The Other Woman: 20 Ridiculous Questions She Never Asks, But Should
Being human is complicated. We rationalize our actions so that we can persist in behavior that relieves our pain and increases our pleasure. Often we victimize another human being and then vilify the victim to justify our actions.
Literature and the media are awash stories about the other woman. This list is not meant to condemn her - only to help us see the ridiculousness of the rationale - the lies that the other woman makes herself believe in easing her conscience. It's not noble. It's not honorable. It's destructive to the individual, to our children, and to society.
Questions the Other Woman Doesn't Want Answered
You don’t really mind if your husband and I go out to lunch together today, do you?
I’m sure it doesn't bother you that your husband and I are talking a lot on the phone recently or that I call him at work, does it?
Tell me, when did you and "Tim" fall in love? Tell me your love story.
You probably haven’t been happy in your marriage for a long time. Right?
Don’t you understand how I could your prefer husband to mine? Why don’t you get that?
Your parents and friends all think this it's good that Tim is seeing me, right?
All the people at my work who are divorced are so happy. I want to be happy, too. Why shouldn't I be happy with your husband?
When is the last time you and your husband made love? It wasn't yesterday, was it?
So, I'm sure you don’t care that your husband just said to me, in front of all our mutual friends, “You continue to fascinate me.” Right? I’m sure you don’t mind.
What would you propose I do when I have these feelings for your husband?
Do you really want to keep your marriage after knowing we have a relationship?
It doesn’t really make a difference to you that he moved out after your 18-year history and has his own apartment now, does it? Look at all the freedom you have.
You don’t really think your daughter is very affected by his leaving, do you? After all, she has always thought of me like a second mom. My children aren’t affected and if they are, they’ll get over it. Can’t you see that?
Don’t you understand that if you would be all right with your husband's marriage to me that all the children in both our families would be just fine?
I can’t imagine that you’re angry at your husband because of me. It must be some deep-seated other problem you have that just now cropped up, don't you think?
I don’t understand why you can’t understand that he comes first now in my life and my children are second. You’d feel the same way if this happened to you. I’m sure, you would, now, wouldn’t you?
Why can’t you accept "Tim" and my marriage?
When all is said and done, aren't you glad this all happened in the first place?
I'm sure your standard of living just went up all these years, didn't it? You probably married a doctor or lawyer of someone like that, right?
Thirty years is a long time to grieve over all of this. You're not still grieving, are you?
It's obvious why I jotted down this list.There is no "Tim". There is no "Kate". But there is the situation, I write anonymously because there are real people and real children (now adults) who involved.
Furthermore, I purposely did not allow comments on this hub because I understand that the expectation for the wife who has been discarded (the ex-wife in this case) is to "get on with her life". (How I hate that phrase!).
I know people will think ill of me for my inability to "get over" the betrayal I felt when my husband left for my best friend and married her shortly after. I accept responsibility for my lack of adaptation in that respect. I realize that after 30 years of grieving, I have not died. I have found the love of a good man once again. I have been to places I would never have gone to with my former husband. However, the emotional scars left by my husband on me and my now-adult child by "the other woman" are deep and touchable - always. I know the feelings of those who feel differently than I do. However, while I do know my own failings in emotional adjustment, I also my own truth and the truth of million of women like me.
My only hope in throwing together this clumsily written hub article is simple:
- If by reading this piece, one "other woman" rethinks her role in another woman's marriage, I will feel satisfied.
- If one "other woman" can understand that often men in "good marriages" stray off course during certain critical junctures in their lives, then I will feel I've been useful.
- If one "other woman" understands she was not "chosen" per se, but instead "available", I will be content.
- If one "other woman" realizes that the wife she is betraying is more than likely a wonderful lover and a good, good wife who loves her husband deeply, then I will be pleased.
- If one "other woman" realizes that she is forever significantly affecting the lives of all children who are involved, I will feel gratified.
- And if one other wife somehow through this article is spared the pain of a divorce that never needs to have happened, then I would feel that the pain of my being left was at least "not for nothing".
I will never know if that happens, but that is my fondest hope and the reason for my writing.
For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'. John Greenleaf Whittier