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25 Reasons Why I Simply Could Not Be Happy Living Alone

Updated on December 8, 2014
I am lost when it comes to cooking.
I am lost when it comes to cooking.

Note: this piece is lovingly-dedicated to my friend, Catherine Giordano, whose own hub, “25 Reasons Why I Like Living Alone,” gave me the inspiration to write this somewhat comical-response. Thank you, Catherine. Kenneth.

Remember the term, “Macho Man,” that was very hot in the 70’s? I do. This phrase even served to give the “Village People,” an iconic-group of that era, a hit song by the same name. But thanks to that powerful-magic called “curiosity,” some guys took the term way too-literal and commenced to spewing to their girlfriends and wives, “Hey, gal. I run this home. Get used to it.” If this male attitude wasn’t asinine enough, these same men started entering tough, grueling “Ironman Triathlons,” that are true tests of men’s physical and mental endurance just so if they win (by some miracle), women will lust after them and men will be envious of them.

I can make a bed, but when the sheets need changing, I am a nervous wreck
I can make a bed, but when the sheets need changing, I am a nervous wreck
Mystery: it takes ONE woman to change sheets on a bed, but look at the number of Army men it takes to do the same job
Mystery: it takes ONE woman to change sheets on a bed, but look at the number of Army men it takes to do the same job

THE INSANITY OF MACHO MEN

Besides the “Ironman Triathlons,” that “the” men who were too out-of-shape and not wise enough to leave these events to the young men, started flocking to male-based films starring Chuck Norris, Howie Long and other Kung Fu experts and ex-professional athletes, to secure their identification with “real” men. The macho men who rewrote the meaning of the word; “confidence.” Men who are adored and admired by males and females alike.

I tried being “macho,” and failed as miserably as if I had chosen to swim from Miami to France. In the sad, dark, and depressing months afterward, I learned that I am not “just” a mortal man, but a less-than-average man. It’s the truth and I am not hurt to tell you this flaw about myself. And as for living alone, here are my

25 Reasons Why I Simply Cannot Be Happy Living Alone

I am terrified of the dark
I am terrified of the dark
I know nothing about writing checks for our bills
I know nothing about writing checks for our bills
I cannot dispense my own medicines
I cannot dispense my own medicines
Who would listen when I play guitar?
Who would listen when I play guitar?
My wife does not trust me with a lot of cash. She thinks I will sink it in some old car
My wife does not trust me with a lot of cash. She thinks I will sink it in some old car
Going out in public alone is one of my phobias
Going out in public alone is one of my phobias
I would not have any grandkids to play with
I would not have any grandkids to play with

1.) I do not know how to organize, balance our checkbooks, and pay our bills.
2.) I can barely cook to keep myself from starvation. (cooking canned goods not counted.)
3.) I hate being by myself alone at night with all of the crime going on in our town.
4.) I cannot change the sheets on our bed, but I can make-up the bed. (which does not count.)
5.) I cannot be trusted with cash. My wife fears that I might trade for an antique vehicle.
6.) When I clean house, I leave more of a mess than I clean to begin with.
7.) I do not know how to correctly dispense my day and nighttime medications.
8.) I would miss my wife when it came to sharing things on my laptop with her.
9.) I would miss singing-along with a song we both like.
10.) I would miss sitting outside underneath our shade trees with her.
11.) My wife hides things so "she" will know where they are, but if I have to find them, I fail "right out of the chute."
12.) Breakfast is my favorite meal. And yes, my wife cooks our breakfast from scratch. I would have to live on Pop-Tarts.
13.) We watch Headline News with Robin Meade, but me by myself? I would watch SportsCenter on ESPN.
14.) Getting birthday cards and gifts for our grandkids is my wife's job. I would be lost if I had to do this job.
15.) My wife bakes cakes for church activities, so if I were alone, I would have to take a store-bought cake.
16.) My wife helps with conversations with certain people who visit. If I were to face this, I would not answer my door.
17.) Telling my wife corny jokes and one-liners is fun for me, but if I am alone, that would have to stop.
18.) I depend on my wife for a lot of things and I have told her this many times. Me? Happy living alone? Not on your life.
19.) I am not one to call friends seven days a week, for they have lives. So that leaves me talking to myself.
20.) When I do a project for my wife, I want her to be proud, but if I were alone, who would tell me, "Nice work?"
21.) Living by myself would force me to be extra-busy to fight the lonliness. I hate being more busy than I am now.
22.) I cannot visit my neighbors that much, otherwise they would get bored with my company.
23.) My name, Kenneth, is not a hermit name. If I were (a) "Quence," "Digger," or "Scruffy," then I would feel as if I were a hermit.
24.) I hate to shop alone--for groceries, clothing, shoes and someone's birthday presents.
25.) I would grow weary of people asking, "Why don't you find yourself a good woman and get married?"

I think I've proven my point.

Note: Caterine, I know that this piece is not as hilarious as yours, but I feel good at knowing that I gave it my all.

Would YOU love the idea of living alone?

See results

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      NOTICE: I AM HAVING TO USE ONE BOX TO REPLY TO YOU ALL. MY LAPTOP IS DYING AND FOR ME TO WORK, REFRESHING EACH PAGE IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO. SORRY.

      Ibidii,

      Thank you so much for your uplifting remarks. I wish you the best in your new apartment.

      Au fait,

      To each their own, but I am a dependent person. I cannot stand to be alolne for more than four days and nights. Then I get depressed. I confess. I want someone or a cat in my home. Thank you for your comment.

      Hi, vkwok,

      Thank you, DEAR friend of mine, for your nice comment.

      dragonflycolor,

      Thank YOU for your comment, your nice photo, and I detect, your sensitive spirit. I have the BEST followers on HP.

      TheNatureBoy,

      Nicely-written comment. I agree with your reasons why you like being alone. I respect that in a good friend. YOU.

      Come back often and have a safe day.

      I LOVE AND RESPECT YOU ALL.

    • profile image

      Ibidii 

      3 years ago

      I will be living alone again when I get my new apartment. I am now with my daughter and her BF and the three cats. I was alone for 5 years last time after I divorced. I had been alone without a husband but I had the kids with me when they were young. There are some things that are just hard to endure when you are alone. My daughter will still come over and help me a lot like she does now. Your story is very funny! I may have read Catherine's story. Keep up the funny stuff! It makes my day! ~Sherry

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 

      3 years ago from North Texas

      It seems like most of the people who took your poll think living alone would be great. I have lived alone for almost 10 years now and it has a lot of advantages. I can't say it's ideal, but neither is living with someone ideal. There are both advantages and disadvantages either living alone or not living alone. Living alone, I have a lot more time to do things that interest me because I'm not constantly having to clean up after somebody else. ;)

      Merry Christmas Kenneth, and the same to your family!

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 

      3 years ago from Hawaii

      Another interesting hub, Kenneth.

    • The0NatureBoy profile image

      Elijah A Alexander Jr 

      3 years ago from Washington DC

      I have no reason to want to not lvd alone. Since I'v lived a single person's nomad life for over 35 years I find it refreshing to have most of my time with myself. Looking at myself like since becoming the nomad I've discovered …

      1) I have no one to answer to except mown higher consciousness.

      2) I don't have to do compromising thing most of the time, I do what I want to so long as it doesn't harm any earth's multitude of living entities.

      3) If I don't want to I don't have to apologize for not bathing several times a day.

      4) I don't have to concerning myself with how others think of me.

      … and on and on I can go with I dont' have any idea just how many reasons I can come up with, 25 + I would imagine.

    • profile image

      dragonflycolor 

      3 years ago

      I agree with most of those reasons! LOL.

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