ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

5 Things Found in a Healthy Marriage

Updated on April 12, 2015
Source

Key Ingredients Found in a Healthy Marriage

About one year after my husband and I had our first child we went through a very rough patch in our marriage. The word divorce was mentioned more than once, and friends and family all braced themselves for what they thought was the end of our marriage. The years before had been stressful. My husband and I had a stillborn son, we lost his father to cancer, and then dealt with a very stressful pregnancy with our daughter. Our patience with each other was worn too thin and we no longer connected on a level that married people should. It broke my heart to live in a marriage where I no longer felt loved, but somehow we made it through, and six years later I can say we are happier than ever. However, we learned some very hard lessons.


Learning from our past

I was out to lunch with some girlfriends a couple years ago and I ran into a good friend of my mother's. She and her husband were like mentors to me, they had been together over forty years and still thriving. I could see the way they looked at each other and I longed to somehow hold onto that with my husband, though the years and the hard times were bound to hit again someda


Don't Give Up No marriage is perfect and every spouse is going to make mistakes, but with divorce rates so high and so many things working against marriage, it is important to put in the work that marriage requires. Forgive, appreciate, talk to each other, say I love you and be affectionate. And with these ingredients your marriage will thrive over the years and become stronger with them.


We talked about the things my husband and I had been through and the lessons that we learned. She asked what had changed us, and she asked me why I thought the two of us made it through this ordeal. It took me some time to answer her, but my answer was plain and simple, we loved each other very much. But we learned that a marriage cannot survive on love alone, that it takes practice, work, and most of all patience. She gave me some wonderful advice about why her marriage had stayed strong for so many years and I am adamant about following it.

1. Forgiveness

This isn't a surprise answer. Forgiveness is a well known ingredient for any successful relationship, but it is much much harder than it looks. Forgiveness doesn't just mean letting go of a fight or letting your partner be correct for the sake of ending an argument. Forgiveness is the real deal. When something big goes wrong in your marriage, and you decide to work through it with your partner, and you decide over time that you are able to forgive them, you have to stick with that. Forgiving someone doesn't come with a clause that allows you to throw it back at them during any given argument or time you are feeling angry or insecure. When you decide to forgive your partner you need to mean it, and as hard as it may be you have to move on from the problem.

2. Appreciation and Respect

Being a stay at home mom leaves me with many days when I feel like what I do for our family just isn't enough. Sometimes just a simple thank you for making dinner makes a huge difference in my day. When my husband tells me he appreciates all that I do, I am reminded that we are a team, we work together, and what I contribute to our marriage and lifestyle means just as much as what he does to provide for our family. It goes both ways. I try to remind myself to tell my husband how much I love him and appreciate him for being such a great provider. By telling your spouse how much you admire what they do, you are showing them that you respect them, and that is invaluable.

3. Say “I love you” everyday

Whether or not you feel like telling your spouse you love them daily, do it anyway. Every time we say goodbye we tell each other we love them. Every time we say hello we say "I love you." My husband took some time to get used to this, but now I swear he says it more than I do. Just that little gesture makes a difference in the way you interact with each other.

4. Really talk to each other

Take a small amount of time each day to just reflect on your lives. Fifteen minutes is really all it takes, by connecting through communication you are no longer just a married couple who loves each other, you are best friends as well, and this helps to build a bond that is very strong. By talking to each other, and opening lines of communication, you are able to learn more about your spouse and learn more about what each other needs in the marriage. Open communication can solve mountains of problems and by honoring and listening to what each other needs you can learn how to provide those needs for each other. So talk....learn...and really listen to each other.


5. Be affectionate

Hug, kiss, and whisper sweet nothings into each others ears. Physical connection is important to help people bond and grow together. Don’t go a day without at least hugging your spouse and making sure they know how much you enjoy it. Put the kids to bed early and find some alone time for affection in your marriage.

Above All- Respect Your Marriage

Marriage is work, but it's worth it!
You have to work at your marriage every day and some days will be an uphill battle, but I have found it to be a very rewarding battle. With a little love, forgiveness, appreciation, respect and affection, your marriage will bring you a lifetime of happiness.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)