- Gender and Relationships
7 Steps To Living A Victorious Single Life
There is an old saying, which says, "Every cloud has a silver lining". The Bible similarly says,
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
In short, the message that both quotes are conveying is that no matter how dark, bad or distressing a situation may be, there is always hope at the end of the tunnel. When you are in a situation of despair, it may appear as if it will never end, but in reality, nothing lasts forever. There is always an end point to every negative situation we find ourselves in.
A person can choose to wallow and drown their sorrows in the situation or decide to turn around their predicament and become victorious.
The Webster dictionary describes joy as:
"…an emotion evoked by well being, success or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires
The key message from this definition is that joy is the by-product of a positive attitude.
It has been said that our attitude determines our altitude or climb in life. Equally it determines our outlook on life. When a single person is able to view their singleness in a positive way, they are on their way to living a victorious single life.
There are many positive aspects of single life which are sometimes overlooked if there is a fixation on the negative issues surrounding singleness.
It is important to acknowledge that the road to a victorious single life is a process. If a single is truly going to be victorious, there are certain steps they need to take in order for this to happen.
1. Experience the joy of knowing the Lord
When a single person knows Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour, and He is the centre of their decision making in life, it makes the difference. Believers in God enjoy the privileges of His peace and joy. The principles contained in His word guide their daily living and give them a resource from which to make decisions about single issues or indeed understand the situations they may find themselves in. Through the Bible, God can guide them in their relationship with others - what is right, just and fair in life.
2. Live a life of purpose
Each person has been called to fulfil an assignment on earth. When a person knows what it is, their life becomes purposeful because they know what they want out of life, why they want it and how they are going to achieve what they want.
It cannot also go without emphasising, that a life of purpose is based upon being grounded in God's Word. It is important for a single person to develop their spiritual life.
3. Have the right attitude
Proverbs 15:13 says,
"A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken."
There is a tendency - when there is a delay in finding a partner - for single people to begin feeling sorry for themselves. This can even lead to depression. It is far better for the single person to view their singleness in a positive way, having absolute faith in God. God's Word is unchanging, as long as trust is placed in Him, He will give peace to everyone who casts their cares, worries and burdens on Him.
Additionally, if the person has the right attitude, they will enjoy a rich life.
4. Hear from others
One of the best ways to learn how to be successful is to sit at the feet of others who have travelled the journey you are on or about to embark upon. Hearing from others can be a short cut to success because you are able to learn or gain insight on how they became successful. Conversely, you are also able to learn from their mistakes. A single should look to their pastor, leader, parents or people with a testimony to gain such valuable lessons of life. Proverbs 15:22 says,
"Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established."
5. Get busy
There is a saying that states: "The devil finds work for idle hands". When a person is not busy, their focus can turn from being on external issues to an internal focus. Where the internal focus is positive, it will result in a review or audit of one's life. Alternatively it can turn into a negative spotlight on all that is going wrong in a person's life. Balance of course is needed. A person can go to the other end of the spectrum and become so busy in an attempt to cover up the absence of a partner in their life. A middle ground should be found.
6. Learn to relax
It is important to enjoy life on the way to where you are going. Part of the process to obtaining victory is the ability to be able to "chill out", and build positive relationships. In other words, "get a life!" A good life based on godly principles. It is important to go out with friends and enjoy companionship of others and also to spend time with the family.
7. Make the changes you need to make
Progress cannot be made in a person's life unless the individual, out of their own volition desires to make changes to the things which are either not working for them or causing them discomfort or pain. An individual needs to firstly recognise what they dislike. Secondly, understand the underlying reasons for the need to make the change. And thirdly, face the issues and make the necessary changes.
In making the changes, the single person may need to jettison some of the baggage they have been carrying over the years. This may take the form of bitterness, anger, holding on to things given by a previous partner, and emotional games played etc.
Indeed, part of the healing process for an emotionally disturbed single person who has encountered abusive relationships would be to close the doors on such people in order to move away from what has caused pain; thereby allowing a healing process to start.
Another factor that the single person may need to take into consideration in the process towards being victorious is to repent. To repent of ways they may have treated another person in a relationship they may have had in the past. Additionally to repent of negative thoughts they may have had.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9
Repentance of past wrongs is very powerful and a necessary step to make for a single person who wants to triumph on Singles Street.
Equally important is the ability for the single person to be able to forgive and release those who have hurt them in their past.
The Bible says,
"Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled."
Where bitterness has entered into the heart of an individual, they are unable to receive or give love in a pure way because every interaction will be tainted by the bitterness they have in their heart. Forgiveness is an important key to living a victorious single life.
Finally, when a single person has taken these steps in their process to victory, the last step they need to make is to just rest in the confidence of knowing God will always do what is best for them.
God is faithful.