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24 Signs He's Not The One

Updated on October 30, 2016

Signs You Are In A Bad Relationship

When we're newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner -- and the budding relationship itself -- through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses. Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies away from introducing you to his immediate family? It will happen when it happens. She has a tendency to leave dirty dishes and shoes scattered around the house? Your current relationship isn’t what you had dreamed for yourself. Finding out all of the signs of an unhealthy relationship can be hard to face. You have to ask yourself: “Is this person right for me?” It’s not easy to accept that your relationship might not be good for you – but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you can move forward. If you've ever been in a relationship that is stable and wonderful and then move to a relationship that is unhealthy, it might be easier, but if unhealthy relationships are all you've ever known, you might not realize just how great a stable relationship can be.

If you can’t talk about what your partner says and does to you, then it’s a bad relationship. Another big sign of an unhealthy relationship is if you feel unhappy, insecure, and unloved when you’re with your partner. In a good relationship, you feel sure of your partner without having to ask for reassurance. Do you feel secure, happy, fulfilled, and protected in your relationship? Here are the warning signs of a bad relationship that can’t be ignored.

1. YOU TAKE EACH OTHER FOR GRANTED

One of the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship is that you constantly are taking your partner for granted. Do you just assume that he is going to stay with you no matter how you behave? Do you assume that your girlfriend is going to wash your clothes whenever they are dirty? These little things can actually break up a relationship and can make your partner resentful.

2. LACK OF TRUST

Do you find that in your relationship, you don't trust your man to go out by himself? You're always wondering what your partner is up to when you're not around. You and your boyfriend or girlfriend can't go on together as long as you have doubts about what he or she is up to when you're not there. Maybe your new girlfriend keeps her phone on silent. All the time. Your partner doesn’t trust you. If your girlfriend or boyfriend doesn’t trust you or accuses you of lying, then you need to re-evaluate your love. If he opens your mail or shows up at work unexpectedly, he doesn’t trust you. This is a sign of deep insecurity, which could lead to more serious relationship problems. This is actually one sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should be able to trust your partner and should be able to trust him/her not to cheat.

3. YOU’RE ALWAYS BEING CRITICIZED

He is the kind of fellow who thinks he is always right and you are wrong and when you don’t agree with him, he will put you down. If it’s happening a lot, it can affect your self-esteem. If your partner's overly critical eye is starting to affect your self-esteem, it's time to speak up or end the relationship. Good relationships inspire and support. If your mate is comparing you to others, saying you are not earning as much as your friends and other kinds of put-downs, this is probably not the person for you.

4. CONSTANT INSULTS

Does your relationship consist of constant sniping? If you always have to be on the defense then that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. The man that loves you should make you feel cherished; he shouldn't constantly be putting you down.

5. YOUR PARTNER PUTS YOU DOWN IN PRIVATE OR IN FRONT OF OTHERS

If he calls you names, ridicules your thoughts or opinions, or makes you feel like a fool, then he’s not the right man for you. If this persists, you are better off without him or you will soon be dealing with broken heart.

6. YOU’RE NOT HAPPY

Someone who is dating the right person consistently enjoys the relationship and feels a general sense of happiness but if you feel bad, guilty, unhappy, depressed, or sad about your relationship, then you are in an unhealthy relationship. I’m not saying that you wouldn’t argue or be upset with your partner occasionally; even the healthiest couples do that. If you don’t feel secure, comfortable, and loved in your relationship, then you may be with the wrong guy.

7. FIGHTING EVERYDAY

Another sign of an unhealthy relationship that a lot of people overlook is constant fighting. A cost-benefit analysis can be helpful in situations. Sit down for a few minutes and write down the advantages and the disadvantages of continuing to date the person you are with. The good times should outweigh the bad times, not the other way around. But if the opposite appears to be the case, then you are in a bad relationship and might need to move on to someone else.

8. YOU DON’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF

In addition to feeling happy, if you are in a good relationship you’ll have a positive self-esteem. Sure, there will times of doubts and insecurities, but the time you spend with your partner is supposed to make you feel better about yourself, not worse. In contrast, if your partner exacerbates your self-doubts and undermines your confidence, then that’s a warning sign that this is not a good person for you to be in a relationship with.

9. SOCIAL ISOLATION

When your partner encourage you isolate yourself completely from your family and also from your friends, that can be another sign of that your relationship isn’t healthy. You need to maintain cordial relationship with your family and your friends even when you are in a relationship. You need other opinions in your life besides your partner's. So if you find that he expects you to just spend time with him, all of the time, without other social connections then be aware you are in an unhealthy relationship.

10. YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE NOT SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Not everyone is going to like your boyfriend or girlfriend as much as you do. But it should worry you if there's a general consensus among family and friends that your new love is entirely wrong for you. If the people you trust and are close to you feel that you’ve found a good catch and therefore encourage the relationship, that’s a good sign that you have found a good partner. But if your family or friends have strong reservations about your partner, I encourage you to ask for specific reasons. Find out the root of their feelings, and try to be objective. I don’t think your friends and family should choose your boyfriends or husbands based on our family and friends’ opinions, but you must evaluate their reasons for their objection. But if they are the people you trust the most and who know you best, and they are urging you to get out of your current relationship, then you owe it to yourself to give their advice a serious listen.

11. ALWAYS BLAMING

Another sign involves when your partner is constantly blaming you, or looking for ways to blame you for everything. You can’t be the cause of the entire problem you are encountering. Some of the blames should go to him also. It’s not always the case that a person is wrong because of some sort of character flaw or personal defect.

12. YOU FIND YOURSELF CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE

If you are dating one person but secretly wishing you were with somebody else, then there’s a problem. It could be that it’s an ex you’re still in love with. Or maybe it’s someone else in your life you wish you could be with. Regardless of who, if you are constantly wishing you were dating a different person, then that’s a sign you in a wrong relationship.

13. OMISSIONS OF TRUTH

You might find yourself lying about where you were or even where you've been, you probably don’t like how he will behave when you tell him the truth. The omission of truth is a red flag that you’re in an unhealthy relationship. While you don't necessarily need to tell your partner everything, you should be pretty open with him most times.

14. YOUR INSTINCTS ARE SAYING GET OUT

Is there a nagging voice inside you? If this is the case for you, then one of the worst things you can do is to ignore that voice. You find yourself wondering if you’re in the wrong relationship. That there’s someone better? The most important warning sign of love gone bad is your gut feeling. Give it free reign and let it direct you to the conclusion that will save you from later pain. It may sound painfully obvious, but your tendency to quiet those relationship doubts may end up being a huge regret later on. Relationships often take time to achieve their full potential. But you may determine that you are dating someone you should definitely not be dating. If so, then you need to be brave enough to do what you need to do, and end the relationship.

15. NO COMMUNICATION

Another sign involves no communication. Couples need to appropriate time on a regular basis to sit down and share some face-to-face fellowship when they can converse with each other without distractions. Clear communication keeps down confusion and many misunderstanding. You want to be able to share with your boyfriend and communication through problems.

16. ATTEMPTS TO CONTROL

We all appreciate being able to go to our partner to get advice but, if your partner always tries to advise or influence you to do his will, it can be an attempt to control you. . Does your partner run your schedule? Your partner controls who you see and what you do? A healthy relationship is about coming together on each other’s wants and needs. One should not control the other’s life. If you find that your partner is controlling your time with friends or family, your finances, clothing choices or how much makeup you wear, then you have lost control of your life.

17. KEEPING SECRETS

When you’re in a relationship, there should be no reason to keep secrets from your partner. If you feel that he’s not trustworthy or that he’ll use the information against you, this is definitely unhealthy. And if you can’t tell your family or friends about the things your boyfriend says and does, then you may not be in a healthy relationship. If you lie to protect him, then you’re with the wrong man.

18. LACK OF RESPECT

There is no room for pride in a healthy relationship. Forget having a good relationship if you are not willing to say, “Sorry, I was wrong.” A sure sign of an unhealthy relationship is having a lack of respect for one another.

19. IT’S ALL ABOUT SEX

Sex is an important part of a relationship but it’s not all of it. If you and your partner rarely communicate and the only time you’re close to one another is in bed, that’s unhealthy relationship. A relationship shouldn't be all about the sex, but it needs to be somewhat about the sex because if you and your partner aren’t compatible physically now, it’s going to cause problems and maybe even some cheating down the line if your sex life is seriously lacking. If you feel like this person has all the other qualities you desire in a mate, see a sex therapist.

20. UNHEALTHY JEALOUSY

Jealousy is just like a disease. It causes suspicion and vain imaginations that are not true. A little jealousy doesn’t hurt, but when your partner is envious of your job or doesn’t like the fact that you have lots of friends, it’s unhealthy. If you entertain jealousy as part of your relationship, you are playing with a dangerous spirit. The devil will exaggerate your concerns and hide implications in innocent circumstances. Don’t be jealous of each other. Your partner should be able to be happy for you and your accomplishments and not feel like he is in competition with you.

21. NO COMPROMISE

We can’t always have things go exactly the way we want so it’s important to compromise. If your partner isn’t able to make concessions, it’s going to make your life and relationship extremely difficult. Joyce Meyer wrote, “There is no greater way to show your love than to sacrifice something you want with a good attitude.” There are many opportunities every day to sacrifice for our spouse, but we often fail the test. It is obviously a struggle to believe it is more blessed to give than to receive. Instead most of us fight to get our own way because we haven’t learned how to give but giving contributes to the success of a relationship.

22. YOUR PARTNER WANTS YOU TO CHANGE

If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you as you are or you feel the need to change who you are to make your partner happy; you are in unhealthy relationship. This is one of the most important signs of bad relationships: a man who doesn’t love or accept you as you are. If you are constantly changing to make your partner happy, well, you aren’t going to be happy. Your boyfriend or husband should love you unconditionally, whether you’re rich or poor, healthy or sick, big or small. It's a definite problem when you find yourself molding your values, opinions and even your clothing style to suit your partner. Don’t always be the one adjusting.

23. UNFORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is the core ingredient to every successful relationship. Women seem more prone to carrying grudges and remembering offenses for days, and some even remain bitter for years. The Lord’s prayer calls us to pray for forgiveness and give it to others: Matthew 6:12 says, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.”

24. YOU LOVE BEING IN LOVE

Are you addicted to being in love just for the sack of being in love? There are some people who love the idea of being in a relationship so they stay in relationships even if they’re unhappy. If you’re only in it because of your desire to be in a relationship or you don’t want to be alone, you are in a wrong relationship.

CONCLUSION

Note these signs in wrong relationship. Just because you've been in an unhealthy relationship doesn't mean it can't get better as long as both of you are willing to work on it. Instead, be more proactive about your relationship concerns and address them with your partner or move on before you get hurt. Otherwise, find someone who treats you like you need to be treated and makes you happy. Someone who, when you are really honest with yourself, you know deserves to become that special person in your life. When you find that person, you won’t have to worry that you’re dating the wrong person.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 18 months ago

      I would probably say: # 6. YOU’RE NOT HAPPY is number one!

      Human beings make mistakes in all areas of life including choosing the "wrong mate" for themselves! Know yourself first and then choose wisely.

      It's been said time and time again that relationships require "hard work". However I believe it's finding the "right mate" that is the real hard work!

      If two people don't want the same things of course it's going to be hard work. They're either going to always be trying to "change one another" or attempt to (stop being true to themselves) in order to make it "work".

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on.

      Ultimately it's not about him or her.

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If we're unhappy maybe it's time we re-examine our "mate selection" criteria.

      The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      One man's opinion!:)

    • Chuksm profile image
      Author

      Anthony Modungwo 18 months ago from Benin

      dashingscorpio thanks for your comment. I quite agree with you. Once goals are divergent successful marriage will be very difficult. However, the signs above are not in order of importance or relevance.

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