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5 Things Never To Say When Making A Toast To The Groom

Updated on June 4, 2016
Bad Wedding Toaster
Bad Wedding Toaster

Weddings, many people who fall in love mostly end up getting married. Marriage is a binding commitment by two people to love. honor and respect each other till death do them part, or until someone's money runs out. It can be a wonderful experience as well as it can be quite horrible for a a few. But i am not here to tell you about marriage, i am here to tell you about the thing that seals the marriage, the wedding occasion. That special day when the bride dresses in that beautiful wedding dress, the groom is sparkling in his suite, the best men are sharp and the bridesmaids are looking beautiful. The events of a wedding are always well documented, everything is captured in video or pictures. From the time the Wedding area is setup to when the last person leaves the venue. But what i really want to discuss is those mean wedding toasters. Those wedding toasters who think that just because a couple is now married, you can toast out those dirty dark secrets that may have been buried a long time ago. So here are the five things you must never toast to the groom.

1, Never Toast Abut The Groom's Past Conquests

So here is loud mouth Larry who has known Tim the groom for over thirty years. He decides on giving a toast and people begin to place their hands on their foreheads, covering their eyes because they know loud mouth Larry likes to chat and likes to chat a lot. They are now thinking this toast is going to take forever but had no idea about the stupidity that was about to leave the lips of loud mouth Larry. He begins his toast;

"Congratulations to my good friend Tim for hitching up with this broad. God know she is much better than all the girls you had been with. And i can tell you, my boy Time was a real gigolo, he had women pouring out of his ears. Congratulations again Tim"

So Tim's wife looks at her newly wed and gives him a nice "You have some explaining to do about your freaky past mister" look.

2. Never Toast About The Groom's Hot Wife

The groom may not be that attractive and just ends up with one of the most gorgeous woman on the planet. Everyone in the back of their minds are there wondering if this is what they mean when they say love is really blind. They wonder how such a guy could hook up with such a beautiful woman. Now here comes Mr. Loudmouth with his next toast, expressing what many may have been thinking.

"Oh my God Tim, I must congratulate you on your wedding. Your choice of women is simply breathtaking. I have no idea how you got her but you did! I wish i was in your shoes right now my friend because my honeymoon would be extra long!

This toast is extremely rude, you can't compliment the groom's wife with something like that while indirectly saying she is better quality than her husband. You have sank really low here sir.

3, Never Toast About The Groom's Debts

The Groom's wife is thinking about living happily with her new hubby. She imagines a life filled with prosperity and complete happiness. Then financial doubts begin to linger in her head because of one stupid toast. And the toast goes;

"Big Congrats to you Tim. Marriage is a very good thing. You get to share everything with your partner, even their debts, that's the power of two for you"

Well, all i can say is that someone owes someone a lot of money and now the wife will have to pay too. Never toast and bring up any financial topics. You may have just started the first argument before the honeymoon.

4. Never Crash The Groom's Toast To Toast His Bride

Many times you will have some real envious women who somehow end up at the wedding. These persons could be a girlfriend(s) who they associate with daily or just a female friend who was in love with the bride's groom before the bride stole him and got married. They would really want to make a bad toast about you and many do it so nicely. Now she begins her toast;

"Hello, i would like to toast to the Groom, congratulations sweetheart, i wish you all the best. and may my one and true girlfriend Cindy on her special day, find complete happiness. God knows you deserve it girl. The sacrifice you made was enormous. You had to loose 50 pounds to fit in that dress you said you didn't like so much, Oh wow. But don't worry my girl, you will get fat again. cheers!"

Isn't this chick one real back stabbing subliminal sniper? Here she is smoothly discrediting the brides-made dress and telling the groom his wife will be fat soon

Have you ever toasted at a Wedding?

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5, Never Toast About The Groom's Criminal Record

Not everyone is perfect and people all over this planet do make mistakes. One mistake many people make is to do something stupid to be slapped with a nice criminal record. Even though many good people who have stood up for their rights have also been slapped with criminal records. But if you are toasting the groom, one should desist from making a toast where the grooms past life is brought up. Now here comes loud mouth Larry again yet with another bad wedding toast;

"A toast to my good friend Tim. you have really turned your life around, after spending 6 years in prison for those crimes, i am really glad you have now come to settle down. You have lived a wild and lawless life, but now you are married."

Can someone kick loud mouth Larry outside please. This guy has no brakes on his negative wedding toast and plans to turn the union upside down. So after revealing the prison secret many eyebrows begin to raise and a gush of whispers fall on the union then a swift silence. Then the master of ceremony breaks the ice with another corny wedding joke.

Wedding Toast
Wedding Toast


Wedding toast are done to highlight and compliment the person who the toast is being made to. There should be nothing negative being placed inside a toast. Whether it be directly or indirectly aimed. I always tell people who simply love to chat like loud mouth Larry, if you have nothing good to say, shut the hell up!


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    • RJ Schwartz profile image

      Ralph Schwartz 13 months ago from Idaho Falls, Idaho

      This is great - it reminds us that we often can "open mouth...insert foot"

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 13 months ago from Shelton

      this was crazy hilarious.. maybe after several drinks... I'd find nothing wrong with these toasts....

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 13 months ago from Southern Illinois

      HaHa, Frank, you drink? no. Hee. This was a fun read. Just shut the hell up says it all...

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 13 months ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Very well done Clive. I hope you did not get all these from experience. Thanks for the good chuckle.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      LOL@RJ Schwartz, sometimes the foot in mouth is really better.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      LOL@frank, please frank, don't make those toast

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      Ericdierker, no sir, i try to make my toast as splendid as tea with the queen

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      Yes, alwaysexploring...if you have nothing good to say....just zip it

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 13 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Solid words of wisdom, Clive. I'll keep them in mind.

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 13 months ago from Nibiru

      Thanks or visiting My post Billy.

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