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4 Honest Ways to Rebuilding Trust after Adultery

Updated on February 11, 2013
Acceptance is key to recovery in adultery
Acceptance is key to recovery in adultery

“That goes against what I believe morally, That’s adultery, and if I am accused of that, no, that’s not right. I have two kids who see that and remember that and judge me. It didn’t happen, and it’s not to be reported”

Nicole Kidman

Finding out that your husband or wife is having an affair with another person is a very devastating experience. Even though a marriage can often recover, sometime the damage done is simply too great to overcome. Some live with the scar death and that is how serious adultery is.

When marital infidelity is discovered, betrayal by takes ones emotional well-being on an emotional roller coaster from anger, to hurt, to fear to rage. One just feels numb. One feels exposed, embarrassed, unwanted and even blames oneself for falling in love with his or her partner in the first place.

In marriage, two people become one; adultery tears apart the special intimacy and trust between husband and wife. If is a very difficult challenge marriage partners have to face after one partner commits adultery.

Couple arguing after an adultery
Couple arguing after an adultery

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.

~Paul Sweeney

4 honest ways to rebuild trust after adultery

Be honest with each other

Trust is the glue that holds the couples together. Without it, couples can’t exist together. Doubt starts to rise. Jealousy steps in. slowly but surely all the negativities move into the couples lives. Man starts to think bad about the women. So does the woman to the man.

As a matter of fact, infidelity starts from lose of trust. Someone, somewhere, along the way lost trust because someone did something. It may be the husband or wife. Let me tell you this “The easiest way to lose trust and of course your relationship is to be DISHONEST. Hey! I have done it before and I am telling. It was a six year relationship I lost and it was bloody painful.

I wasn’t being honest with her when she found out I also had another girlfriend. That was way back in colleague and you know there are always lots of beautiful girls to date. Damn, I lost her. You know what? She was the one I truly loved. Godamit, I bloody lost her. We never made it back together but we are both happy we never cried over the spilt milk. She is happy and I am happy leaving our own lives. That was easy because we weren’t married. Could have been a different scenario if we married. Would have been adultery if we were married legally.

To the couple who are trying to build their relationship after infidelity, the most important thing both parties can do is to be honest with each other. It isn’t easy as ABC. Losing trust is very easy. You can lose it in matter of seconds but may take lifetime to build it again.

The person who caused the infidelity or adultery must admit all that he or she did if both parties are determined to make the relationship work. The hardest part now is for the victim to accept everything that has happen. It is the most painful part. Recovery process is slow and either party should expect recovery to happen overnight.

Accusations rarely helps

Acccusations results when adultery occus
Acccusations results when adultery occus

Own up

Work as a team

In a soccer match, a team wins not because it has the fast striker or best goalkeeper. The team wins because it is a team. A team is made up individuals who are tasked to perform certain roles that contribute to the collective goal of the team. That is to put the ball past the goal mouth and hit the net. The teal losses if an individual doesn’t play his part in performing his roles.

In a relationship, the main goal is for the relationship is to benefit both parties. Than man and the woman. Adultery breaks trust between the two parties and breaks down the team work. This happens when a party doesn’t play his or her roles. When you enter a relationship, you agree to unwritten Terms and Conditions of Love Relationship. That you will cooperate as Team Members of a team of two people. When you marry and have children, your team expands.

When adultery strikes, work as a team. Corporation is key. Your partner may have a reason to do what he or she did. Find out.

When the time is right, talk to him or her in a way that shows you are concern about the relationship and want to talk about it for the best interest of the relationship. Often times, the victim expects the partner who caused infidelity to apologize. No. he or she is just as scared as insecure as you are now. You take the first step. Make him or her feel safe to tell what he or she did.

Its team work, help your teammate. When he wins, you win. But if you try to blame him for causing you misery, and do nothing about it, team loses and you both lose a relationship that has potential to do even better.

Replace old habits

Everything happens for a reason. Your old habits. What does he or she like about you? What does he or she don’t like about you? The DON’T LIKES are crucial. Did you find out these DON’T LIKES when you were first dating? If you didn’t, it never too late. Find out.

Little things like this add up to causing your partner to look elsewhere. Eg. Are you always talking a lot that your partner doesn’t like? Are you snobbish? Do you only prefer sex in bed at night? You refuse to go out? Please cross examine your habits and kicked out the ones he or she doesn’t like. It’s hard. But if there is a will, there is a way. You just have to do it in order to do it.

Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter.

~Lemony Snicket

Know when to move on

I have listed this last for a reason. When all else fail, you can’t imprison yourself in a relationship that don’t work at all. Know when to move on. But don’t move on unless all avenues for getting help is exhausted. In a way, you have really assessed the situation and did all you could to help better your relationship but it just didn’t work. Than you can consider it as “you were never meant to be together”.

Pack up and say goodbye.

Know when to walk away


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I hope my experience brought some light into your life. I keep you in my mind. That you be filled with positive energy from the universe. That your life be filled with abundance as you start thinking positive, speaking positive and leaving positive. Life isn’t a bed of roses. We are meant to be bombarded by troubles big and small.


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    • Ian Dabasori Hetr profile image

      Ian D Hetri 3 years ago from Papua New Guinea

      Lynne Mano,

      I am glad you found my hub interesting. Happy hubbing.


    • profile image

      Lynne Mano 3 years ago


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      Jennifer Mark 3 years ago

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    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 5 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Thank you for writing this hub. I hope a lot more read it and learn from it. It will probably keep more people together.

    • Nicola Tweedie profile image

      Nicola Tweedie 5 years ago from East Sussex, United Kingdom

      I like the part about replacing old habits. I think this is key. Remembering what was good and what you want to hold onto, and being honest about what you want to get rid of between you is crucial. If it's going to work, the relationships needs a spring clean!