5 questions one should ask before getting married
should I set boundaries against parental intrusion?
Therefore for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother (Genesis 2:24a)
One of the most important decisions a couple should consider before marriage is the decision of parental boundaries. This does not mean a child must never visit or have relationship with the parents, but it does mean for the bride or groom to set boundaries as to how far a parents intrusion should be.
Mom and dad should not be the final authority in a child's marriage. We have all possibly heard about all of the negative thinking concerning in-laws; and a lot of this stems from a child who runs back to mom and dad every time something goes wrong in the marriage. This is not to say that advice can never be given, but there should be balance in this area or it could lead to problems down the road.
Am I ready to bond or remain independant?
And shall cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24a)
The biblical term for cleaving means to bond or become one. Many look at marriage in a joking way, as not being free anymore or having the old ball and chain around the ankles. When one thinks about the term freedom, they may be inclined to think one is free to do what they want. But quite the contrary, freedom always comes with responsibility. For example a person with a drivers license is free to drive, but their are laws that govern their driving. They cannot go through red lights, avoid obeying stop signs, or drive at any speed they want. Accidents would happen and lives would be affected if there were no boundaries to govern their freedom to drive. Likewise married couples are free to be themselves, but in the confines of the marriage vow. Marriage is the freedom to enjoy one another the way that God intended with his approval for the license to drive in the area of sex. Like a person with the freedom to drive a car, the laws are set in motion to protect, and God's laws that govern not having sex outside of marriage is set in place to protect from diseases, harmful emotional issues, the emotional stress on children born out of wedlock, who no longer have both parents because of no commitment by those parents. Freedom must come with responsibility and with bonding comes responsibility.
What are my true motives for getting married?
People do not always get married because they love one another and want to share the rest of their lives together. below is a small list of reasons why some couples may get married.
- Some couples may marry because of a pregnancy outside of marriage
- Some may marry to get away from home and parents
- Some may marry for religious convictions only
- Some may marry because their friends are married
- Some may marry because of being forced to do so by well meaning parents
- Some may marry because they feel there biological clock is running out and they are getting to old
Some may marry because they feel no one else will want them, so they take the first person that asks for their hand in marriage. Of course the bible says that marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, so when a person enters the union for the right reasons which are for love and the very marriage vows they repeat God promises his favor and blessing.
Am I marrying until death do us part or for a trial period?
Many of the baby boomers today could probably look back at their parents and agree that those parent relationships presently have or have had 50 year anniversaries or more. Looking at the divorce statistics in and outside of the christian circles, the rates are still half of all marriages end in divorce.
Going into marriage simply to try it out is not a good foundation to start off with.The bible says for husbands to dwell with their wives according to knowledge. When a person no longer wants to learn about the other, the relationship may begin to take a downward turn. When people are dating they get to know one another and are interested in knowing more about each other. This is what makes dating exciting.
One of the misconceptions of people who have been in relationships for a long time may be that they feel they already know everything there is to know about the other person, when in fact they have not scratched the surface. Their is untapped treasure within a person that is ready to be mined like gold, but when a person refuses to mine, nothing is found. For those in seasoned relationships think about the times surprises may have happened by the actions of the other spouse; one may have thought they knew them, when in fact one did not know them at all.
Continuing to have an open mind and a willingness to learn about a partner will keep a freshness and excitement to an otherwise boring relationship. Boredom sets in when a person feels as though they know everything there is to know about a partner and the only thing that may happen is a going through the motions of marriage. Getting up, going to work, picking up the children, coming home, going to bed, etc.I think you understand what I'm trying to say. If marriage is only going to be a trial period, then one may not be willing to invest in the time effort and resources that it takes to mine for gold.
Am I viewing marriage as a fantasy?
Women may in general have a head start on the men when it comes to marriage. As children they grow up on Barbie and Ken playhouses and they enter into their world of imagination with what a home should be. Men on the other hand may grow up on cars , trucks , video games and such like and don't really come into the marriage thinking mode until they are almost ready to do so. The women may have the men beat in the ideas of what they feel a marriage should because of the fantasy's created from Barbie and Ken. Men may tend to lean toward a view point experienced in the home by their father if he was there. If the father was a provider, then the son may follow that role, but if all the son ever saw was a father who did not treat mom with respect and was never home etc then they may follow that pattern. Even though marriage can be a fun an rewarding experience, it does take two people willing to work at it. Again it does take work and it can be a Cinderella story.