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51 Things You're Doing That Is Scaring Men Away

Updated on February 2, 2017

Things You're Doing That is Scaring Men Away

Ever started dating a man only for him to suddenly disappear, just when you think you have a connection and have found your Mr. Right? He stops answering your calls, doesn’t respond to your texts, and even drops you as a friend on Facebook. You are now wondering where you’ve gone wrong. A girl once asked me, in a very emotional manner, that there were plenty of men who pursued her, but they all were quick to disappear. Why? After all it seemed like you two really hit it off and you just can’t imagine what turned him off so fast. You are blindsided by this heartless turn of events and can’t even think of one reason why he hasn’t fallen madly in love with you. The problem is fixable. If you want him to love you, don’t make these mistakes. Learn how to capture his heart and he’ll love you forever; let this be your guide in self-reflecting and self-assessing.

  1. You are gossiper

When you are constantly gossiping, you are showing him that he probably can’t trust you because when he isn’t around you may be talking about him. This also conveys insecurity. If you're bringing down other people, it can give men the impression that you lack confidence in yourself. It's fine to have opinions, but when it's out-rightly criticizing or bitching about other people for no constructive reason, that's not an attractive quality to have.

2. Base your happiness on him

Your happiness is a reflection of your relationships. You´re happy when you´re in a relationship. You´re unhappy when you´re not. You can´t be happy alone, so even if you´re not happy in this relationship, you stay.

3. Over-dependence on him

Your self-confidence is a reflection of your admirers. You feel beautiful when you are admired. You feel special when you are pursued. When there´s no man around, you feel ugly or worthless.

4. Being irrationally jealous

You get easily jealous. This shows buried insecurities and diminishes attraction rapidly. Even if your boyfriend is just checking out at someone across the street, you freak out, accusing him of ogling other girls. Men are attracted to women who have a sense of inner confidence and are generally, secure in themselves.

5. Always demanding for you to be closer

You think he doesn´t love you as much as you love him, so you require him to love you more so as your relationship progresses, you complain that you two aren´t close enough. “Can we just be … closer?”

6. You won’t stop stalking him

You need to know your boyfriend´s every move or you keep accidentally showing up everywhere he is. Guys don’t have to account for every second of their time. No matter how sneaky you think your sleuthing skills are he is going to know you are checking up on him and feel like you leave him no choice but to keep his distance. You may decide to monitor him online. ? If you won’t stop stalking him online he is bound to find out eventually and that will scare him away faster than almost anything else. It won’t be long before you are inquiring about the photos you seen on his page or the female friends he has and that is only going to drive you apart. Don’t send him the message that he needs to try to avoid you. If you two somehow do actually end up in the same location most times, it wouldn’t be as believable if you keep setting it up. The rarer the occurrence, the more believable and exciting it will be when it actually happens naturally. Removing his privacy is a sure way to drive a guy away.

7. You Always Overreact

There's a balance between reacting accordingly to something and blowing it way out of proportion. Keep your emotions in check while still letting him know how you feel. Keep your cool. Some things just aren’t worth the stress. You want him to get to know you and be able to gauge how you really feel about things so don’t overdo it. Everyone has problems in their life, but if you're creating more of them than you're solving, he's going to find someone with a much tamer lifestyle. If you don’t get yourself under control, this will make him feel like you are hard to please and maybe not worth the effort.

8. Being Conceited

It's healthy for you to have confidence. However, some people take that advice a little too far. They have such big heads that they consider themselves superior to others. No guy likes to be bossed around. It makes him feel like he’s not good enough. Even worse, you feel you’re so perfect that it's impossible for you to make mistakes. As a result, you never apologize when you should and will never give others credit for a job well done.

9. Being dishonest

Even if you're an amazing liar, your boyfriend will figure out the truth eventually. When he does, he won't be happy with you. No man will ever trust you if every word out of your mouth is a lie. He'll never be able to believe you when you say you're being faithful to him and that he's the only one for you.

10. Give up your routine for him

You give up your routine when you were single in order to accommodate him. If you were going to gym every after work, you´ll stop going to the gym so you can be with him.

11. You give up your independence

You can´t do things on your own, you can´t go out with your girlfriends or you can´t decide what to do, you always have to wait for him and for his permission. If some girlfriends asks you to go with them for a girls´ night out, you can´t decide until you are sure he doesn’t need you. You stop being the boss of yourself, he becomes your boss. You give away any kind of power you have in the relationship, you become his subordinate, which results to power imbalance.

12. You give up your identity

Your identity is dependent on your relationship. You change all of your views and opinions based on what your current boyfriend likes and doesn’t like. You pretend to love His hobbies. This guy wants to get to know you better not hang around a fake version of yourself that was designed to solely please him. It’s alright to have different interests and hobbies; you can’t possibly have everything in common. You are willing to sacrifice your dignity over having a relationship with him. It doesn´t matter if he has a girlfriend or is married, if he shows interest in you, then you are willing to have a relationship with him.

13. You accompany him wherever he goes

You follow him everywhere even to the gym or to a boxing match. As tempting as it is to want to spend all your time with a new man in your life, it's so important that you keep doing all the things that you love because it makes you a far more interesting and enticing person to be with. Nothing’s going to scare him away faster than demanding he spend all his time with you.

14. You tolerate being a doormat

If he cancels your date, at the last minute without any genuine excuse, you´re so willing to do it tomorrow, same time. If he´s late on your date for over half an hour, you´re willing to wait a little longer even if you’re not comfortable. You don´t leave even when you should. If a man gives you less affection, ignores or abuses you, you complain but you don´t leave.

15. You´re always available

You regularly see him on short notice or when it is convenient for him. You have no life of your own. You often hang out in his place, and would run to his side with a snap of a finger. You don´t do other things outside of him, you spend your entire free time for him. Your whole world revolves around him.

16. You cook an elaborate meal on your first date

Because it is said that, “the way to a’s heart is through his stomach”, you want to impress him with your cooking skills. This is a sign that you are desperate and might give a wrong signal to the guy.

17. You need constant contact

You want to stay in touch all the time. You call and text him several times a day, you leave long messages on his machine, you respond to his emails in less than 2 seconds. Maybe he has a life and has better things to do than text and call you 24/7. If every date ended with a prompt for him to call or text you this will feel like work and may make him want to avoid you altogether. Ultimately he is going to see your number pop up and react as if you are a marketer trying to sell him something that he doesn’t need. Give the guy some space and give him a chance to call you once in a while.

18. Not having any outside interests

Men are attracted to interesting women with passions, hobbies and things to talk about. You can only have these things if you engage in activities and interests outside of the relationship.

19. Being Greedy

If he buys you a rose, and you complain about not getting a diamond, he'll accuse you of being unappreciative. Demanding to go to the most expensive restaurant in town, asking him to dress a certain way and telling him to bring you a specific gift will probably mean the guy runs before the first date even happens. Whenever men perform a romantic gesture, all you have to do is give him a small kiss or be thankful and he'll be happy.

20. You Are Being Too Clingy

You are being too clingy if your guy feels the need to constantly update you on his plans and include you in every single second of his life. Give him some space to decide what he wants to tell you and don’t be too forthcoming with your own plans until your relationship has reached the level where you share these types of things.

21. Expecting the man to pay for everything

If this has not been agreed beforehand and even expecting him to get you home can scare a man off and think he’s wanted for money only. Always offer to pay even if he says no, at least you have offered.

22. You are always trying to read his texts

Stop looking over his shoulder every time he receives a text message or listening in every time he receives a phone call. He knows you are curious about who is texting him and what is being said so if he wants you to know, he will tell you. Don’t look through his phone when he leaves it laying around either, he will not like this and could affect the relationship.

23. Over flirting

You want a guy and try way too hard to flirt. You need nonstop body contact—holding hands, kissing and hugging even in public. You laugh too loud even when he doesn’t make a joke. The guy makes his excuses and leaves as fast as possible.

24. Being possessive

No one wants to date the super possessive girl. Even if you’re dating, you both get to have your own separate lives too. You don´t allow him to spend time with his friends. Give him some guy time or watch him run. You control who he can mingle with. You want his full attention all the time, even if he´s talking to someone, hanging out with the boys, or watching football.

25. You require him to introduce you as his girlfriend to everyone all the time or you introduced him to everyone you know. If the relationship is going well it will eventually get to a place where families and friends are introduced but don’t rush this process. Overtime everyone will get to know each other naturally so don’t go out of your way to introduce him to everyone you know or want to be introduced right away. If the relationship has any longevity at all, this will happen naturally over time.

26. You constantly need reassurance

You keep asking him if he loves you, if he likes your new dress, if he finds you attractive, or if he´s happy with you.

27. Being Materialistic

If he finds out that you are too materialistic, the relationship will not last. You shouldn't care more about your material items than you care about him. If he finds out you'd rather lose him than your iPhone, then he won't stick around for long.

28. Engaging in awkward conversation

When you're in a relationship, you need to give your partner some consideration. Not every conversation will be about you. . If he can’t manage to get a single word in, he’s going to run just to enjoy some peace and quiet. If the guy has to do all the talking, he’s going to try to run away as soon as possible to avoid being bored to death. Remember, you’re supposed to have conversations where both people talk to each other.

29. You fear rejection

You always afraid of rejection so you give up your identity in order to be the woman you think he will love and cherish. You badly need this relationship, so you are willing to bow, stretch and bend backward in order to please him.

30. You are being too negative

Don’t be fond of complaining and finding the negative in your man. Keep the focus on the positive things and try to avoid mentioning the negative when possible. You are being too negative when it comes to the everyday life problems that we all have to deal with. If he is trying to make the best of it and you are stuck in the negative, he is bound to not have a good time.

31. You Expect Too Much Too Soon

Give the relationship time to grow and hold off on high expectations so soon. Let things happen naturally and don’t expect anything in the beginning of the relationship. This is the time to explore your interests and learn about each other. Do your best to hold off on any expectations you may have for the relationship until you have learned a little more about each other and what his expectations for the relationship may be.

32. Giving too much too early

You give everything early in the relationship, without leaving anything for yourself, and hoping to negotiate reciprocity later. Building connection about trusts, but you should avoid giving everything too soon. The relationship should begin on a level that is two people getting to know each other on a more fun and light hearted level, before going to that extent.

33. You’re afraid to loss him

You are attracted to any man who shows interest in you because you´ve been lonely or dejected way too long. You forget your standards, or you have no standards at all. You’re too afraid to lose him, you can´t be happy without him. Men regard such traits as that of a needy girl. Neediness is also a reflection of your self-confidence, security, self-respect and overall happiness. If you have something good, it makes sense that you want to keep it in your life. But sometimes, there is a need to take a step back from the relationship and remind yourself that you are going to be OK no matter what, whether this person is in your life or not.

34. Sharing sexual history too soon

This is a delicate subject, so tread with caution. This conversation can be uncomfortable to most long-term partners, imagine how odd it is to the new guy to be getting grilled about his sexual history after just a few dates. It’s an absolute requirement to have this talk at some point, when you have dated for some time.

35. You’re too desperate

If a man breaks up with you because of your neediness, you do everything to chase him and win him back. But you only come off as desperate, which drives the man even further.

36. You invest too much time & effort on him

You invest too much or exert effort too early in a new relationship, which cuts the chase. Some woman can do everything and anything to please a man, and because she gives everything, she requires the man to reciprocate it. Men want to do the chasing, but if you´re so readily available, it wears off the excitement prematurely.

37. Being Bossy

Some people just want to manage every situation. Remember they have survived this long without you micro-managing them so continue to let them carry on the way they are happy with. If you feel you need to change them from day one then you are probably with the wrong man. Allow a man to also be free to keep doing all the things he loves. As soon as a man feels like he's being restricted from other things in his life that he enjoys, it will put pressure on the relationship and it probably won't be long before he starts to lose interest and want out. A couple thrives most when they allow one another to have a life outside of the relationship.

38. You lose your friends for him

Men are attracted to women who have an active social life. Having friends indicates that you have people in your life who want to spend time with you. That is alluring to a prospective partner. It also shows that friends are important to you and that the man isn't the center of your world. So therefore, he has to put more effort in to get to spend time with you. It also gives you so much more to talk about when you do spend time together as a couple. If women ditch their friends to spend all their time with a man, that can be a real turn off.

39. You give up your career

Giving up your career in order to support him in achieving his dreams or giving him your entire savings, or whatever money you got, to help pay for his house, and live with him and pray that he´ll marry you is senseless. But once he dumps you, you end up penniless and directionless. A healthy relationship should enhance the person you are and not take away from it.

40. You Are Prying Into His Business

There is a fine line between seeming like you are interested in getting to know him better and when you are prying into his business. It’s natural to feel curious about where he came from and what he is doing for a living but don’t let that get so out of hand that he feels like you are going too far. When he take to meet his friends, don’t start asking questions about him when he is out of the room. Be on your best behavior and remember that these are his friends, not yours. Try not to give them any reason to see you in a negative way because they will tell him everything and that especially includes how many times you asked about his ex-girlfriends.

41. You are emotionally dependent on him

You can´t function and be happy without him. You rely heavily on him, which eventually becomes a burden to him. He needs an equal partner who can contribute to the relationship. His mood becomes your mood. If he´s happy, you’re happy. If he´s annoyed, upset, sad or worried, then you´re annoyed, upset, sad or worried, in that order.

42. You want to change who he is

You want to change him to suit your need. That includes changing his appearance, his job, his hobbies and interests, and whatever flaws you think he´s got. He´s no longer your potential partner, but he becomes your project. You’ll be surprised he will escape.

43. Posting your picture on social media all the time

If you just love photography, that’s great. Guys are more than a little uncomfortable when you have to post lots of photos of the two of you in your Facebook, Twitter and Instagram accounts. Your Facebook friends are already fed up with your overly dramatic statuses of how much he loves you or you love him, and how blessed you are to have him. In the contrary, he hardly posts anything in his social media about you.

44. You Are Too Forward

You talk about marriage, children and a future with him too soon. The vast majority of guys don’t want to talk about marriage until they’ve gotten to know you. Sure, it’s perfectly reasonable to want kids. But no guy wants to be sized up for fatherhood at the outset of the courtship. There’s a hint of desperation in bringing up the topic too early. Stop acting as if you have known him your whole life and give him a little space. You will probably scare him away if you are too forward so do your best to back off while not being unapproachable. Let him know that you are interested in getting to know him better but don’t throw yourself at him, men like a little mystery. It’s best to be a little distant if you want to leave him desiring more.

45. You are too nice

If he calls you to pick him up at the airport at 4 am, you jump out of bed to do so. If he has a cough, you spend three hours administering medication. If he wants to renovate his apartment, you abandon everything to organize a team of workers at a discounted rate—all in the name of pleasing him.

46. Meeting his parents

You try too hard to become close to his mom and dad, and his siblings too. You´ll do everything to gain their approval, too soon. You buy them turkey for dinner even if it isn´t thanksgiving. Don’t push, you might come off as desperate and manipulative person, especially within the first few weeks of dating. Parental introductions are a major step. And most dudes are not down for that with just a few dates logged in.

47. Become close to his friends too soon

You become close with his friends too soon. You send friend requests to all his friends in Facebook, and you chat with them like you´re one in their circle. If you go out with a group of his friends and the second he is out of earshot start bombarding his friends with questions.

48. Professing your love

Guys aren’t quite as afraid of commitment as they’d like us to think. Still, it’s scary as hell to hear “I love you” by the first date. No matter how modern you think you are or that you´re a millennial, it´s still strange for a woman to say “I love you” first. It frightens men. Wait just a little before professing your love. Otherwise, he’s going to think you want a commitment he’s not sure he’s ready to give yet.

49. Talking too much about your ex

Knowing a little bit about the ex and why that relationship didn’t work out is healthy and informative but if you´re still in love with your ex and you talk about your ex too much, you won’t be getting a call back. The start of a relationship really isn’t the time to delve deep into that past. If you haven´t done the work of letting go your past hurts, you are going to fill that void from your current partner. You´ll require more from him to fill your emptiness.

50. You compete with his ex

You complete with his ex or with any woman in his life whom you consider a threat to your relationship with him. Once you compete with another woman, you lower your value.

51. You initiate that serious talk early in dating

Even if you´re still on the getting-to-know each other phase, you ask, “So where do I stand with you? Few dates in and you’re changing your Facebook relationship status? When you do finally make it official and decide to label what you two are doing together and actually call it a relationship, don’t broadcast this for everyone to see on your social media pages. It’s great that you are excited but if you update your social media relationship status too soon it could mean the end of the relationship before you get to any of the good stuff. Whilst it's good to know where a relationship is going, it's also wise to let it evolve naturally and not put pressure on a man to commit. Until the two of you sit down and have the talk about being exclusive, he’s not your one and only.

Ever started dating a man only for him to suddenly disappear?

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    • Chuksm profile imageAUTHOR

      Anthony Modungwo 

      2 years ago from Benin

      dashingscorpio, thanks for your comment. I quite agree with you.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago

      Very interesting!

      I'd also add : You're investing time to get to know (him)!

      Too often both men and women are looking for a "shortcut strategy" to apply to an entire gender instead of approaching a mate as an individual.

      One guy might hate "clinginess " and another can't get enough of it.

      Ultimately dating is an interview to determine if your wants and needs line up with who they are and what they offer as well as vice versa.

      The goal is to find someone who wants and loves you for you!

      Thankfully we live on a planet with over 7 Billion people!

      Odds are pretty high that no matter how you are there are bound to be some people who are "into" your type. :)

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!


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