50+ Premarital Christian Counseling Questions to Ask Before You Get Married
Get to Know His Perspective On What Marriage Is
A Christian marriage is a union between two individuals who have been brought up differently under different circumstances. These differences can make the marriage stronger when they are viewed in the right perspective, or they can be the very reasons that may cause a dissolution of the marriage if they are not handled properly.
Research has shown that bringing these differences to the fore by asking each other questions before you get married can increase the chances that the marriage will work.
When you know what you expect from your partner and from the marriage, and when your beloved knows what to expect from you, you will understand him or her better and that will help you to relate to each other better.
So, here are some premarital Christian counseling questions you may ask your Christian lover as your courtship develops.
His Perspective Of What Marriage Is
Marriage was instituted by Jehovah and He takes a very serious view of how spouses treat each other in a marriage. In Malachi 2: 15, 16, Malachi said, “And what does He (God) desire? Godly offspring. So take heed to yourselves, and let none be faithless to the wife of his youth. For I hate divorce, says the LORD the God of Israel… So take heed to yourself and do not be faithless.” God views marriage as a sacred union that must not be taken lightly, and that must not be broken.
And God’s view of marriage was reinforced in Matthew 19: 4—6 where Jesus asserted that what God has put together, no man must put asunder. The “no man” Jesus talked about includes you, or your girlfriend or boyfriend.
When your lover demonstrates that he or she understands that God takes a very serious view of your future union, and when he or she understands that God hates divorce, he or she is more likely to put in great effort to make the marriage work so that he can give a good account of his stewardship on Judgment Day.
So, here are some questions you should ask your lover:
- Why do you think God created Eve and gave her to Adam?
- Do you see marriage as a sacred union between two people? Or do you think it is just something one can try and, if it doesn’t work, get out of it?
- Do you think God will care about how you will treat me when we get married?
- Will you continue to view our married as a sacred union as we go through the different phases of the marriage?
- Do you think it is good to divorce in the light of the fact that God hates divorce?
- Will you be willing to divorce me for any other reason apart from adultery which Jesus asserted was the only grounds on which one can divorce?
- If for some reason the marriage hits rocks, will you choose that we separate and try to work things out so that we can get back together?
- If we encounter problems somewhere along the line and we are unable to reconcile our differences immediately, will you seek divorce immediately?
Find Out If He Is Intimate With God
An Intimate Relationship With The LORD
The most important advice David gave to his son Solomon after the LORD had informed him (David) that it was Solomon that He wanted to build a magnificent temple for Him, was this, “And you, Solomon my son, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a whole heart and with a willing mind.” (1 Chronicles 28:9).
David informed Solomon that if Solomon wanted to succeed in everything that he did, he was not to trust in his own intelligence, his physical strength, the power of the position he held in society, or the amount of money he had, but he was to trust in the LORD: knowing God would help Solomon to put up a magnificent temple.
In the same vein, when your boyfriend or girlfriend also knows the LORD intimately, he or she will be able to help you build a wonderful and happy marriage to the glory of the LORD: God is love and He teaches those who are close to Him how to love others.
A man or woman who knows God intimately, who understands God’s character and knows that God exercises lovingkindness all the time and wants him or her too to exhibit such qualities, who loves and serves God, who walks closely in fellowship with the LORD, who has a living relationship with the LORD, is more likely to produce the fruits of the Spirit found in Galatians 5: 22. Fruits of the Spirit such as agape love, constant joy, seeking peace with your neighbor, choosing to be patient even under trying circumstances, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control can all help you to relate lovingly to your spouse so that you can have a harmonious relationship.
So, you may ask questions such as these:
- Have you accepted Jesus as your LORD and personal Savior?
- Do you set the LORD before you always? Are you continually aware of God’s presence?
- Do you recognize that God is love?
- Do you realize that God is slow to anger and ready to forgive always? Will you act in that same manner when we marry?
- Will you be willing to make great sacrifices for me, just as God sacrificed His Son Jesus? Will you exercise self-denial when you have to, just to make me happy?
- Will you, like Jehovah, choose to show a settled, controlled displeasure towards with me when I hurt you, instead of ranting and raving?
- Do you consider God as your Father and Friend? Do thoughts about God occupy your mind when you are idle?
- Do you see God as a Father who is always close, or do you see Him as a great Power far away somewhere in the skies?
- Do you seek the LORD early in the morning before you go about your daily activities? Or do you mumble a few words to God when you are tired at the end of the day?
- Do you pray every day and in all circumstances?
- Do you pray only when you are in trouble?
- Do you strive to get to know the LORD better daily? Is it your topmost priority?
- Do you meditate on God’s word often? Do you ruminate on the truths and promises in His word?
- Do you meditate on God’s Personality often?
- Do you draw close to God by meditating upon who He is: pondering His power to create your wonderful body from dust, and how He made us male and female?
- Do you often reflect on the great love He showed to us at Calvary?
Find Out If He Fears Jehovah
The man or woman who fears the LORD will be very careful not to disobey God’s commandments concerning marriage because he or she knows that God judges sin: he will do his best to live a life that is pleasing to the LORD.
It is such a man or woman who will apply God’s principles for a successful marriage found in Ephesians 5:21—33 and Colossians 3:18,19 to the marriage. It is such a man or woman who will choose to remain faithful to his wife or husband when he or she is tempted to have an affair. It is such a man or woman who will control his affections when he sees that he is developing feelings for a coworker. It is such a man or woman who will feel hurt and reconcile with you when he sees that he is not treating you the way he should treat a spouse.
Accordingly, here are some questions you may ask:
- Do you recognize that God is holy? Do you acknowledge that He demands that you live a holy life too?
- Do you delight to obey God’s commandments? Or, do you think His commandments are too hard to obey?
- Do you read God’s word regularly? Do you acknowledge the authority of God’ word and choose to obey it when it conflicts with what man says and what man thinks?
- Do you think God expects too much from us humans?
- Do you try to obey the LORD’s commandments? Do you feel sorry when you break them?
- Do you think that God’s command to us not to commit adultery is for our own good, or do you think He just does not want us to have fun?
- Do you repent immediately you sin against Jehovah and ask for cleansing?
- If God asked you to do something that contradicts popular opinion, and which would make you look unpopular in the eyes of those around you, would you choose to obey God or you will choose to please man?
- Are you willing to forsake your addictions to the pleasures of sin just to make the LORD happy?
Find Out If He Is Idealistic
Many young lovers instead of being realistic and looking at life as it really is, think that there is a quick solution to every problem in life. A man or woman who is too idealistic will not have the patience to work through problems with you when you encounter difficulties in the marriage, or when tragedy strikes your marriage.
On the other hand, a man or woman who shows that he or she acknowledges that there can be interruptions in a marriage, who shows that he understands that frustrations may test your endurance and help you to grow as a couple, and who acknowledges that difficulties may come to challenge you to develop your character is more likely to remain calm under stress and pressure, and he or she is more likely to co-operate with you to solve problems that will come up when you marry.
So, you may ask questions such as these to find out if your lover is too idealistic:
- Are you fond of jumping queues?
- How do you react when you get disappointed?
- What do you do when things don’t go your way in life? Do you get angry and frustrated? Do you sit down, think through the problem, look at all the options before you before you react?
- How will you react when I lose my job?
- What will you do when you discover after we get married that I have bad habits which you were not aware of?
- What will you do if for medical reasons I cannot have sex with you for an extended period of time?
- Will you pack out of the house and go and live with friends or with your parents when we have a really bad fight?
- What will you do if, unfortunately, I suffer a car accident, or if I suffer a domestic accident such as the one that Mr. Rochester suffered in the book “Jane Eyre” which confined him to a wheelchair and made him blind? Will you be willing to continue to show Christian love to me and to develop even stronger love for me, just as Jane Eyre did in that story?
Some premarital Christian counseling questions you can ask your potential husband or wife include trying to find out whether he or she views marriage as a sacred institution, whether the person loves the LORD, or whether the man or woman fears God.
This article looks at some other pertinent questions you need to ask.
Have you ever considered whether your partner is idealistic?
© 2018 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio