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7 Smart Ways to Prevent the Divorce from Happening
How to Prevent the Divorce
Your husband or wife may have cheated on you, abused you verbally or physically, or neglected you and as a result you want a divorce. Maybe, you are just bored with the lack of excitement in the marriage, or you are attracted to someone you have met at the office. You may be torn between staying in the marriage and getting a divorce, at this moment.
Or, your spouse may not be happy about the marriage and is considering getting a divorce.
What can you do to prevent the divorce from happening?
Think About the Fate of the Children
One thing you can do to prevent the divorce from happening is to consider what may happen to the children when you decide to go through with the divorce. Ruminate on the possible impact it will have on the psychology and emotions of your children and how it will affect their schooling and their relationships.
Don’t forget that a divorce can adversely affect the development of your children—there are many examples of children who took to bad habits such as smoking, drinking, or taking drugs after their parents divorced, or who started to hate their parents because they did not stay together.
If you have entered another relationship or you are considering getting remarried, consider the possibility that your new lover may not like your children and may mistreat them. This may make you decide to postpone the divorec for a while and give your spouse a second chance.
Another thing you can do is to get in touch with children whose lives have been affected by the divorce of their father and mother. Identify about three of such children and visit them. Talk to them and learn how the divorce has affected their lives, what it has cost them (in terms of how they miss their father and mother being together), and you may rethink your decision to divorce your spouse.
Think About the Impact It May Have On You
There are many benefits you are getting from your spouse which you may lose if you decide to divorce him or her. Some of these benefits are:
- You receive financial help when you need it.
- Your husband or wife satisfies you sexually.
- Your spouse shares his or her space and time with you, which prevents you from being lonely.
- You have a companion you can share your feelings and desires with, and before whom you are not afraid to be silly in front of.
- You have a protector or inspirer.
You may lose all, or some, of these benefits if you go through with the divorce. Think seriously about what you may lose when you divorce your spouse, and whether it is worth it to go ahead with the divorce.
Visit friends who have gone through a divorce, or ask your family members who have been through a divorce how it affects you emotionally, and the psychological pain and trauma you go through when you divorce your spouse.
Let these people tell you how badly it has affected them, and what they have lost since their divorce. Digest this information and think about it seriously. It may make you see that the negative impact of the divorce on your life may in the end far outweigh the negative situation in your marriage which is making you consider a divorce, and that may motivate you to try to persevere and take steps to try and fix your marriage.
Work On Your Perspective of Life
If you have already started another relationship, remind yourself of the fact that the other person is not an angel and so can behave in the same way your spouse is behaving, which in the end means you may not have escaped the habit or behavior you are trying to avoid after all.
In other words, this other person can also become unfaithful to you, if you want a divorce because your spouse cheated, or this new lover can also neglect you, if you want a divorce because your spouse does not give you attention. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side, and trying to solve whatever issue may be pushing you out of the marriage can help you to make the grass greener in your marriage.
Therefore, make up your mind you will stay in the marriage so that you can help your spouse to be the kind of partner you want him to be. Remind yourself of the happy moments you have shared in the past, and let that give you confidence that once the marriage has worked before, there is a possibility that you can be happy in the marriage again. Tell yourself that the crisis in the marriage is a challenge you can overcome. Say words such as, “I will stick to the fight. I won’t give up. I will persevere and I know I will win. I won’t divorce and I will do my best to prevent the divorce from happening,” to yourself every day to motivate you to have the right mentality.
There are two kinds of decisions to take in life: those that are expensive to change and those that are not expensive to change.
We live in a world today that wants problems solved now. We want three-minute porridge, thirty minute dry-cleaning, and instant success. However, we must realize that some problems need patience and perseverance to resolve.
No matter how bad the situation, try to exercise a little bit of patience. Do not take a hasty decision which you may regret later. Consult as widely as you can so that you can get ideas on what you can do to solve the problem that is making you consider the divorce. Get the input of people as to what to do to change the situation.
Human beings are stochastic by nature: we change our minds. You may have a change of mind as you listen to the views of the people you consult during the period of consultation. This period will also give you some time to think again about the whole situation and you may get ideas that will make you see there is a way to prevent the divorce.
Seek the Help of Others
If your spouse does not want to co-operate with you to try and solve the problem, then:
- First of all, consult his or her closest friend, someone he or she trusts and respects a lot, and who you know he or she will find it difficult to say no to. Let that person talk to your wife or husband and let your spouse know you don’t want a divorce. They could use their influence over your wife or husband to make him or her see that they are better off continuing with the marriage.
- If that effort fails, then let the father and mother of your spouse, together, talk to him or her. Let them remind your spouse of why they agreed to let you marry your spouse, which is because they felt he or she would make you happy. Let them praise your spouse for the efforts he has made in the past to make you happy. Tell them to let your spouse know that you think there are happier days ahead for the two of you so he or she should not abandon the ship. Sometimes it takes the intervention of parents to make a spouse see that all is not lost.
- Get a divorced person to share his or her experiences with your spouse. Let this man or woman let your spouse see what he or she is missing as a result of his or her divorce, and how they wish they were married again. It may make your spouse see that he or she is privileged to be married, which may make him or her reconsider their actions and do their best to prevent the divorce.
- Let your children make an emotional appeal to their father or mother not to go ahead with the divorce. Prior to that, let them understand the issues at stake, how they will be affected if there is a divorce, and your desire to prevent the divorce and its potential consequences. Your spouse may consider his or her love for the children and what a divorce may do to them and this may cause him or her to re-negotiate or try to settle differences, and possibly change his or her mind about getting a divorce, which will prevent the divorce from happening eventually.
Give Your Spouse Another Chance
If you want the divorce because your spouse is exhibiting a bad habit or behavior, make up your mind to give your spouse a last chance. Remind yourself that people do change, and also remind yourself of people who others had given up on but who changed. Read or watch the stories of such people. It will give you hope that something can be done about the behavior of your spouse, which will serve as a source of motivation to make you give your spouse another chance.
Listen to the stories of people who nearly divorced but saved their marriage at the last minute. Take inspiration from such stories and let it make you see that there is still hope for your marriage. This will make it easier for you to give your spouse another chance.
Remind yourself of the times your boss has given you another chance at work when you did not perform up to expectation or the times your parents gave you another chance when you messed up as a boy or girl. In that same way, try to be magnanimous towards your spouse and give him another opportunity to make amends.
With God all things are possible. God is able to change very terrible situations. He turned around the sever famine in Samaria, where a woman ate her own baby because of hunger, and provided abundant food later. Therefore refuse to believe that nothing can be done about your marriage and that divorce is the best option, and try God if you have done everything humanly possible to prevent the divorce.
Send a heartfelt prayer to God. You could pray a prayer such as, “Dear Father, I am in a crisis. My marriage is on the rocks and I am not happy about it. I am not happy in this marriage (or my spouse is not happy in this marriage), but I don’t want it to end in a divorce. In spite of all that is happening, I still love Isaac. God, I know you have the power to change people, and to turn bad circumstances around. Please intervene in this marriage and help prevent the divorce from happening. Father, Isaac is thinking of a divorce. Please turn Isaac’s heart around so that he will desire to co-operate with me to fix this marriage. And please help me to correct my mistakes and change my attitude so that Isaac will be happy in this marriage. I know you can do all things and I am looking to you to help bring the turnaround and prevent this divorce from happening. Thank you for answering my prayer. Amen.”
God will honor your prayer and work on the heart and mind of your spouse so that he or she will change his or her attitude towards the marriage and towards you.
When You Are Able to Prevent the Divorce
Do constant monitoring of the marriage so that you do not get to the point where you will consider getting a divorce ever again. To do this, make a marriage sustainability table and fill it every week.
In this table, write down the activities you do together to try and bond well as a couple, the challenges you face weekly in your attempt to strengthen the marriage, your main achievements, and areas you still need to work on so that you can track your progress, and take steps to remedy the situation when you realize you are slipping back into habits and the patterns of behavior which sent you to the brink of divorce.
An Example of a Marriage Sustainability Table
Activities We Engaged In
Difficulties We Faced
First week after we decided to stay together.
We conversed for ten minutes.
I still find it difficult to trust Isaac and so I was quiet for most of the time. Isaac did most of the talking.
Second week after we decided to stay together.
We chatted for one hour. We later played soccer together.
I am learning to trust Isaac again but I just cannot come around to give my body to him yet. I have heard he is spending a lot of time with Ama (the woman he cheated with) again.
Sixth week after we decided to stay together.
We showed signs of affection for each other. We made love thrice this week.
We had fights over Isaac’s late arrival at home after work. I decided not to cook for him because of that.
When You Are Able to Prevent the Divorce
Make one and let your partner do likewise. At the end of every week, compare your tables, paying particular attention to the column about the problems you still have to solve. Deal with the issues your spouse raises in that column. Also, make time for each other so that you can bond, build your trust for your spouse again, and it will prevent your marriage ever deteriorating again.
How to Prevent the Divorce
Will you go to any length to prevent a divorce if your marriage is not working?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio