- Gender and Relationships
Signs of Infidelity
Is Your Partner Cheating?
You suspect that your partner is having an affair but you can't find the proof or pin-point it to one particular incident. Things aren't adding up lately, something is just "off". There are many tell-tale signs of infidelity. This is not the time to bury your head in the sand or to dismiss your relationship problems up to it just being the "ebb and flow" of a relationship. Below is a list of the most common signs of infidelity but the most reliable one is your intuition- trust it!
1. "I love you but I'm not in love with you." If your partner has used this line recently, you better start paying attention to what's going on.
2. Cheaters spend more time away from home. All of the sudden they work later hours, have more meetings, boys/girls nights become more common. They jump at the chance to run to the store or go on an errand. Cheaters need free time to see or call their affair partners so this would only make sense.
3. Phone habits change. The cheater doesn't always answer their phone, or they leave the room to answer it, they turn off the ringer and turn off their phones more often. They are more difficult to reach and your calls are often directed to voicemail. Their phones become attached to their hips day and night and all of a sudden it's not okay for you to have access to their phones. Also, you may notice calls at strange hours and more frequent hang ups on your home phone. Most cheaters use cell phones as it's easier to hide bills and manage privacy (a good excuse for you to not have access to their phone is because "it's a work phone.") Often their cell phone bills are paid for by their employer and you never get to see the statement.
4. Cheaters start keeping odd hours. They make excuses to leave earlier in the morning (gym, early meetings etc) and they come home later or stay up later, they are often found on their computers late into the night. You may notice they quickly close the page they are viewing when you walk into the room.
5. Cheaters often delete the computer history each time they end an online session, they also start using more free accounts such as skype, gmail, yahoo, hotmail, facebook, etc... Of course, these pages are never left opened and they are very careful to not share their passwords.
6. You may notice a change in your sex life. They may be uninterested in sex or they may have a higher sex drive then usual. You may also notice new or unusual sexual requests.
7. A cheating partner is unusually defensive, argumentative or starts ignoring you or finding fault in everything you do.
8. It is not unusual for a cheating spouse to start carrying cash instead of using debit or credit cards that track purchases on monthly statements.
9. Cheating spouses are more careful with their laundry, they may want to do it themselves or take it to a dry cleaner or cleaning service.
10. Cheating spouses often remove items from their vehicles that suggest they have a family ex: car seats, baby items etc. You may also notice an increase in car mileage.
11. Cheating spouses tend to travel more often and they may start requesting to travel and attend functions alone. All of a sudden work events are staff only.
12. You may notice unusual receipts or even a lack of any paper trail when there were usually many to be found.
13. Cheating spouses tend to have more interest in grooming. They may change their clothing and hair styles, start a work out program, change diet, go to the tanning salon, but new cologne or perfumes.
14. You may notice your partner also has a change in interests, new activities, new music or hobbies etc.
15. A cheating partner is all of a sudden interested in your schedule. They want to know where you are throughout the day and what your plans are.
16. A cheating spouse is frequently too tired to participate in the things you once enjoyed together.
17. They tend to lose interest in family activities, spending time with the children, family outings, chores. They often seem lost in their thoughts.
18. Cheating partners flip flop in their behavior and emotions, they may be overly nice (guilt) or they may snap and find fault for no apparent reason.
19. They may start showering you with more gifts and be more affectionate after time spent away.
20. Cheaters start pointless arguments as a means to storm out of the house to go see or call their affair partners.
21. Cheaters sometime suggest "a break" or a "trial separation" to find themselves or figure things out.
22. Cheating spouses may move out for no apparent reasons, or for reasons that seem unwarranted for such action ex: a small argument.
23. Cheating spouses sometimes will test the waters, suggest divorce to test your reaction.
24. It is not unusual for them to start accusing you of the very things they are doing... an affair, lying etc.
25. It is not uncommon to hear " a mid-life crisis" is the reason they have been acting so aloof or secretive. They can make up just about any excuse to explain away their behavior.
26. "We're just friends" If you hear this in reference to someone your partner has been spending time with you need to pay attention. If they were just friends why is it that you are never invited along when they spend time together or that the person will not call your home and ask to speak to your partner.
These are just some of the most common signs a cheating partner exhibits. My best advice is to listen to and trust your intuition. You know your partner better then anyone else and if something isn't adding up or just doesn't feel right, chances are there is more to what's going on with them. At this point it's important that you lay off, observe and give time to gather more evidence without putting them on the defensive, or causing them to go further under ground to hide their affair.