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No Holding Hands, No Kissing! Courting with the Duggars

Updated on October 29, 2014

Courting 101 | Source

Courting Method for Duggars could work for you!

I'm not an overly huge fan of “19 kids and counting," however, I do like the courting method used by the family for their children.

They are only allowed to go on dates with a group or chaperoned by brothers or sisters. One of the reasons for dating within a group is to see what the suitor is really like around friends and family and especially the children. To see how they treat others and also so no hanky panky takes place.

They set the rules for themselves as a couple and stick by it with a little help from family & friends. The more time you spend with someone without physical desire getting in the way the better your relationship will be emotionally and have a better chance of it lasting for a lifetime.

Once engaged they are allowed to hold hands if they wish. They are not forced to
set certain rules upon themselves but most adhere to the "No Holding Hands"
until properly engaged. They usually save the first kiss to the wedding day.

The courting rules certainly are different than the usual but I believe that
if this method is used it could change the divorce rate, the unplanned
pregnancy rate and build healthy relationships that can stand the test of


"Courtship is really getting to know each other for the purpose of possibly getting engaged and getting married," the father of 19 said.

“The main reason for courting and dating is setting boundaries for yourself so that you don't cross over those."

No Holding Hands, No Kissing!

So how do they show affection? With "side-hugs" when they say hello or goodbye. They also are saving their first kiss for the wedding.

The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families

Do You Think Courting Is a Good Idea?

Do You Think Courting Is a Good Idea?

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A Covenant Marriage

I recently read that Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard have a covenant marriage.

I know what you're thinking, what does that mean?

Wikipedia says: It is a legally distinct kind of marriage, in which the marrying couple agree to obtain pre-marital counseling and accept more limited grounds for later seeking divorce. Generally, covenant marriage statutes prohibit no-fault divorce.

According to proponents of covenant marriage, the movement sets out to promote and strengthen marriages, reduce the rate of divorce, lessen the number of children born out of wedlock, discourage cohabitation, and frame marriage as an honorable and desirable institution.

[Growing Up Duggar] Audiobook by Jana Duggar:GROWING UP DUGGAR Audio CD

Jill Duggar, star of "19 Kids & Counting," with Husband Derick Dillard.

abcnews.go.com992 × 558Search by image PHOTO: Jill Duggar, star of "19 Kids & Counting," with Derick Dillard. Source: abcnews.go.com992 × 558Search by image PHOTO: Jill Duggar, star of "19 Kids & Counting," with Derick Dillard.
abcnews.go.com992 × 558Search by image PHOTO: Jill Duggar, star of "19 Kids & Counting," with Derick Dillard. Source: abcnews.go.com992 × 558Search by image PHOTO: Jill Duggar, star of "19 Kids & Counting," with Derick Dillard.

Duggar Rule #1: Don't date, "court," which is dating with a purpose.

While the Duggars court to remain pure, they also do it to find their future partner. And if that's what you're after too only date people you see a future with.

Duggar Rule #2: To court a Duggar girl, dad must approve.

While the idea of getting permission to date seems strange it exists for an
awesome reason If your family or friends doesn't like who you
are dating maybe you should rethink your choice.

Your family and friends only want what's best for you and therefore it
would be a good idea to give your guy/gal a second look before going further.

I'm not saying that people don't make mistakes but at least listen to them.
Watching for red flags will hopefully keep you from making a
mistake that's hard to undo.

Growing Up Duggar: It's All About Relationships Growing Up Duggar: It's All About Relationships

What is the Secret to Your Marriage?

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Duggar Rule #3: Group dates only

The Duggar girls are only allowed on group dates and cannot be left alone
without a chaperone. The chaperone prevents them from temptation,
but group dates also serve another purpose.

We want to get acquainted with a young man in a normal family setting, where we'll be watching how he treats our brothers and sisters. We want to see how he reacts to normal family events, such as Josie accidentally spilling her milk in his lap, Jackson unintentionally ruining his board game or Joseph trouncing him in a basketball match.

It's really important to see how your partner acts around and treats
other people, especially your respective families and friends.

Despite what the Duggars believe, it's important to have alone time with
your mate, but when you see how he interacts with different groups
of people and in different situations, you'll learn who he really is.

What couldn't you live without while courting?

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Season 9 Episode 1


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    • TaraLRichardson profile image

      Tara Richardson 3 years ago from New Mexico

      Amanda you bring up some very good points that I hadn't thought of.

    • Amanda Roddy profile image

      Amanda Roddy 3 years ago

      . From what I know about Fundamentalism and things the parents have the kids do not pick the rules. When Jill and Derick hugged, Mechelle looked miffed and said that wont happen again. Jessa gave Ben a front hug too and the same reaction. if the kids can choose, how come they all choose the same thing and there are negative reactions just for a quick front hug?

      I totally disagree with the courting. To me it sets up for failure. You have created such a strong emotional bond , it hurts more because you expected marriage.As far as temptation goes, it also incites temptation, The urges grow so strong when you cant release some tension by kissing or hand holding, there is a rush to the altar. If you raised good kids, they should know when to say when without being hovered over. Some people who grew up this way speak of how courting damaged their confidence by too many false promises. Females speak of being afraid to even be a guy's friend and vice versa. No model can fully deter divorce and unplanned pregnancy. That takes knowledge. Purity is great, but these kids are afraid of getting jumped or 'defrauded' at every street corner.And what if one of them doesn't want to marry?