- Gender and Relationships
7 Healthy Attitudes to Make Your Relationships Infinitely Happier
During the past few years of my existence, I’ve changed a lot of perceptions about life and people in general, and hopefully, the process will continue. I’ve let go of certain old beliefs that were obviously detrimental to my growth, and embraced certain new beliefs which I believe are positive.
Based on all the books and articles I read, all the friendships I had, and all the people I met, I’ve found that there are certain attitudes which are super healthy when it comes to dealing with people or being in relationships. I’m not talking specifically about a certain type or category of relationship. The attitudes I’ve listed below can be applied positively to any kind of major relationship, whether it be friendship, romantic relationship, or family relationship. I do not claim to know it all, but I can say with confidence that if you really embrace the attitudes, and remember to use the same, you will have a much better time dealing with people and surviving relationships with joy in your heart and smile on your face. Let's start:
1. People change, and that’s totally alright and acceptable
There was a time when if any of my friends changed, or just seemed to change, I had a very hard time dealing with it. But nowadays, I’m totally fine with it. Change is good. If there was no change, life will probably be stagnant. If you look back 3 or 5 years from now, I’m pretty sure that you’ll be surprised how much you have changed since then during this short period of time. The same thing applies to other people too. So if a friend has changed and does not seem too interested in you anymore, do not get all accusatory. He/she probably has a good reason for it. It just means that the person is growing through life and assessing and adjusting his/her understanding of the world on a frequent basis. It is hard to let go of someone you are close with, but if you accept that change is alright, the process becomes a hundred times easier. Moreover, If you accuse someone for changing, you are actually accusing yourself, because at certain points in life in the past, knowingly or unknowingly, you changed drastically too.
2. People ignoring you just means that they don’t like who they think you are
If someone rejects your invitation to a party, or you want to meet up and he/she declines it, it doesn’t always mean that you are unworthy. What it does mean, however, is that during the limited time you had spent with that particular friend, girlfriend or whatever, what you showed didn’t appeal to the person much. The person is not rejecting you as a whole, he/she is just rejecting the tiny part he/she witnessed of you. More often than not, if someone doesn’t seem to like you, it just means that he/she doesn’t like who he/she thinks you are, not who you actually are, because honestly, you cannot know a person completely in even 100 years (which is attitude number 3, by the way).
3. You cannot know someone 100%, that's good
We as human beings, for some odd reason, yearn to know everything about the people we are close with in life. But you see, that’s never really possible. You cannot know a person every inch you desire to know, because to tell you the truth, you do not know even yourself that well, and the same goes with the person in question. You may think that you know everything there is to know about a person after 10 or 20 years of knowing each other, but then, the same person may do or say something which will alter your perceptions completely, and leave you in utter shock, awe or surprise. So do not even try to know someone 100%, because that way, you’ll be dissatisfied with life pretty quickly. Besides, it will be quite boring to know someone completely, because occasionally, little surprises are what keep life fresh.
4. Some people just won’t value you, that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy or they’re shallow
Sometimes, we may like to get close to someone as a friend, a partner or whatever else, but the person may not return the same interest. Although it is natural for us to want a person we like to like us and adore us back, it does not always happen. But you see, that’s not a bad thing at all. Seldom it has anything to do with your worthiness. Mostly, it is just that you two might have different priorities, views and personalities, so the connection that actually is supposed to happen does not happen. For instance, if you are an accountant, and you like a girl who is a writer, the way you two think about things or view the world will differ by a large margin, and that may be the reason why you two cannot really co-exist. So do not blame yourself in case someone doesn’t seem interested in you for whatever reason. I’m not saying that you stop improving yourself, in fact, if you think or know that there is something you need to change or improve about yourself, by all means do it. But apart from that, do not sweat it too much.
5. People will show you only certain traits, not every trait they possess
One of the facts in life is that we all act in different ways with different people. The way you talk and act with your best friend is far from the way you do those things with your parents or your teachers. At any point of time, it is safe to assume that there are personality traits of someone close to you about which you are unaware of, even if you’ve known that person for a number of years. It is just the way we work. The same girl may be super friendly with one of her classmates, somewhat reserved with her parents, and totally distant with some guy she knows for years. I guess what I’m saying is that, do not be surprised with the number of different ways a person can surprise you, even though certain surprises may actually prove to be major shocks.
6. The idea of control is an illusion, and not worth it
It is common for people to try to control each other, particularly in relationships, but that isn’t the healthiest thing to do. You can try to control someone all you want, and you may even believe that you are succeeding, but in fact, you are not. You cannot make a person behave in a certain way, you cannot make a person act in a certain way, and you absolutely cannot make a person think in a certain way. The reason is that when you force someone to do something without his/her will, you actually give way for resentment to grow in that person’s heart and mind. I’ve done it in the past, and believe me, it is one of the ugliest things for both the persons involved. The best thing you can do is accept whoever it is wholly without judging. You may eventually suggest change, but you cannot force change. Let me repeat, you absolutely cannot force change. The best way, in my opinion, is to assess every person you meet deeply enough before getting too close, and get close only once you decide for certain that even after a few years down the road, you can live with the person you know he/she already is without the need for any major change later.
7. Most people are replaceable, and sometimes it's okay to replace
I know what you are thinking! You think I’m an asshole, don’t you? But do not be so quick to judge, wait a bit, just listen to me first. Yes, I do believe that most people are replaceable, and no, I’m not an asshole. The reason I believe that is because that happens to be the case very often. I’ll tell you what I mean with an example. Let us assume that you are a guy and you have a really good girl pal. You’ve known her since kindergarten, and you two are inseparable during your school years. But then, when you become adults and move to different colleges, your friends change and your life changes! Your friendship with her doesn’t seem to remain the same either. You two are not able to meet as frequently as you used to do, and the friendship fades bit by bit. Even though it hurts at first, eventually, you get used to your new environment. Now, maybe a month or two after you join college, you find another girl, who talks just like her, who has pretty similar life views too, and is quite comfortable with you as well. You quickly become very good friends with this new girl, and although you do not completely stop contacting your kindergarten friend, you don’t really feel that connection anymore. You feel it with the new girl who is exactly like your previous friend! That’s what I’m talking about, and that’s what I’ve seen to be a fact of life. You see, people are replaceable, even though that doesn't sound too great! Same goes with two people in a relationship too. I'm not saying that you should let go of a friendship or relationship easily without doing everything in your power to keep it alive, far from it! What I'm trying to say is that almost always, it is not the person we are attached with but his/her actions and views, and most importantly, the feelings he/she can create inside us. So in case a friendship or relationship doesn’t work out even after you try really hard to preserve it, do not automatically assume that you’re doomed, and that you lost the most amazing person you could ever have. Don’t underestimate the vastness of the world. Because you know what? Life probably has better plans for you!
So that’s it for now. I do not know whether you think these attitudes are healthy or not, but the best thing about each of these attitudes is that if you wear it with care, both you and the other person will be happy. So it is a win-win scenario for both!
Do you agree that most of these attitudes are healthy?
If you think that embracing any of the above attitudes can make someone’s life a tiny bit better and happier, and you know a person or two who will be somewhat uplifted after reading this post, be sure to share it with them! :)