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5 languages of love - Do you speak with the same language of love?

Updated on June 18, 2014

Learn about 5 languages of love

Marriage therapist Andrew G. Marshall who wrote 'I Love You, but Iâm Not IN Love with You: Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship' explains how couples can keep their relationship just by improving the means of communication.

There are five basic ways (5 languages of love) you can express your love:

1. time

2. touch

3. acts

4. words

5. gifts

Of course, if you and your partner communicate through various channels (languages of love), your message sent to the partner may go unnoticed or partner may misinterpret it, bringing your relationship in jeopardy. Fortunately, there are ways that you can learn to talk to your partner with understanding.

Do you speak with the same language of LOVE?

When we fall in love we assume that the chosen partner understands love in exactly the same way as we do. That is mostly true in the first stage of relationship because partners are freshly in loved so they communicate in all five languages of love. However, in the next phase when each partner returns to his originally learned, one of 5 languages of love, it comes to their first disagreements and suspicions. Imagine partners who speak different language, one believes that love shows buying gifts, while others prefer showing love with words. First holiday or birthday will bring new misunderstandings. Partner who expects gifts will feel unloved because he didnât get a gift, and a partner who wants to spend his birthday in front of the fireplace having cozy conversation will be disappointed if his partner prepares a surprise party and gets him a bunch of gifts he doesnât even see any emotional value in.

For start letâs meet ways of expressing love in detail (5 languages of love):

LANGUAGE OF LOVE 1: - Spending quality time together

This implies lying in the arms of your partner watching TV or planning a joint vacation. These people often don’t understand partner who spends too much time with friends, at work or engaging in hobbies. Their most common complaint would be: we never do anything together or you have the time for everything except for me. The worst thing s partner can do is to forget a birthday, cancel an important family gathering, because of work or friends.

If you can recognize your partner in this – don’t let anything be more important than spending time with your partner. Try to include partner in your activities, if you can’t do that at least try to be completely focused on your partner in the time you spend together. Also besides sharing time together, share your thoughts and actions. Schedule a certain time of the week to spend with your partner in a common activity, depending on your possibilities.


Caring actions

This is the most common way of language of love. People who show their love through caring actions will most likely say something like: actions speak louder than words. Love is shown through the example of cooking for partner, helping partner to wash his car, driving your partner’s sister at the bus station at 3 am, etc.

If you recognize your partner in this – consciously compel yourself to find the ways in which you can show your love for partner. Install new antivirus software on his computer, or surprise with a dinner, offer to do the dishes … These partners especially appreciate when you do something that normally they wouldn’t expect. If you’re not sure what you could do for your partner, listen to what he usually complains. It’s the only way you can show your partner how much you care.

LANGUAGE OF LOVE 3: - Touch (loving physical contact)

Probably the first thing that comes to your mind is sex, but most often spontaneous hugs or kisses are more important. These people love holding hands or massages. You’ll probably hear from them something like: come for a kiss, hug me, etc. Of course, it can completely destroy them if the partner refuses because he is busy with other activities.

If you recognize your partner – loving physical contact is the best if it is not related to sex. You should sometimes gently put a hand on your partner’s back, hold your partner while watching a movie together … Only in the simple, non-sexual ways you can show your partner that you care. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner what he/she likes and where he/she sets a limit of touch in public.



These people want the whole world to know how special their relationship is. They will often repeat how much they love you, and what can hurt them the most is if you reply by belittling their words, “You’re just saying that because…”.

If you recognize your partner – Compliments are important to these people and they want their partners constantly celebrate their relationship. Often repeat your partner how much you love him, compliment him and use big words to describe your partner and your relationship.


Irrelevant of whether it is an expensive piece of jewelry or chocolate, “gifters” like to surprise their partner and to often donate him little things. You will hear them saying: I saw this and thought of you. The worst thing you can do is to think or even worse to say, “and what will I do with it?”.

If you recognize your partner – Today’s society is almost obsessed with donations and gifts so it’s easy to forget their true message, but people from these group of love languages still understand what giving is all about (if we exclude materialists)… Their gift means: “With this I want to say I’m thinking of you” . Therefore, don’t wait for special occasions, small gifts and little things will help you show your partner how special he is and how much you love him.

Marriage therapist Andrew G. Marshall, the author of this book explains how couples can keep their relationship just by improving the means of communication.

This bestseller was written by Gary D Chapman. By learning the five love languages with this book, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other.

Most of the people will identify their primary language of love immediately, but if you’re not sure which one is yours then finish the two following statements: “I feel the most loved when …” and “I mostly complain to my partner because he never…”. In particular, the second sentence will reveal the language you speak, because usually we complain for what we want the most.

To find out what language your partner has, just imagine how he would have finished these two sentences.

If your relationship is currently going through a serious phase, it is very important to try to adjust your love language to your partner’s love language before the breakup. However, if both partners are not willing to compromise and adjust their way of communicating and behaving, it will be difficult to find a common language of love.

Both partners should ask themselves the following questions:

- When was the last time I gave my partner a compliment?

- When was the last time I bought my partner a gift, and it was not a special occasion or birthday?

- When was the last time my partner and I went to a romantic dinner?

- When was the last time i touched my partner in a loving and gentle way, besides as an introduction or encouragement for sex?

- The last time I made a favor for my partner, even if he didn’t ask?

If the answer to each question in the last few days, you can give yourself an A in love communicating. Through last week is good, and the previous month is tolerant. But if the answer to a question was beyond the past month or if you can’t even remember, immediately talk to your partner, try to recognize his language of love and try to express love in a new way.

The potentially conflicting times, the language of love, or some of its words can be so masked and hidden because the partner assumes that an open conversation is almost impossible. Therefore, you should talk to your partner in such situations and discuss it openly, but in his language of love.

The following steps can help make it easier.

1. Think about the last time you wanted to say something, and the conversation went very badly.

2. Think about the last time you wanted to say something, and when you uttered it sounded completely different from what you imagined.

3. Come up with as many examples of such situations.

4. Think of the actual problems that you should talk about.

5. Ask yourself whether your sentences are clear and whether you need to make some changes not to be misunderstood.

Therefore, if you really want your partner to feel loved, try to give him what he needs, not what you would like to get.

New Comments

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    • monika64 profile imageAUTHOR

      Monique Flora 

      4 years ago

      @sweetplove lm: Yes, it really makes you understand your partner a little bit better :)

    • sweetplove lm profile image

      sweetplove lm 

      4 years ago

      i love the five love languages! It's been so helpful for me and my husband.


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