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7 Ways You Guys Can Make Grocery Shopping a Fun-filled Adventure

Updated on March 26, 2015
This couple must have found a great sale on groceries
This couple must have found a great sale on groceries | Source

Short and sweet

I will not take long. I promise.

And as a clarification, this piece is not meant in any way, to put women of the 1950s in any comical or disrespectful light. It is just that in the 50's, women went grocery shopping while their husbands worked. Blame it on the social dictations of that era, not me.

Here are some amazing facts that I want to share about my early encounter with the biggest thing in my life: Grocery shopping.

Read, but do not drool
Read, but do not drool

Personal grocery facts:

  • Going with my parents to buy groceries was the highlight of my week. I loved it, when I was allowed to go inside the huge grocery store with my mom. Usually, I was made to stay in the car. Now for the sadness. I was never told why I was never allowed to go with my mom to grocery shop. The only thing I can assume is that I was way too much trouble for my mom to select the right foods and keep me out of trouble.
  • The first huge supermarkets in my hometown were: Piggly Wiggly and The Yellow Front. Both were like stepping inside a circus tent. Each trip to these needed-stores provided something new to see.
  • If the manager or employee of one of these supermarkets liked you, (talking about me), you could walk-out with a free piece of Double Bubble bubble gum or a Tootsie Pop. No kidding, folks.
  • I loved the clean smell of the supermarket. In 2015 I have been in some of these grocery stores and stepped in some sticky goo on the floor and almost ruined a good shoe.
  • When my wife and I were first married, I loved to go grocery shopping. Now years later, I hate it. I guess being questioned over and over by the same people about my two incurable diseases, Fibromyalgia and Neurothopy are and how did I "got them," got old quick.

This is amazing. A guy dressed like Desi Arnaz, and his wife wearing a mink? To buy groceries?
This is amazing. A guy dressed like Desi Arnaz, and his wife wearing a mink? To buy groceries?

Guys, get ready to learn

Enough about me.

Now it's time for me to appeal to other married guys who also hate the weekly-trip to spend a lot of money just to buy food.

I feel for you, guys. And I not only understand your hatred for this task, but can help you deal with grocery shopping with things that are free and do not involve drinking huge amounts of beer and staying gone all wekend with the guys.

Are you ready to turn grocery shopping into a thrilling adventure? Okay. Let's take a look at these

NOTICE:

If you decide to use one or all of these tips, just know . . . that I, in no way, am responsible for any cursings, beatings, threats, or public embarrassment due to the recipient(s) responding in with anger instead of a smile and hearty laugh.

And I ask you in a humble way . . . do not use my name if you do use these tips.

Thank you,

Kenneth

Early Piggly Wiggly supermarket
Early Piggly Wiggly supermarket
Typical supermarket scene in the 1950s and 60's
Typical supermarket scene in the 1950s and 60's
Ladies, what is wrong with this photo?
Ladies, what is wrong with this photo?

7 Ways You Guys Can Make Grocery Shopping a Fun-filled Adventure

WALK BEHIND -- your wife in the grocery store and do exciting dance steps. Stop when she turns to ask you about this or that item.

ALMOST STUMBLE -- into another customer's grocery cart. The customer will get a moment of excitement and the monotony will be broken.

CARRY A SMALL -- bar of hand soap with you when you and your wife shop for groceries. Upon encountering another customer with a squeaky wheel, tell them to wait for a minute while you apply the soap to that one annoying squeaking wheel. It works. And you have not just helped a stranger, but kept yourself awake.

LEARN SOME SUPER-EASY -- magic tricks. Stop customers while grocery shopping and do a few of them. What laughs and smiles you will make. If your wife says, "Just what to you think you are doing?" Reply, "Enjoying myself, dear. This grocery shopping is fun."

TUNE-UP YOUR -- stand-up comedy inside the grocery store. When you and your wife walk by the meat department, grab a chuck roast, hold it up and cry aloud, "Uncle Bob! I have missed you so much. What happened?" You will surely draw a crowd and get laughs, but beware. Your wife may not like this and walk away from you as if she is signaling that she doesn't know you.

WHISPER A FAKE -- piece of information to a passing grocery shopper. Something like this: "I heard this morning that Jimmy Fallon was to visit this store because his older brother works here." This tip is only effective in supermarkets in the states of California and Portland.

START ACTING LIKE -- you are crying. If a stranger should ask if you are okay. Blow your nose and reply, "Oh, I guess I am a big dope. But this canned fruit depresses me so much." And cry some more. Now. If that same stranger asks why, you are rolling now. Explain that you respect all forms of life which is priceless and how we human beings can be so heartless as to pick innocent peaches taking them from their families just to satisfy our stomachs. The stranger's face will freeze in disbelief. But as a warning, do not laugh or smile yourself or your act will be blown.

In The Near Future . . ."Advising Gas Station Attendants--if There Are Any Left."

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      MizBejabbers,

      Lovely comment. My ribs are hurting from laughing. My wife used to tell people about grocery shopping when our daughter was at home that she "had two kids to care for" when it was time to buy groceries. I used to have your husband's zeal for running around in the grocery store, but that attraction went to Dollar Tree for even the neon bottle openers are only a buck.

      I think it's a male thing. You know? The hunter in us.

      Have a safe and funny Saturday.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      BraveWarrior,

      Thank you much for the sweet comment. By way of explanation. Those videos I put with my hubs are meant for humor. I thought it bogus also. But a lot of fun.

      I have also heard that some guys and girls used to love to meet at all-night grocery stores to have some quiet time.

      I enjoyed your comment and do come back.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Dana,

      Thank you, sweet friend, for your sweet comment.

      You have "that" touch when it comes to your hubs and comments.

      The things I mentioned, will work, for people this day and time are afraid that the magician is an undercover CIA agent.

      That's all I got now. Thank you for coming by.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 3 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      I always hated grocery shopping I never had much patience for browsing down the isle's like most of my female-family members. But I loved your article.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 3 years ago from Central Florida

      Funny you should mention Piggly Wiggly. I had a conversation two days ago with a friend and somehow we got on the subject of Piggly Wiggly. What a stupid name for a grocery store, huh? We used to have them here in Central Florida up until the very late '80s or early '90s. Up in Philly (in the '60s) there were Acme markets. I always thought that was silly, too, because explosives were always made by Acme in the Roadrunner cartoons.

      I actually got picked up while grocery shopping one afternoon on my lunch break. I ended up dating the guy for a while. I've heard that grocery stores are a great alternative to bars when a guy wants to find a gal. Guess it's true!

      The message in that video is sooooooooooooo bogus. Having two or three middle-men between the provider and the consumer DOES NOT save money! It does just the opposite. I guess we can chalk it up to marketing propaganda.

      Fun hub, Kenneth. Frankly, when I was married I hated when my husband went grocery shopping with me. Even worse - letting him do it on his own! I'd have to write the brands I wanted next to the items on my list and even go so far as to tell him which aisles the items were in! Sheesh!

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I am sure if I tried any of these things, I would never have to go grocery shopping with my fiancé again. I might give some of these suggestions a try this weekend!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 3 years ago

      Kenneth, that hub really applies at our house; the part about leaving the child in the car while mama shops, at least. Every time I go grocery shopping with Mr. B, I swear I'm going to leave him at home. Shopping with him is like shopping with a 5-year-old, especially if we go to WalMart. He has to go through the movie bin and see if there is anything he wants to buy; he needs a new usb cable for his phone; or he wants a new kitchen gadget, of which he already has a drawer full (he is our cook, so I usually relent.) I can save at least $50 when I leave him at home. LOL

      By the way, the first word I ever learned to read was "Safeway". I was at the grocery store with my mom, and she taught me the word on the sign. Then she had me identify it in a newspaper ad later in the week. I was about 4 then. Strange things happen at the grocery store. Voted up and funny.

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