6 Tips Before Getting into a Relationship
I have been with my husband for almost ten years. We have certainly had our ups and downs. That happens whenever two imperfect people come together. We both have our own baggage that we have brought into the relationship. It has taken us nearly eight years to deal with only a portion of it. As a mother to three daughters, I have some lessons I want to teach them before they get into a relationship so that they can avoid the mistakes I made. I think that if I had followed all of these tips before meeting my husband, we would've had a lot less bumps in the road. So if you're single and want an intimate relationship, these tips might be helpful.
What quality is most important in a significant other?
1. Know what a healthy relationship looks like. This is important so that you don't become the victim of abuse. No relationship is perfect. There are going to be moments in a healthy relationship that aren't healthy. The key is recognizing this and not allowing it to become a pattern. If you find yourself in a relationship that is more dysfunctional than it is healthy, you may want to consider ending it. If you aren't sure what an unhealthy relationship looks like, check out my article about the warning signs of domestic violence. If you are in an abusive relationship, leave immediately. You can get help by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Or visit their webpage at thehotline.org
2. Make a list of what you want. Don't expect Prince Charming, but have some standards. Make a list of qualities you want in your significant other. When the right person comes along, they should meet a majority of those qualities. If they don't, don't settle. Again, don't be super picky because no one is perfect. Be aware of what qualities are most important to you. For me, had I made a list before I met my husband it would have included: compassion, respectful, sense of humor and a man of God. Fortunately for me, these are all qualities that my husband possesses.
3. Don't think that you can fix them. Let's say that you skipped tip #2 and settled for someone who didn't meet your standards. You will be only hurting yourself (and potentially them) if you imagine that you can change them. You are only capable of controlling yourself. No one else. If you try to manipulate them into your perfect significant other, you need professional help. Certainly, there should be healthy growth encouraged within a relationship. My husband pushes me to be a better person and I do the same for him, but that comes from a place of unselfish love. Taking this a step further, if you're in a relationship where you have been put in charge of the other person's emotional and mental well-being, you need to encourage them to get professional help. Unless you are a trained therapist, you do not have the skills to help them cope with their issues. And it isn't fair of them to expect that from you.
4. Learn to love yourself. If you get into a relationship with poor self-esteem, it is going to wreak havoc. You need to know that you are worthy of love just the way you are, flaws and all. If you can't love yourself, how are you going to be able to love another person with all of their imperfections? Learning to love yourself is an ongoing process, something that I still struggle with today. But find three things about yourself that are positive and embrace those qualities. When you have confidence in who you are as an individual, it will help you be a much better person in a relationship.
5. Have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For me, this is the most important tip. No person is capable of perfectly meeting all of your needs. Except for Jesus. He can fill that hole in your heart that you feel. No other person or thing can do that. Trust me, I've tried. His example of real love not only helps you realize what is healthy or unhealthy, but He also helps you love yourself. The bible is a perfect place to find a list of qualities you should look for in a significant other. (Don't believe me? Check out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8). If you pursue a relationship with Jesus you will find that you are better able to love others. If you aren't sure how to have a relationship with Jesus, I suggest you check out the bible verses at the bottom of this article and then try to find a local biblically-based church that can help you grow in your faith.
6. Finally, be patient. If you're single, don't rush into a relationship simply so that you aren't single anymore. That is a recipe for disaster, my friend. Nine times out of ten, getting into any relationship too fast and with the wrong motives, will only end up in heartache. Make sure that you have your priorities in order before becoming intimate with another person. It might seem frustrating or that you're going to be alone forever, but when the time is right, these things will happen naturally. Avoid the regret that comes with bad relationship choices. You'll be glad that you waited.
I hope that this has proven informative and helpful. If you are currently in a relationship, what advice would you give to single people? Leave it in the comments, below. Finally, don't forget to check out the bible verses at the bottom.
If you want a relationship with Jesus, check out these verses:
- Romans 3:23 (Everyone has sinned)
- Romans 6:23 (The price of sin is death)
- John 3:16 (God has sent us a savior)
- Romans 10:9 (Confess with your mouth & believe in your heart)