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6 Awesome Ways to Sustain the Love in a Marriage

Updated on June 2, 2017

How to Sustain the Love in a Marriage

Communicating effectively will help  you to sustain the love in a marriage
Communicating effectively will help you to sustain the love in a marriage | Source


Doing your best to sustain the love in a marriage can go a long way to make you happy in the relationship—it can make you feel as if you are in “a heaven on Earth.”

You may be thinking, “Everybody knows that! But with all the challenges one has to face in a marriage daily, is it possible to maintain the affection you have for your spouse?

It is very possible and I am going to show you how in this article.

Make Promises to Love Each Other and Take It Seriously

If you want to sustain the love in a marriage, you must remind yourself every morning that your spouse is more important to you than any other thing in the world. To help you do that, sit together as a couple and write down promises.

Write about 5 or 10 promises that you can remember easily as you go about your daily activities. Type and print it out and keep a copy each. Take it with you wherever you go. Read it whenever you have an opportunity, such as at lunch break, when you leave the house.

The promises will strengthen your commitment to your relationship and your spouse, and it will help you to focus on trying to improve your relationship.

Below is an example of how you can write the promises:

  1. I accept Isaac just as he is and will never compare him to another man.
  2. I shall endeavor to love Isaac more than money.
  3. I shall do my best to make the marriage as interesting as possible.
  4. I shall try to forgive and forget when we have fights.
  5. I shall persevere and continue to work to make the marriage better when I feel like giving up.
  6. I shall have discussions with Isaac when I feel I am falling out of love with him so that we can find ways to get the love back into the marriage.
  7. I shall be patient in the face of any provocation from Isaac and so on.

Evaluate Your Marriage Regularly

At the end of every month do an evaluation of your marriage. Check whether you are doing things that can help to keep the love in the marriage. Discuss whether you are showing affection to your spouse and whether your spouse feels you love him.

If you think you are not showing enough love for each other, discuss why you feel that situation exists and discuss ways you can solve the problems that are preventing you from showing enough love to your spouse.

This exercise will help you to identify shortcomings in your love life so that you can take remedial action to overcome them so that you can sustain the love in the marriage. this is the best way to sustain a relationship!

Table 1: An Example of How to Evaluate Your Marriage for a Month Such as January

Objectives we set for January
What we were able to achieve
Score out of 10
We decided to say “I love you” to each other at least 3 times a day
We said “I love you” only once in a day
4 out of 10. We need to express our love for each other more often.
We made a pledge to each other to kiss at least thrice a day
We kissed thrice every day
10 out of 10. We must sustain this level of affection for each other.
We decided to converse for at least 10 minutes everyday
We conversed for about 5 minutes every day
5 out of 10. We need to make more time for each other

Communicate Effectively

One great tool you can use to sustain the love in a marriage is to communicate in a manner that will help to strengthen the feelings of love your spouse has for you.

Make it a point to communicate how you feel about your spouse every day, and let your spouse tell you how he feels about you. For example when you wake up in the morning, say some words of affection to your spouse. You can say, “Darling, I feel honored to be sleeping beside a fantastic man like you. You are wonderful.” Smile into his face and give him a passionate kiss.

In the evening when you come home from work, tell your spouse how your day went . Then inquire from him how his day went. If his day was bad, give him a hug and say something such as, “It’s going to be alright, honey. I know you are a wonderful worker and you will overcome this challenge. Whatever happens there, always remember I adore you.”

Communicating your feelings regularly will help to stir the feelings of love in your spouse so that he will also desire to show love to you.

Resolve Conflicts Amicably

Conflicts can make you fall out of love for your spouse thereby making it difficult to sustain the love in a marriage. You must therefore do your best to prevent the conflicts that will occur in your marriage from pushing you to the point where you will lose your love for your spouse.

How can you do this?

  • Refrain from insulting in the heat of a fight. State your case forcefully but with respect for your spouse. Say something such as, “I am very angry with you for sleeping with Ama. I will not tolerate such wickedness from you again. If you ever do that again, I will advise myself!” instead of saying something such as, “You foolish man! Is this how you repay me after all I have done for you?” Avoiding insults will make it easier to reconcile later when nerves calm down.
  • Manage your body properly when you are fighting. Do not point fingers, do not shout, and do not hit your spouse. If you feel very angry, take a deep breath and just walk away without uttering a word.
  • Cultivate a forgiving spirit. Think about the fact that your spouse has done some good things for you before and let that help you to let go of hurts. Remember death will part you one day, and so decide to make the little time you have to spend with your spouse on Earth a peaceful one.

Have Frequent "Car Dates."

Having dates often is one way to sustain the love in a marriage. On weekdays, instead of going to a restaurant or having a date night at home, pick up your spouse after work and drive to a secluded, serene spot where you can have privacy. Have your dinner in the car as you talk about silly things and show affection for each other.

Buy food when you close from work, or take along the meal you will eat at this time when you are leaving home in the morning. Spend about on one two hours having this date in the car.

On weekends, you may drive to a park, forest, or to a quiet spot on a highway and have your date in a car there. Spend about two or three hours in each other’s arms talking about how you met, how you started dating, how far you have come in your relationship, things you have learnt about your spouse, romantic things you want your spouse to do for you, and so on.

Fig. 1. How appreciating your spouse can help to sustain the love in a marriage

Appreciate Your Spouse Everyday

Appreciation is another wonderful tool you can use to sustain the love in a marriage. When you appreciate your spouse daily, his soul will be refreshed and it will make him feel good about himself, which will make him more willing to do things to please you, and consequently he will relate to you with stronger affection.

Therefore, appreciating your spouse every day will help to make him sustain his affection for you and this will, ultimately, help to sustain the love in your marriage.

How can you show appreciate to your spouse?

  • Write down every little kind thing your spouse does for you in your diary every blessed day. Read it often. It will make you see what a wonderful person your spouse is and you will be more willing to show appreciation to him.
  • Give little gifts such as kind words or kisses whenever you can throughout the day. Send a text message to your spouse at lunch to say, “Thank you for being such a great husband or wife.
  • Tell your spouse he has a good sense of fashion when the colors of his clothes match.
  • When your spouse smiles at you say, “Your smile is beautiful!”
  • When your spouse laughs at something you say or do, say, “The way you laugh brightens up my day!”
  • When your spouse comes home from work, say, “I am grateful you came back home to me.”
  • Say something such as, “Thank you for helping me to make this house a place where both of us feel proud to belong to,” when there is peace at home.


You must never forget that to sustain the love in a marriage you must communicate with passion, decide to be loyal in any circumstances, and never take little things for granted. It is when you do these things that your spouse will, out of a grateful heart, want to make you happy.

How to Sustain the Love in a Marriage

Do you appreciate your spouse every blessed day?

See results

© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 8 months ago from Philippines

      Nice article. One more thing I would like to add is that marriage is not a feeling, but a commitment. You might not always be in love, but because you made a commitment, you stay in the marriage and wait for love to come back. I think this helps a lot to have happy marriages that last.