- Gender and Relationships
7 Things Couples do too Soon
© 2012-2014 Katina Davenport
Everyone is looking for that special someone, a soul mate even. Many will spend a lifetime trying to find love, usually in all the wrong places. What happens when you think you have found the one you want to share your life with? Do you take it slow or head down the aisle in the same week? Many couples find themselves on both ends of the extreme, either they move too slow or move too quickly. I, like many couples, have been guilty of taking relationships too fast only to crash and burn months later. Here are 7 things that couples do too soon in relationships.
The number one thing that gets couples into trouble is sex. A study done my Dean Busby of Bringham Young University's School of Family Life, reported 40 percent of couples had sex within one or two dates. That is too much too soon. Sex was originally intended for marriage. That may sound old fashioned, but it is true. Having sex too soon can essentially ruin the relationship. It skews judgement for not ending relationships when things go wrong. Sex has the power to keep a woman in an abusive relationship.
In today's society casual sex is more of a norm than an alternative lifestyle. Living in a society that is on sexual overdrive creates a bigger issue for those wanting to wait until marriage. Everything a person sees on TV or hears around them is screaming SEX. Eventually that person may give in to temptation. This scenario is not true for everyone; nonetheless, sex is a bonding experience that is to be shared by husband and wife.
Couples are living together, having sex, and trying out marriage. Studies have shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to be divorced. Living together is not true security because your significant other could leave at any time. There is nothing to solidify the relationship. As the old saying goes "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
The CDC reports 2,077,000 marriages took place in 2009.  Among those millions were the sprinters, the fast movers, the couples that got married too soon. Some of them crashed and burned, contributing to the divorce rate in America.
Marriage is honorable, especially when two people are mature enough to handle the work it takes to be married and stay happy. Although you can't really judge the right time for a couple to be married, still you can clearly see couples that may be rushing or have too many negative issues in their relationship. Then it would be appropriate to wait for marriage until issues are worked out. There is nothing worse than to marry someone only to find out that you should not have married them in the first place.
Children are a blessing and a gift. They can truly enrich your life. I don't advocate having children outside of marriage and I don't advocate abortion. I am an advocate of self-control. I know of a young lady that got pregnant the first week of dating a gentleman. She went on to have her baby and so did two other women that year by that gentleman. Making smarter choices like abstinence will keep you from the struggles of single parenthood and from the headaches of child support.
Sharing Your Social Security Number
Never share your personal information with anyone you are dating or think you will be marrying. This falls in line with living together before marriage. When you are willing to cohabitate you have a tendency to let your guard down and expose your social security number, bank information, credit card statements because you are now joining resources. This can lead to identity theft and unwanted legal judgements against you if you so happen to have a companion that is willing to steal. You can never be too careful.
If you are a single parent and dating, introducing your child to your new boyfriend or girlfriend is not only unadvisable, but could be emotionally damaging to the child. If the child has attachment issues they can feel abandoned if you have to break up with you partner. Also, it is important to know if the person you are dating likes children or has a pedophilia problem.
Combining finances, even asking or borrowing money as a couple too soon could end in one crying foul if the relationship ends. I would save this part of the relationship for marriage. The end result could be bad feelings, loss of thousands of dollars, or trying to recoup money already given.
Here is my advice. Love with your heart, but love smart. Learn to never allow emotions to dictate actions you would have never allowed yourself to do in normal situations. If you see yourself in any of these situations consider making changes that will enhance your life.