7 Things I Will Never Say to My Wife
"viewing a love behind the veil of pain"
When people marry, a number of things happen. Silently, but surely, "changes," begin to creep in and take ahold of the marital partners as if "changes" were playing the roles of Ninja assassins.
And honestly, in some sad cases, they are assassins. The martial partners change so much that neither can absorb just how much the other one has grown-away from them, and that's when dark clouds begin to collect.
I speak from experience on this one. And now as I write this, I am completely-aware that "I" am not writing from an isolated area of life where only "changes" in my marital life only happen to me. I am not that much of a fool.
In short, I have been married to my wife, Pam, for 37 years. I've said this in past hubs, "I" was "most of the problems," we endured over the early years together. Just wanted to prove that not all men are prone to "pass the buck" of responsibility to another person. I live everyday with the bad memories of the things I've done and said to Pam, both in heated-voice, and civil.
Some things, not worth repeating while other things need to remind me of just how far along that I'm not in marital experience.
Then a few days ago, I made myself a list to view as a goal to achieve if we stay together as our minister said at our wedding, "til' death do us part." I like making lists. They can, if followed, be very beneficial.
This particular list involves my mind, tongue and lips all working in harmony as the particles of time slowly come and go as we live together, grow together and rediscover whom we are in this marriage and hopefully, "I" won't be the "butt" of any problems like I caused in our early years.
Okay. My list is this: "Seven Things I Will Never Say to My Wife," and don't go getting all self-righteous, my male readers. "oh, Kenneth, you are not perfect," you grumble. And your grumble is right. Plus noted. I am not perfect. I "might" slip in a moment of anger and break one of these things on this list that means to much to me. I am human after all.
FYI: Pam doesn't know about this list. If she did, I would be in hot water for she despises being in the public eye. That never bothered me in the least. But I will try to keep you updated as the months roll by to let you share in my progress, or console me in my failure.
1.) "can't you be like 'Donna,' the girl I was dating when I met you?" This is pure blasphemy against the union of marriage. Plus causes sudden, deep-rooted hurt in the martial partner who hears this deadly question. I have done and said very-stupid (and immoral) things when I was younger, but dear God, help me to never say this to my wife.
2.) "it wouldn't hurt if you chose to lose some weight." I married Pam not for her weight advantage or handicap. She and I became good friends first--and never judged each other. To say something as mean-spirited as this would definitely rate high on my personal "Stupid Things Men Say" list, and I sure don't want that kind of limelight.
3.) "I can't take a joke, eh? I've taken this marriage for years." A great way for me to start a new life, alone, at age 58 and talk about tough. This is the toughest road to walk, so I've been told. Bad or good, "I" made a vow, a commitment to Pam before God 37 years ago, and know what? God expects me to try my best to honor that vow even with my human frailties.
4.) "just let me have all weekend to hang out with my friends." First of all, I haven't any married or single male friends who want to get out of range of our homes and "hang out," and for what, wasting time? I can do that by myself. I do not desire all-weekend "booze fests," with my buddies who used to drink, so that pretty much wraps it up. I am the happiest recluse you ever met. And talk about a thrill. When Pam says, "want to head to the Huddle House for a bite?" I get a big thrill from this question. And to spend some time with her.
5.) "you call this a Christmas gift?" Gift or no gift, I never demanded "any" gifts for any occasion in our marriage, so why would I allow my human ignorance kick-in and say something like this? It doesn't matter if I don't get a gift at Christmas 2012 and beyond. Just having a good companion like Pam is more than I deserve.
6.) "where do you think you are going?" When we married, I told Pam that, "you are not a piece of furniture or breed of livestock. There is a world of difference in a marriage license and a bill of sale." Pam has a mind of her own. A much-more sensible mind that I have. I know this for a fact. And I respect her, and trust her with my life. I think I've made my case.
7.) "wish I was out of this marriage." That one sentence would cause Pam so much pain and torment that I truly believe that God Himself would send a sharp lightning bolt with my name on it to strike me down to the ground. Friends, I may look and sometimes act stupid, but not that stupid. Besides I am slower than His lightning anyway.
Updates to follow.