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Signs of Infidelity

Updated on August 28, 2015

Is Your Partner Cheating?

You suspect that your partner is having an affair but you can't find the proof or pin-point it to one particular incident. Things aren't adding up lately, something is just "off". There are many tell-tale signs of infidelity. This is not the time to bury your head in the sand or to dismiss your relationship problems up to it just being the "ebb and flow" of a relationship. Below is a list of the most common signs of infidelity but the most reliable one is your intuition- trust it!

1. "I love you but I'm not in love with you." If your partner has used this line recently, you better start paying attention to what's going on.

2. Cheaters spend more time away from home. All of the sudden they work later hours, have more meetings, boys/girls nights become more common. They jump at the chance to run to the store or go on an errand. Cheaters need free time to see or call their affair partners so this would only make sense.

3. Phone habits change. The cheater doesn't always answer their phone, or they leave the room to answer it, they turn off the ringer and turn off their phones more often. They are more difficult to reach and your calls are often directed to voicemail. Their phones become attached to their hips day and night and all of a sudden it's not okay for you to have access to their phones. Also, you may notice calls at strange hours and more frequent hang ups on your home phone. Most cheaters use cell phones as it's easier to hide bills and manage privacy (a good excuse for you to not have access to their phone is because "it's a work phone.") Often their cell phone bills are paid for by their employer and you never get to see the statement.

4. Cheaters start keeping odd hours. They make excuses to leave earlier in the morning (gym, early meetings etc) and they come home later or stay up later, they are often found on their computers late into the night. You may notice they quickly close the page they are viewing when you walk into the room.

5. Cheaters often delete the computer history each time they end an online session, they also start using more free accounts such as skype, gmail, yahoo, hotmail, facebook, etc... Of course, these pages are never left opened and they are very careful to not share their passwords.

6. You may notice a change in your sex life. They may be uninterested in sex or they may have a higher sex drive then usual. You may also notice new or unusual sexual requests.

7. A cheating partner is unusually defensive, argumentative or starts ignoring you or finding fault in everything you do.

8. It is not unusual for a cheating spouse to start carrying cash instead of using debit or credit cards that track purchases on monthly statements.

9. Cheating spouses are more careful with their laundry, they may want to do it themselves or take it to a dry cleaner or cleaning service.

10. Cheating spouses often remove items from their vehicles that suggest they have a family ex: car seats, baby items etc. You may also notice an increase in car mileage.

11. Cheating spouses tend to travel more often and they may start requesting to travel and attend functions alone. All of a sudden work events are staff only.

12. You may notice unusual receipts or even a lack of any paper trail when there were usually many to be found.

13. Cheating spouses tend to have more interest in grooming. They may change their clothing and hair styles, start a work out program, change diet, go to the tanning salon, but new cologne or perfumes.

14. You may notice your partner also has a change in interests, new activities, new music or hobbies etc.

15. A cheating partner is all of a sudden interested in your schedule. They want to know where you are throughout the day and what your plans are.

16. A cheating spouse is frequently too tired to participate in the things you once enjoyed together.

17. They tend to lose interest in family activities, spending time with the children, family outings, chores. They often seem lost in their thoughts.

18. Cheating partners flip flop in their behavior and emotions, they may be overly nice (guilt) or they may snap and find fault for no apparent reason.

19. They may start showering you with more gifts and be more affectionate after time spent away.

20. Cheaters start pointless arguments as a means to storm out of the house to go see or call their affair partners.

21. Cheaters sometime suggest "a break" or a "trial separation" to find themselves or figure things out.

22. Cheating spouses may move out for no apparent reasons, or for reasons that seem unwarranted for such action ex: a small argument.

23. Cheating spouses sometimes will test the waters, suggest divorce to test your reaction.

24. It is not unusual for them to start accusing you of the very things they are doing... an affair, lying etc.

25. It is not uncommon to hear " a mid-life crisis" is the reason they have been acting so aloof or secretive. They can make up just about any excuse to explain away their behavior.

26. "We're just friends" If you hear this in reference to someone your partner has been spending time with you need to pay attention. If they were just friends why is it that you are never invited along when they spend time together or that the person will not call your home and ask to speak to your partner.

These are just some of the most common signs a cheating partner exhibits. My best advice is to listen to and trust your intuition. You know your partner better then anyone else and if something isn't adding up or just doesn't feel right, chances are there is more to what's going on with them. At this point it's important that you lay off, observe and give time to gather more evidence without putting them on the defensive, or causing them to go further under ground to hide their affair.


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    • profile image

      Farai 5 years ago

      Omg my fellow told me he needs a week to think through things..

      (I've not caught him red handed yet but i have a gut feeling as well as the fact I heard him say I love you on the phone which he refuses to show me)

      He told me he loves me and wants to spend his whole life with me when I threatened to leave he cried which he's never done.

      He also tries to sometimes argue and then accuse me of things like being selfish because his mum asked me if I was ok and I said yes but then cried (I didn't mention anything to her)

      It's like these are NOT normal arguments he starts them out of nowhere and then escalates them and I am always the bad guy at the end. I love him but I can't take this, I just would like to catch him out though!

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 5 years ago from Canada

      So telling him isn't an option for you?

    • profile image

      yaya 5 years ago

      i have cheated my boyfriend and just cant face him anymore, and am trying that he doesn't know anything and ya, by reading this article, i have realised that i have made many mistakes, that he can surely doubt me...

      i don't want to lose him, please advice, what can i do, to don't feel the guilt??

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      Very sad, by the time they realize their mistakes, it's often too late for repair.

    • VeronicaFarkas profile image

      Veronica Roberts 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      "Years of building often crumbled in a matter of a few minutes." is a brutally honest way of putting it, and so true. It is sad that people so easily & quickly give up so much. =/

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      I agree, that's how my ex got away with it for so long...I thought his affair partner was someone who was just trying to cause trouble, she was so bold and "in my face". Sometimes it really is the case, people act that way and they are not cheating. They were, unfortunately.

      It definately is worth investigating, I could have done more to catch him but his other behaviours had me feeling like I was the crazy one, it was all so bizarre.

      Looking back I experienced 1-26, however this was over a 5 year period. I really hope people take advantage of these tips as well. I feel so bad for people who are betrayed by their partners, it's such a horrible thing to go through. Years of building often crumbled in a matter of a few minutes.

    • VeronicaFarkas profile image

      Veronica Roberts 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      One I thought of while reading this, from personal experience, is past lovers/exes that have talked about my current beau cheating on them... It's not always the case, as they may just want him/her back, or to ruin the current relationship, but if it comes with details or I start noticing warning signs they'd disclosed, it just may be worth investigating.

      Just wanted to add that one. I have experienced a few of these. Definitely 3, 5, 7, 15, 24, & 26.

      I appreciate this hub as well, and hope that it helps someone before it's too late (as it was for most of us). =/

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      I hear you. I would be surprised if someone else was ever able to pull the wool over my eyes. They can be sneaky and manipulative. I hope you have better luck the next time around.

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 6 years ago from Reno, Nevada


      This would have been handy in the closing days of my marriage...yeah...she hit a number of the 26! Well...I will be ready for the next one but won't be necessary!



    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      Thank you TToombs08! I'm more the wiser as well. I honestly can't say that I would change a thing- If that life experience was the only path that would have gotten me to where I am today then it was a road well travelled. More good than bad came out of it :). I just hope that I can help others cut a few unnecessary corners by sharing what I have learned.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 6 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      ouch...I totally lived this hub. I'm more the wiser, tho. Hopefully, you will open other's eyes if they are living this. Great hub, cheatlierepeat. Sorry you had to go through it. :( Voting up.

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      In hindsight, it boggles my mind that he was able to fool me to such a degree. Seriously, loving someone must cloud our judgement because if he wasn't "my husband" I would have pegged him a cheater months before I actually did. The signs were all around me (shaking my head). So glad he's no longer my problem.

    • onegoodwoman profile image

      onegoodwoman 6 years ago from A small southern town

      number 22.........

      Moving out.............yeah, that would get my attention!

      In over 30 years, my hubby have parted due to his job or mine, but never due to anger.........

      I do hope everyone has a clue long before this action!

    • cheatlierepeat profile image

      cheatlierepeat 6 years ago from Canada

      Thank you! I certainly hope it is useful for someone suspecting their partner. I wish there were a lot less people in the world who needed to use this advice but I am thankful I can pass it on. I learned it all the hard way. I appreciate your feedback.

    • TransferOnTheSpot profile image

      TransferOnTheSpot 6 years ago

      Very interesting hub. This would help a lot of people if they are questioning their partners.