- Gender and Relationships»
5 Tips on how to rekindle a burned out marriage
Remember what attracted you to your spouse
As time goes by in a relationship one can actually forget why they married their spouse in the first place. In fact the main reason can soon become the main reason for frustration. For example a woman may like the quiet laid back type of man, but as years pass this quietness can then become frustrating to the woman who now wants the man to speak up. Or a man who falls in love with a woman who had always kept a well groomed appearance, but then later accuses her of dressing up for someone else. Take some time to write out ones likes and dislikes and share them with one another without feeling rejected. Even though people change along with needs over time one should strive to remember the little magnets that brought attraction to the relationship.
Make time for one another
It is possible to be home in the presence of ones spouse and still be absent. The busy work schedules along with being responsible for the children can certainly leave no time for ones relationship. Quality time together is when couples can focus their full attention on one another without being distracted by the television , telephone or even the children. This is why taking out time and planning special date times during the week is a great thing for rekindling that flame that seems to be dying. Priorities are a part of every one's life because people function on the level of what is important to them. When a relationship is placed down the bottom of the list of priorities instead of at the top, a woman especially may feel unappreciated while a man may not feel respected. When a spouse becomes a major priority another log is placed on the fire to keep it burning longer.
Be realistic about where the relationship is
Like anything else, the key to heading toward a destination is know where one is at presently. For example if a person wants to get out of debt, they must know their present financial status, or if a person wants to conquer an addiction they must be willing to admit they are presently an addict in need of help. A couple must know where they are in order for the relationship to go in a positive direction. The couple must be honest and being honest can hurt at times when true feelings have been buried by lies and false hope. If feelings for ones spouse have died, it must be admitted so that work can begin in this area. It is a good idea to have a pastor, marriage counselor or a trusted credential holder to help with this process.
Learn to Listen
Listening is an art when done properly because it can prepare for problems that are ahead, fix problems at the moment and learn not to make the same past mistakes. Not listening can cause offense and stop the communicator from communicating and dealing with important issues. This leads to disaster in a relationship. Listening is not preparing how to respond while one is speaking, but it is taking the time to meditate on what is being said feeling the heart of the communicator.
The deception of having arrived
One of marriages enemies is the goal of having arrived because arrival brings about a passiveness that may trick one into thinking that nothing else needs to be done. A couple may spend years putting their best foot forward during the dating season, but as soon as the marriage vows are communicated at the alter they relax and breathe a sigh of relief because they have now arrived. They may say they can relax because they have the man or woman of their dreams, or they don't need to fix their appearance daily anymore because they have arrived. They may feel they can now speak anyway that they want to each other because they have arrived. The husband may now feel he can watch sports all weekend because he has arrived. The feeling that arrival gives can be a false sense of security because one can think everything is fine when it really is not. When wood is burning in the fireplace, a couple must constantly poke and add more wood along with other things to keep the fire burning, but if they sit on the couch and enjoy the warmth and beauty and never keep it going, it will soon die. One must work at marriage daily to keep the fire burning!
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