- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
25 Ways to be a Good Wife to Your Husband
Tips on How to be a Good Wife
Every man wants a good wife. What does this mean, exactly? What are the makings of a good wife? Being a good wife is not easy, even if you have a near-perfect husband. Most of these qualities are already present in a woman, while the rest can be learned or developed. Do you want a good husband who will love and cherish you? Then treat him exactly the way you want him to treat you. If you want your husband to treat you like a queen, you should treat him like a king. What you give is what you get in return as far as human behavior is concerned. So if you are a good wife to your husband and treat him right, he will cherish, love, and nurture you in return. Once you decide to marry, your life, lifestyle, way of living changes forever to incorporate that person in your life. With so many marriages breaking around the globe, it is high time we should now consider some necessities for successful marriage. The wife truly is the soul of any marriage and without her, the household turns into mess. Of course, personalities vary in a wide range but there are some basic rules that apply to every woman, irrespective of every other factor.
Treat Him With Respect.
If you expect respect from others, you need to treat your husband in return with respect too. A good wife understands that respect is a powerful tool in her hands. Respect can be reflected in the way you talk and behave. Try to be warm, kind, positive, understanding, and friendly. Actively work to be pleasant toward your husband. Always speak in a loving way and refrain from speaking in a harsh manner. A good wife respects her hubby. Do not belittle your man or hurt his ego, because there’s no quicker way to build resentment in your man than to criticize him or belittle him, especially in front of others. Don’t be that person who lashes out at others because you had a bad day. If you don’t agree with him, respectfully let him know you don’t agree with a healthy conversation.
Help to Actualize Your Dreams.
Never lose sight of the dreams that you share. Sharing hopes and intentions is an effective way of getting them realized. When two people care together about something, they can join efforts in seeing it realized. This requires effort and discipline. It is the choice to expend energy in an effort to benefit the other person, knowing that if his/ her life is enriched by your effort, you too will find a sense of satisfaction –the satisfaction of genuinely sharing your dreams. Whether your dreams include taking a vacation abroad for your silver anniversary of your marriage, embrace your dreams, talk about them and take steps to actualize them. If you and your husband's dreams don't intersect, then you'll be creating a rift that might destroy the marriage. It’s healthy to have your own dreams along with your husband's, but you should make sure that none of your dreams are completely in conflict.
Is It Worth The Fight?
Which marriage does not have fights? In fact, every relationship has fights. But one very important thing is to choose. To choose between fights which are necessary and which are not? Not every argument is worth a fight. These fights do no good for your marriage and only pisses off your husband. Marriage, like all relationship, involves give and take. It’s not all about what you like, what you want, what you need. Sometimes the best thing to do in a situation is to overlook your hurt, swallow your pride, and set aside your own needs and desires. So the next time you get angry, think twice. The reason for your anger, is it really necessary? If you don't like how your partner treats you, take a minute to observe how you treat your partner and try correct your behavior.
Communication is the key to a happy and solid marriage. However, not everyone knows how to communicate properly, or even communicate at all. Discuss the bad, instead of sweeping them under the rug. Express your feelings and needs effectively. Be honest. If you want something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. If you let things bottle up and feel that you cannot share with your husband, then your marriage is in trouble. No matter how awkward or uncomfortable it feels, it will make for a lasting and fulfilling relationship. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, choose the right time. Don't greet him with complaints and problems the moment he comes back from work. Be a good listener. If you want to be able to express how you feel, you should be able to speak with a positive tone and to listen to what your husband says instead of being accusatory. Avoid passing judgment. Let him finish what he's saying before you respond. Good communication also helps to build trust and strengthen your relationship.
A husband expects his wife’s support and understanding, especially during challenging times. Karol Ladd wrote, “Through the early years of financial struggles and job changes, the Ziglars moved many times. This would be enough to exasperate most wives, but not Redhead (as the husband called his wife). She continued to love, honor, and respect Zig through the lean years. In his book Zig mentions many times how blessed he was to have a wife who always supported and believed in him.” Support your husband in all stages of his career and life. You can then expect him to behave in return in the same manner and also respect you more for your support and thoughtfulness. A good wife loves her hubby for his successes and failures, and provides reassurance when he's feeling down. Be proud of him on his accomplishments and genuinely compliment him.
Be Your Husband's Best Friend.
The best kind of marriage is the one where the couple is best friends and shares every secret from the past and every plans of the future. Develop true intimacy and unconditional acceptance. You should be the first person he goes to when he needs a good laugh or a good cry. It requires a lot of maturity and instead of getting angry at some secret your husband shares, be thankful and feel proud that he didn’t hide it from you. This is how a very healthy friendship develops between you two, and once you are best friends with your husband that marriage is going to be successful. Though you should maintain other meaningful friendships so your life is full of love and laughter, at the end of the day, your husband should be the person that you turn to.
Do Not Nag.
Nagging is one thing men absolutely hate. Some issues are worth fighting about, and some aren't. If you spend all of your time nitpicking your husband about minor problems that don't really matter, then he's not going to listen to you when major issues come up. No man likes a nagging wife. Criticism can destroy a relationship. Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it constructively. Ask him nicely, calmly and rationally. Don't let anger take over because it may cause you to say things that you will regret later. Many wives think that nagging is the only way to get her husband to do things. The truth is that your nagging can create an unwanted rift, or can make things worse between the two of you. Your husband is a grown man with his own thoughts and desires. Just because you think he should be doing something particular doesn't mean he has to do it. Talk to him at the right time. If you have to discuss some issues with your husband, don't just spring your problems on him immediately after he comes home from work or when he is at work. Avoid bringing up problems before dinner, while he's paying bills or when he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a problem with your car. And never, ever start an argument in front of your children.
Never Talk Negative Things About Your Husband to Friends and Relations
Talking about your husband negatively behind his back is disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to your partner, not to your birth family or your social group. Complaining about your husband to your friends and family will not solve any of your marital problems, but it will worsen them. They may give you advice that will destroy the marriage. Your friends and family may think they know what's best for you, but they don't know your relationship as well as you do and may unintentionally give you bad advice.
Don't Try to Change Your Husband.
Accept him as he is and let him know that you would never want him to change from being himself. There is a saying that the bread that is dry can’t be reshaped. He has so much to offer you if only you give him the space to be himself. Even when you don't agree with your husband, you need to respect his opinion and his viewpoint. He is a growing individual, just like you are. You can ask him to improve in different areas, but you can't force him to like all of the same things you do. Love him for who he is and he'll love you unconditionally in return. To be a good wife, you need to understand that you may never agree on certain issues because no couple has an identical set of morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't resolve your opinions.
Maintain Your Own Identity.
Make sure you still have a fun and interesting life. Continue to pursue the hobbies or interests that were meaningful to you before the relationship. You should make time for some friends that are really meaningful to you. If your husband thinks that he's the only good thing happening in your life, then he's bound to feel trapped. When you're fulfilled as an individual, then you have a lot more to bring to the relationship. You will be a much better companion if you can draw from your own interests, experiences, and insights.
Be a Good Companion
Your marriage can grow so much richer and deeper if you’ll choose to experience companionship in a loving and vibrant way. Karol Ladd wrote, “Generally speaking, women tend to deepen relationships by talking together with their companions. Men, on the other hand, bond by doing things together.” Companionship develops as you find activities that you have fun doing together. Sports can be a great way to develop companionship.
Compromise means not insisting on your own terms all the time. you have to shift grounds once in a while. If he needs more sex, then open your mind to the possibilities. If he needs time with friends or time to pursue a hobby, then don't be possessive. He'll be happier, and he'll be grateful to you for your understanding. You should meet his needs, or at least some of them. Sometimes, you might to give up your desires, wants and your pride for mutual benefit.
Make him a Better Man
You can always be a positive influence in his life and his bad habits will automatically change. If your husband feels loved, he feels secured and the whole world looks bright and he will move out to reach his highest potential in life. Be the reason your husband would want to change himself, be an optimistic and responsible man.
Give Him His Space.
As a wife, it's important to understand that your husband has a life that's more than you. He has a family, friends, and colleagues who are also part of his life. If he's missing his time out with the boys, let him have a boy's night and have a girl's night of your own. He also may have hobbies, if he wants time to pursue his hobbies, let him take the time and this will benefit your relationship. Don’t expect his undivided attention at all times. Don’t stop him if he wants to go out and hang out with his friends sometimes or engage in a hobby or sport that he likes. An interfering wife can sometimes be very irritating.
Make Time for Romance
Just because you are married now and have bigger responsibilities, does not mean you will lose out the spark and the romance. Married adults long to feel affection and love from their spouses. No matter how busy you are, how stressful your job is, or how many kids you have, you need to make time to spend a romantic evening with your husband. Your husband will feel secure when he is assured that you accept him, want him, and is committed to his well-being. Though it may sound corny, dressing up and going somewhere nice and special can renew your romantic connection and give you a breath of fresh air away from your home. On days when you feel the weather is just great, go out on a romantic date, lunch or movie or dinner as you used to go out earlier. Your husband will thank you for the awesome date and for recreating the romantic feeling.
Keep Him Happy in Bed.
Sexual intimacy is one of the most essential things in any marriage. Lovemaking gives an intimacy and physical release that is vital for both of you. If he wants more sex, then consider having more sex with him. In most relationships, each partner has different needs and expectations regarding the frequency of physical intimacy. When you please your man, he will be obliged to please you in return. Please your man in bed because without the frequent intimate acceptance and love that comes from your lovemaking, he can become dissatisfied, grumpy, and ultimately suffer from feelings of rejection and even anger, which may cause him to go where he can get it elsewhere. When you do make love, don't go straight to sex. Kiss passionately. Make sure that kissing is an integral part of your love making. It's great foreplay. Make your bedroom a sanctuary for sex. Ban television sets, laptops and work-related materials. Your bedroom should be dedicated to sleep and sex. Couples who satisfy the sexual need of their lover tend to be happier in their relationship.
Plan Surprises For Him
Why should only husbands plan surprises for their wives? Men like surprises too. It can be anything, from organizing his birthday party without him knowing about it. You may not have to wait for some special day; you can plan a special night of passion by playing a seductress. Even men like to feel pampered once in a while. Plan a beautiful surprise, romantic or adventurous and woo him all over again. Your surprises do not have to be elaborate and can be as simple as making him his favorite dishes once in a while, even if you would rather eat something else.
Express Your Love And Appreciation Often
Often we forget to let our spouse know that we appreciate them. This could be done by words, cards, flowers, acts of kindness, or more. You need to learn how to say, "I love you" too. Also, try to join him in activities that he's interested in, even if you prefer to do something else. Make your relationship a priority. It is important you know the love language your husband understands. Gary Chapman created the notion that men and women have five love languages: Words of affirmation, Receiving gifts, Quality time, Act of service, and Physical touch. Give him a thoughtful gift once in a while. Make it a point never to forget the special days in his life. Pamper him often, especially when he is home. You can cook for him or give him a massage. These gestures won’t go unnoticed, and it may even inspire him to do something nice for you. Let him miss you and think about you when you are not around. Don't withhold affection.
Show Contentment to Your Marriage
A good wife is honest, loyal, and dedicated to her husband. Be committed to your partner and your husband will thank the Almighty for gifting him such a mature and understanding wife. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and the vows you have taken at the time of marriage should be kept up at all times. Those who commit themselves to marriage understand that what they are doing is a partnership for life. Listen to him talk about his day, especially if it was a difficult one. Your husband’s state of mind depends on you to a great extent.
Keep Up Your Health and Appearance.
Welcome your husband by keeping a pleasant tone in her voice, a happy smile on your face, and a neat and clean appearance. Some women after wedding, no longer take care of their look. They overfeed and add so much weight that they look shapeless. Take special care of your appearance, not just for him but for yourself. Include exercises or yoga in your daily routine to stay healthy. Be hygienic. A man also likes his wife to smell good. If you are unhealthy or not presentable, your man may start looking elsewhere.
Accept Changes When They Come
There is no condition that is permanent is a common saying. You may experience crises together, from the loss of a job to loss of money in financial downturn. You may suffer financial hardship, or you may find yourselves unexpectedly wealthy and unsure of what to do. Your marriage can survive the changes if you're willing to keep communicating and being flexible. Whatever the changes that happen, you and your husband should dealing with them as a team, not as people on the opposite side of a battle. Dealing with the changes together makes them much lighter and manageable. Accept the changes in your love life. Though you and your husband may still be passionately in love, don't get disappointed if he doesn't want to make love every night or to kiss you twenty times a day like he did when you were newlyweds. You and your husband's relationship will undoubtedly change and evolve once you start having kids. This doesn't mean it'll change for the worse, but it will mean that you will be spending a lot of your free time focusing on your kids instead of each other. Accept that this will change your relationship and work to make it thrive in new ways. You can still keep your love strong without wanting it to be exactly the same as it was when you first got married. Accept the inevitable changes with your bodies as you age. Though you may work hard to stay fit and eat healthy, wrinkles will appear at certain stage.
Cooking and Cleaning
Maintain a clean house all the time. Clear away the clutter and spend time decorating the house. Make efforts in cooking meals that your husband loves. If you are working, you may want to hire a maid to take care of the household chores of cooking, cleaning, and so forth. But let that not deter you from cooking scrumptious meals. When you are free, it will be better if you do the cooking. He will see the amount of effort you are giving and you will live happily ever after. You are free on weekends. Instead of eating out on weekends, stay home and cook for your husband or with your husband. It’s always much more fun when you cook with your partner. The habit of cooking together creates intimacy, connection and love; making and eating food becomes an intimate act when you are with your partner. Cooking and eating with my husband is a perfect opportunity to spend quality time together.
Have Realistic Expectations
Have realistic expectations because unmet expectations tend to frustrate everyone. For example, the perfect husband, the perfect in-laws, perfect house on a beach, matching curtains etc. It is unfair to expect to have your husband home for every meal. Remember that no relationship is perfect. If your expectations are truly too high or unrealistic, then you need to set standards that are obtainable. Have realistic financial expectations, too. Embrace the beauty of the reality, whatever it has to offer. Work on appreciating what you do have instead of expecting more. This is the primary rule of a perfect marriage. When you come to terms with reality and accept the fact that the house, your husband, your in-laws are way different from what you had imagined, that’s when you will have a perfect marriage.
Accept Your Mistakes.
If you want to be a good wife, then you have to be able to accept your husband's mistakes and to sincerely respect his apologies for doing something wrong. Joyce Meyer wrote, “There are good role models, but we have to search for them: people with loving, stable relationships, who have been willing to be patient and work through their difficulties, who realize the grass is not always greener on the other side as we are often tempted to believe it is.” Don’t give him the silent treatment. If you hold a grudge too long, you won't be able to appreciate the good things about your husband, so it's best to accept his apologies, talk about how he won't upset you againt. Accept your own mistakes, too. Admitting when you're wrong will help both of you grow as a couple. Don't be so focused on being the perfect wife that you can't admit when you're wrong.
Work Together to Manage Stress
Men and women deal with stress every day. Sometimes we get caught up in stressful situations, it could that we hate our jobs or loss of a r relation. Do what you can to help him deal with the stress of everyday life. Making sure that you are able to cope with your own stresses will take pressure off of your marriage. If your husband is stressed out while you don't understand and you refuse to understand, then you'll have a problem. Help your husband manage his stress by talking about it and treating him with extra care when he's had a rough day instead of making him feel worse by being angry that he's tired or withdrawn. When you're stressed, let your husband know how you feel so he can take over the domestic chores and help you out.
I am sure any man would be happy to get a good wife with all the above-listed qualities, although it will be very impossible for a woman to possess all these virtues but having a good number of them will make you a good wife. For any relationship to grow strong and stay strong, you need to put in some work.