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5 Ways To Win The Man of Your Dreams

Updated on March 18, 2013
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The Way to a Happy Relationship

One of the most important things a woman should keep in mind in dealing with men is that men absolutely do NOT become attached as as quickly as we do. It will take over one year before a man develops a real bond. You must believe me when I say this. After studying men in relationships, and spending countless hours interviewing both men and women, I have personally seen this to be a fact. I have also seen my close female friends suffer through this over and over. My friend Dede just recently went through this.

Three weeks after her sister had passed away, she met a man who seemed like a genuine nice guy. He felt sorry for her because he had a brother who passed away years ago, and she was very touched by how caring he was. They talked about her sister and his brother and she thought she had made a real connection.

They became intimate within two weeks, and were basically talking or texting every day, or every other day. My friend was happy with a guy for the first time in years. She told me about conversations they were having in regard to marriage, and how important fidelity is. This guy enjoyed being generous with the woman in his life, and told her so. He paid for things and romanced her.

Dede had a man she was already seeing, but she was not satisfied with the guy, and believed the relationship to be going nowhere. She asked my advice on what to do with her "going nowhere guy" and I told her to keep him around. Of course she said that after three months of being with this new guy, she had no use for the other loser, and dumped him. As her new relationship seemed to be growing and intensifying, her new man suddenly became cold for apparently no reason. She had actually felt a little uneasy about the fact that they were close, but not getting any closer, so she asked him if he were seeing anyone else. He seemed shocked and replied that he would talk to her some other time about it.

Being on the outside of the relationship itself, and not being emotionally involved, it was quite easy for me to see that the guy was doing the typical thing that men do. Of course she was stunned, thinking that this was different, and special, because he was going through so much to win her over, and because they had bonded with her over her deceased sister.

"But he said he wanted to go to Las Vegas this weekend two weeks ago, and hasn't called me about it." "But just last weekend we were together and everything seemed fine", Dede repeated to me. I felt sorry for her, but, I saw it all coming. He avoided her, and she could not get him to speak with her again.

I have heard this 100 times before. When a woman is consumed with the conversation within a relationship, and what they believe is honest appreciation, they want to trust, and let all the good juices flow, and unfortunately it is not the same for guys. We interpret what we are feeling to be what they are feeling too. But a man can become cold and blow off a 5 month relationship without thinking about it twice. They will call after not speaking for several months and act as though there is nothing wrong with it, and believe me, they will be deliberately sweet and charming in effort to get in your pants again. To apply common sense to the situation you must ask yourself how he has gone so long without any communication and then ask yourself if he could go a month or more without sex. Men will have several women who they string along and many women think that by having sex with a man she is establishing her territory, but the opposite is true. When you have sex with your man too early in a relationship you actually lose ground and make it easier for him to place you in the pile of girls he may call every couple of weeks or months to get some sex.


Guidelines to Winning

  1. Keep your emotions in check. One of the worst things you can do, especially early in the relationship, is to show too much emotion. It gives a guy the feeling that you are unstable,clingy, and desperate. Being highly emotional or scolding, will make a guy feel trapped, and they do not expect any level of intensity from you until you are really in a solid relationship, which will take at least one year. Dede made the mistake of asking him about other girls; a big mistake. No one wants to be questioned, and it is best to understand that there probably is someone else, just as she had someone else. If you are the one who bonds with him, and develops a real relationship with him, the others will disappear. Do whatever you have to do to keep from going off, and never eliminate the question, Is this guy worth it? Because if he really is not a great man, then you should keep him on the back burner at best. If after four or five months you are asking questions, you can easily seem to be not so much fun anymore, and another problem girl, in which he will have not problem, and will be quite relieved to get rid of you.
  2. Never, Never, Never have sex with a guy within the first month of dating. It is best to wait as long as you can possibly hold out. It doesn't matter how modern he is, men always value what they have to work for, and being creatures who do not bond quickly, they can easily have sex with you and then never call again.
  3. Have hobbies. It is a great turn on when women have interests of their own that they pursue, and also a big turn off when a woman depends totally on a guy for entertainment. You will be a more interesting person all around if you make an effort to "discover yourself."
  4. If the relationship seems to be going nowhere, see other men. A guy should commit to you, and if he does not, it could be because he wants someone else. You must be kind enough to yourself to avoid being trashed. There are limits as to how long you should be with a guy for fun. Also, if a man knows that you will not hang around forever, he will respect you and be willing to hold onto you before you find someone else.
  5. Be decent. Never act like one of the boys, you should be special and not just another guy. Many girls resort to using foul language and that should be avoided at all costs. It is important that the man in your life realize that he needs to act a certain way around you, and mind his manners, because you are a special lady. Men like it, believe me, they do not want someone who has no standards of behavior, or anything to rise up to.

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