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9 Smart Things You Can Do To Make Your Marriage Succeed
You Can Make Your Marriage Succeed If You Want To
Many marriages are going through troubling times nowadays. But if you are determined and you do the right things, your marriage can succeed. There are ways you can go about things to make your marriage succeed. Below, I outline six tips you can apply to your marriage to make it succeed so that you can have a successful marriage life.
How To Make Your Marriage Succeed
Try To Please Your Partner
To have marriage success, it is very important that you try to please your spouse. Do not say to yourself: “I will do what pleases me” or “I will do what I want.” That is sure to lead to a collapse of the marriage. A husband says, “I am going for hunting and I don’t care what you say.” A wife says, “I am going for shopping and I will spend as much money as I want.” Or is your attitude one that says, “If we cannot agree, we will each go our own way?” That kind of relationship does not make for a happy marriage bond.
One important thing you must know about marriage is that you cannot have all your needs and wants fulfilled. What you should be saying to yourself is, “How much love can I express so that I can meet the needs of my spouse? What can I give to make him or her happy?” When you always want your needs to be met before you try to meet the needs of your spouse, you are showing immaturity. But marriage is for mature people.
Do you ever do things just to hurt your spouse? Do you taunt or tease your partner when you know he or she does not like it? There are many marriages in which one partner wants to get even with his or her spouse. “If you treat me this way, I will most definitely get back at you this way.” The husband is one hour late for supper and so his wife makes him wait an hour for supper the next night. Or the wife cannot allow her husband to make love to her and so he refuses to eat her food. These kinds of actions will not help you to live a happy married life.
Instead of living on the “I will get even” level, try to share your heartaches and household responsibilities together. Bear with a spouse who is sick or who wrongs you. Work together as a team. Change the diapers of your babies together. Your marriage should be a continuation of the wonderful days you had when you were courting. Husband and wife are different so that you will be able to challenge each other to grow together toward maturity. And maturity is trying to make the other person happy, even if it will cost you something. When you try to please your spouse, you will have a better marriage.
The Husband Must Exercise Loving Leadership
The husband is to be the leader in the home. When you marry and become a couple, you form a new decision-making unit which we call “the family.” The husband should set high standards for the family, and live by these standards himself. He should lead family worship, prayer at mealtimes, and see to it that the family gets to church on time. He should make his wife’s duties easier for her by hanging his clothes, coming for meals on time, cleaning out his pockets before putting clothes in the wash hamper, and cooking meals when his wife is too busy to cook. If these duties become a habit, you are on the way to enjoying a successful marriage.
Be Faithful To Your Spouse
Sex outside a marriage does a lot to weaken a marriage bond. It leads to mistrust, anger, bitterness, conflicts, fights, and a weakened desire to continue living with your spouse. Marriage is supposed to be honorable. What makes a marriage succeed is faithfulness.
The sexual appetites within our bodies can be misused if we do not control it. It can easily be aroused, especially in these days when there are so many sexually stimulating images all around us.
But you can be faithful to your spouse if you want to be. You can do this by resolving to live each day as if it was your last day, and by determining to be loyal to your marriage vows. Do not spend a lot of time alone with a single woman, if you are a husband. And do not get too intimate with a man in your office, if you are a wife. Let there be limits to your friendship.
Recognize It As A Sacred Union
Jesus made a statement that, “ He who created them from the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and will stick to his wife, and the two will be one flesh’…therefore, what God has yoked together let no man put apart.” These words of Jesus mean that both He and God view marriage as a sacred union. God does not take a casual view of marriage. When you view your marriage in that light, you will take it seriously and work to make it succeed, knowing that God will judge you for making a mess of your marriage. One of the secrets to a happy marriage is to see it as something God cares about and to invite Him into it to help you make your marriage succeed.
Stop looking around and stop comparing your relationship with that of another wife, or another husband. You must realize that couples are different. You cannot conduct your home the way another couple conducts its home. Some couples like to be on the go almost all the time, almost every night of the week. Other couples like spending their leisure hours in the house talking, doing household chores, or watching a movie together. In some homes, the wife is an introvert and her husband is an extrovert. In other homes, the wife is an extrovert and the husband an introvert.
You must accept the fact that your marriage is different from the marriages of others. It is an essential ingredient you must add to your way of thinking for a healthy marriage to be produced. Learn to concentrate on your marriage. Just be yourself. Believe in your partner. Be content with him if he is the right person, or her if she is the right woman for you, and you will have a happy marriage.
Trust Your Partner
Do you trust each other as a couple? Can the husband honestly say to his wife that: “Am I really worthy of your trust? Do you feel that you will be my ‘one and only’ forever?” Do you as a husband or a wife enjoy being with your partner more than with anyone else? If you want your marriage to succeed you must want to be together as much as possible. Trust is one of the most important factors in marriage success.
For the marriage to succeed, you must be really committed to your partner. Some married couples ask what is wrong with cheating. What you have to know is that you cannot give yourself physically or emotionally to your partner until you can trust him or her and know that the relationship will last for life. If you are one who thinks that there is nothing wrong with having an affair, it will be difficult for your partner to trust you.
When there is no trust in a relationship, commitment is weakened and a partner will not take the marriage seriously. When that happens, the marriage is bound to fail. The only type of marriage that will succeed is the one in which there is trust.
Do not be too suspicious of your spouse. Even if they have made mistakes in the past, give the person a chance to prove himself or herself. Discuss the mistake, negotiate a commitment from them to change, and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. When your partner sees you are willing to believe in them and to give them a second chance, it may touch their heart and make them take steps to be a better spouse.
Learn to be a person worthy of trust yourself. Confess your faults to one another. If your partner does not trust you the first question you should ask yourself is: “What have I done to cause my partner to feel this way?” Talk to him or her. Find out why he does not trust you and make the necessary efforts to correct your mistakes.
Develop Your Personal Resilience
Some spouses are too willing to give up easily when challenges come up in the marriage, and are quick to find the easy way out, which is to become apathetic and walk out of the marriage.
If you want your marriage to succeed, you must make up your mind that no matter what negative thing will come your way, you will do your best to make the marriage succeed. This will motivate you to keep trying alternative solutions till you come up with one that works. It will also help you to have the right mental fortitude, and to say the right things, so that you will be determined to stay in the marriage.
One way you can build your resilience is to think “I will never give up” thoughts. For example, if your spouse cheats, instead of thinking “I cannot forgive him. I am leaving,” you must think, “I made the choice to marry Ike. I hate what Ike has done but I will try and find out why he cheated. I will not break up with him. Marriage is full of disappointments and sometimes spouses fail. I won’t leave. Maybe my actions may have contributed. I will stay and fight till the marriage works. He is experiencing a weakness and I must give him support so that he can overcome his weakness.”
One thing you can do to make your marriage succeed is to go the extra mile to do romantic things to your spouse. It will help to sustain the spirit of the marriage, and keep you loving each other so that that fire of passion in the marriage will not be dimmed.
What are some of the ways in which you can be romantic?
- When you wake up in the morning, whilst you are still lying in bed, look into your spouse’s face, take his or her hand, and say something like, “Darling, you make my day every time I wake up to see your beautiful, or handsome, face. I cherish you greatly and will keep thoughts of you in my head throughout today. And I will be waiting to see you again in the evening so that you can make my day, this day, complete. Never forget the day is never complete without you.” It will please your spouse and put him or her in a good mood for the day and make them want to do their marital responsibilities with happiness, which will help to strengthen the love bond in the marriage.
- Make it a routine to bath together in the evening when you come home from work every day. Whilst you bath, massage your partner to relieve their aches and pains and help get them in a good condition to be productive at work the next day. Talk about the day’s activities, and whisper romantic words into each other’s ears.
- It is common to take a walk hand-in-hand outside the house to a park, or through the neighborhood. But have you ever considered taking a walk in your house hand-in-hand? If you have a yard, it will even be better. Stroll in the yard with your arms locked, and talk about the great times and wonderful experiences you have had in the marriage. You can decide to do this on a weekend when you may not be under a lot of pressure to do other things. Alternately, you can decide to stroll in your sitting room or bedroom, depending on the space available there, and just remind yourselves of the great times you have had, whilst you have your arms around each other’s waists or shoulders. It is great for bonding.
- Compose a love song together. Team up to write the lyrics and then make it a habit to sing the song to each other often. Because you produced it together, you will both feel you own it, and so when you sing it, it will bring togetherness and make you feel closer to each other.
Build Learning Networks
Network effectively with other couples in your neighborhood, especially couples whose marriages are succeeding. Plan to have regular meetings with them, for example once every month. During these meetings, you can exchange ideas and get new insights into how to make your marriage better.
Feel free to talk about the weaknesses you see in yourself, during the meetings, and ask them how you think they can help you overcome them. Remember to focus on your weaknesses, and not your spouse’s weaknesses, because when you can improve on yourself, it will affect the way you relate to your spouse, and your spouse will respond positively when your attitude towards him or her is good.
How To Make Your Marriage Succeed
Do you think your spouse trusts you?
© 2014 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio