5 Things you believe that keep you from having a fulfilling Relationship
We’re human. Sometimes we make bad choices, get involved with the wrong people and get our hearts broken. Sometimes we find ourselves alone – either by choice, chance or as a result of the things we continue to believe. Here are some things that you may believe and which are holding you back from having a fulfilling interpersonal experience.
1. Those of the opposite sex are all wired the same way
Yes, there are articles that share extensive findings on how men and women are wired to think a certain way; then there is also the popular saying “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”.
The issue arises when you consider that idea as an absolute and allow it to form your decisions about the opposite sex.
As much as it might make some of our lives easier to believe this, it isn’t a very healthy way to approach your prospective partner (if you’re looking for anything meaningful, of course)
You might believe that all people of the opposite sex are wired to behave in a specific way, yet individual traits are not that ‘black and white’.
With this kind of perspective we allow ourselves to see people within a frame that is one-dimensional.
When meeting someone, don’t just assume that they are like every other person of the opposite sex that you have met. Don’t write them off based on this notion. If you do this, without giving any credit or consideration to their uniqueness, then you set yourself up for disappointment.
Tip: If you’re interested in someone, approach them with a genuine curiosity. Don’t rely on the tactics you had used on previous dates. You’ll find your connection to be so much more fulfilling when you spend time learning the traits and strengths of an individual you admire.
2. All the relationship advice you read
You might Google “how to love someone” or “how not to be myself so that someone could accept me” and expect to receive sound advice from the experts of the World Wide Web. There’s no doubt that you’re going to get answers from several people out there who have explored the topic, but that doesn’t mean that all (or any) of those are going to be the right answers for you.
The truth is, much of what you read is opinion. To believe that these answers apply directly to your life is to admit that you’re dating a generic individual. As discussed in the previous point, individual character should always be taken into consideration. Of course there is sound psychological advice out there, but even then, there are several studies pertaining to relationships that often cancel each other out – don’t believe all the statistics you read.
Learn to own your perspective. Use common sense, intuition and personal experience to assess your circumstances before accepting the advice of the online community – not because all advice is wrong, but because there isn’t always a clear distinction between those who offer expert advice and those who experiment with advice.
Tip: Deep down, you already know what is good for you. You know what hurts you, what scares you, what excites you and what charms you. The best you can do is express these things to your partner and pay attention to what they feel too. Someone who cares about you will be understanding and patient as long as you’re putting in the effort.
3. Your past is better than your present
If you still believe that you left the love of your life somewhere in the past, you’re probably not going to have very many meaningful or fulfilling relationships in the present or future.
By doing this you accept the belief that your greatest moments of joy are limited. You’re basically telling yourself that the past is the best of your experience and that there is no hope of getting the best out of your present situations.
In this way you only deprive yourself of creating more memories and life-lessons that would add significance to your journey.
Every time we make the mistake of comparing everything that exists in the present to everything that occurred in the past we choose not to accept a life of varied experience because we expect our history to reoccur. No experience of love and romance needs to be the same, whether you’re with the same person for a long time or with someone new. When you open yourself up to the possibility of experiencing, not the same, but just as much joy with someone else, you invite fulfilling relationships into your life.
Tip: If you’re not ready to move on from your last love, take the necessary time to deal with your emotions and to become comfortable with your own company again. A rebound relationship might frustrate you in more ways than you bargained for.
Who were you before the relationship ended? You survived the single life, you can do it again. You were brave enough to step into love, you can do it again.
Which one of these beliefs do you think have been most detrimental to your relationships?
4. You’re a magnet to the same kind of people
If you believe that you’re always getting involved with the same kind of people, then you’re probably going to subconsciously choose the same (possibly destructive) kind of people to be a part of your life.
We often meet people and believe that we are victims to the same kind of abuse when in fact we are the ones who create the opportunity for victimization. This may sound harsh, but it is true. You choose the kind of love you feel you deserve.
Who you have in your life is more of a reflection of your self-image than your circumstances. You attract the kind of people that you want and invite into your life. If you have a positive outlook and positive self-image, you attract people who appreciate that.
Tip: Don’t be afraid to think that you’re awesome, amazing, and approachable. Remain aware of this when you meet new people – expose yourself to different groups of people.This way you will invite people who complement and appreciate your character.
5. You can’t be with anyone
This belief is one of the most detrimental. If attitudes were visible, low self-esteem would be a tattered sail amongst the floating people, one that is dull and uninviting.
We all have our insecurities, but when it becomes overexerted it can be discouraging to prospective partners.
Many people have a fear of intimacy that they may interpret differently if they don’t acknowledge it. You may feel that you’re unable to find someone who is kind and patient without realizing that you display distrust to the people who are kindest to you and exhibit intolerable behavior that eventually pushes people away.
On a subconscious level, you act out your fears and prevent yourself from being with someone who is willing to be with you.
So you start to believe that you’re un-dateable or that there is no one out there for you. Fear is normal when entering into something new, but detrimental when you already write something off before it has even begun. Sometimes you just need to lower your guard, make yourself approachable and simply allow someone to love you without worrying about what tomorrow has in store.
Become aware of habitual behavior. Whenever you express anger or intolerance, question your logic behind it. Is there a pattern? Is this how your last relationship ended? You could be subconsciously destroying your own relationships.
Keep an ‘emotion’ journal (it will be helpful you’ll see). Keep a record of when you become angry or emotional. Writing it down may help you to realize if a pattern in your behavior exists (and also help you to calm down).
Speak to someone about it, even if not to get their advice but to hear yourself say it – you’d be surprised at how quickly you realize your own irrationality when you have to explain it out loud.
- The Jetstream Team