishes as you both grow in love and respect toward each other.


While this list may seem daunting, it is important to remember that the main goal of marriage should be peace and happiness. If life is stressful, work on changing your perception. You can see peace instead of stress. Myles Munroe wrote, “Marriage that lasts a lifetime must be built on a solid foundation that will not rot, erode, or wear away over time. a successful, happy, and fruitful marital relationship must be founded on principles that are permanent not temporary; forged from things that last, not fade away.” So husbands treat your wives with love and understanding.


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    • Chuksm profile imageAUTHOR

      Anthony Modungwo 

      2 years ago from Benin

      Thanks Contagious Leslie for the addition.

    • Contagious Leslie profile image

      Modisty Brown 

      2 years ago from Newberry,South Carolina

      Not being a stong male figure.

    • Chuksm profile imageAUTHOR

      Anthony Modungwo 

      2 years ago from Benin

      Thanks dashingscorpio for your comment. Choosing a life partner carefully is very crucial for successful and happy married life. I share the same opinion with you on this.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Excellent advice!

      Picking the wrong woman is the worst mistake of them all! :)


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