72 Important Tips on What Makes Your Wife Feel Loved
What Makes Your Wife Feel Loved
The way that a man sees his wife, the way he cherishes her, has a lasting effect on her beauty within and without. How does your wife feel about you and your relationship to her? There are many wives out there who don’t feel as loved as they desire and deserve. Make the special woman in your life feel beautiful, appreciated, and loved. You can spend precious time doing what you think are romantic gestures to your wife only to discover she doesn’t appreciate it at all. Is your wife ungrateful and self-absorbed? No. You are simply not romancing her in a way that is romantic to her. Speak your partner’s love language every single day. Gary Chapman wrote a great book on the five love languages in which couples can express and experience their language of love and affection. Some women want to be showered with gifts; others get more pleasure out of quality time. Some want to be treated like a princess by your service, others like compliments. If you want to make your wife feel loved, employ actions and attitudes that prove you know her, cherish her, prioritize her, and want to do whatever it takes to make her feel beautiful, valued, and heard.
1. Start and/or end each day by praying together with your wife. Pray for her also every day. Thank God for her by name when the two of you are praying together. God will help to sustain your relationship. Lead your family in their spiritual relationship with God. This is important to her. A family that prays together stays together.
2. Communicate with her instead of talking at her or shutting her out emotionally. Take it upon yourself to show the bravery to be open, honest because with our busy and demanding world where work tends to invade every moment of life, it is easy to be distracted at home. Listen to her. No television, no kids, no telephone or computer, no friends, just the two of you. Give her the real you, and trust that this will make her feel loved. Having half or hour for just two of you will really help with our communications patterns and allows you to be fully engaged in the conversation. Active listening, where you listen with all your senses for intent and feeling, is a big communicator of love and affection.
3. Talk to her respectfully without demeaning her or hurting her feelings. It is important that you treat your wife with respect. Respect is denoted by kindness and reverence that we show toward another person or thing. It means we hold someone or something in high esteem.
4. Compliment her for the giftedness you see in her. Be specific. Make her feel beautiful. All women like being made to feel loved by the person they love. Never assume she knows you still find her as lovely as the day you married her — tell her.
5. Show interest in her friends, and if they are trustworthy, give her time to be with them. Interacting with her friends will make her happy and will make feel loved because no person is an island to self.
6. Do something active together to lift her spirit. Go walking with your wife. If you love nature and spending quality of time with your partner, make it a habit to go walking—either in the mornings before you start your day, or in the evenings. This promotes conversation, quality time, and exposure to fresh air. Walking with your partner also promotes good exercise, and can be as simple as walking up down your block and back. Decide with your partner how long and how often you would like to walk; the key factor is taking the decision to take the walk.
7. Be proactive about doing something together that she really enjoys. Express to her that you need and value her. Show interest in that which she values as important in her life. Talk to her, share with her what you’re excited about. Think about activities and experiences that have made your wife happiest. Make a date, get her excited, and share her enthusiasm. Show enthusiasm for the things that she’s excited about—let your actions show it. If she loves a good adventure, make that a priority. If the simple pleasures of a quiet night together sitting on the couch make the mark, go that route.
8. Find something that makes you laugh together. Create a fun, life-giving atmosphere when you are around her. Plan a date night that will help her to reduce or eliminate stress and have fun.
9. Put your arms around her when she needs comfort because she will panic sometimes, holding her silently. Occasionally, she will cry, she will sink into a dark, depressing state, things will upset her more than they should and she may fall apart. Try not to belittle the hurt or tell her that she’s just being silly or that “it’s not that bad”. Be her pillar of strength when she distressed. She just want someone to hold her, kiss the tears from her eyes, stroke her hair, listen to her anxieties and tell her that she will be okay and she will get through this. Let that person be you. She may not be expecting you to fix things for her but it makes a world of difference for her just to know that you understand she’s hurting.
10. Surprise her by doing something you think she would want done before she asks. Listen, observe, learn, draw on your history together, and do what you know will make her feel loved. So don’t always just do what she says she wants from you to make her feel loved.
11. Allow your wife to tell you things, especially on how she wants to be treated without being defensive. Say something like, “I’m committed to listen to you without getting defensive or somehow punishing you for telling me.”
12. When you feel you must correct her, be gentle —speak the truth in love. If and when she messes up, respond with the kind of compassion. Respond in a way that communicates, “You’re safe with me. No matter how royally you mess up, I’ll always be glad you’re mine, I’ll forgive you. I am more in love with you than ever.”
13. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s. Don’t make mountain out of a molehill.
14. Show her that she matters more to you than any one you could be with, that threatens her security in your marriage. Prioritize her with your actions. Don’t abandon your wife to be with friends in the club every day. Make her an important part of your life. Do whatever is in your power to ease her burden.
15. Be a good listener. Give her your undivided attention when she wants to talk. Make eye contact when she is talking to you and when you are talking with her. Show her you value what she says. Look at your wife when she wants to talk. Keep eye contact. Turn off the TV. Put away your phone. Listen more than you speak, unless she's seeking a response. Listen without trying to fix everything. Sometimes your wife just wants a sounding board. Being attentive is often the best way to be supportive, which is critical to solving problems that originate both inside and outside the marriage. It is always a good feeling to know that someone is truly interested in what you have to say, however mundane or ridiculous it may be.
16. You dated your wife before marriage, and fell in love. Date her now to stay in love. Plan a get-away where both of you will spend quality time. Take her, unannounced, on fancy date nights. Plan a romantic getaway. Reserve a hotel room, pack her bags, and make sure her calendar is clear. Make reservations to a nice restaurant; get tickets to a show, line up a babysitter, and make plans for a weekend away. Even surprise her with a limo ride if you want. Plan everything out, choosing things that she likes to do. For example, make dinner reservations and get tickets for a play, or an event she would enjoy. Find a mutually enjoyable activity you like doing together on a regular basis, even if it is watching movie together. Surprise her by suggesting a marriage seminar or weekend retreat you can attend together. Some quality time with things she loves to do is an awesome way to communicate how special your wife is to you.
17. Do something fun and unexpected together. Go shopping with her and don’t sigh or look at what time it is even once. Let her initiate any physical advances exercises. Here are a few ideas: play football, volleyball; organize a picnic and bring the books you’re reading; take photos of each other; go to a movie.
18. Fix dinner or make her breakfast for her sometimes. Cook for her. There is something a bit romantic and something that communicates love and caring when a man cooks for his woman. Plan ahead for a meal she likes. Find a recipe; get the ingredients, and the follow the recipe to create a great meal for her. A little pampering like being able to eat a meal that she didn't have to plan for or prepare goes a long way in letting her know how much you care.
19. Make the time to set specific goals with her to achieve together for each year because doing things together will bring you closer.
20. Give her grace when she offends you and forgive because no one is perfect. You will sometimes offend her also and will want to be forgiven.
21. Exhibit humility, admit your mistakes, and ask for forgiveness. She’ll appreciate that. Think about a way you’ve been hurting her or annoying her. Apologize, and work hard at showing true change.
22. Be polite, courteous to her—not taking her for granted. Be especially helpful when she is not feeling well. Be sympathetic when she’s sick—and help her however you can. Help nurse her to good health.
23. Defend her to others—especially to your family if there is any attempt to treat her cavalierly. Nobody said love was easy, or came without work or sacrifice. Let her understand that you respect her and will love you through all the time.
24. Don’t belittle her intelligence. Allow her to express herself freely, without fear of being called illogical or dumb. Don’t embarrass her by arguing with her in front of others, trying to make her look ignorant.
25. Show her affection without sexual intentions. Remember, our partners want to be touched in more ways not necessarily for sex. Consider a hug in the morning, or a kiss hello. Scratch her back, give her foot rub, or a tender massage of her neck—whatever she’d prefer communicates worlds about your feelings for her. Physical touch is important in a relationship, and while it often leads to sexual touching, your wife will love the extra attention and the feeling of being touched without it having to lead to something else.
26. Find ways to help her know you are her partner in all areas of life. Get up in the middle of the night to take care of your upset child, while she stays back in bed or let her sleep in sometimes and you get the children ready for the day. Give her a break. One thing our wives don't usually get at home is a break. From the time she gets up until the time she crashes into bed, it is usually one very long day with more demands on her time that she can fill. This is especially true if she is a stay-at-home mom. And moms who works outside the home also tend to carry with them all day their responsibility as a mother. Giving her a break from the stresses of the day can really communicate love.
27. When she asks how your day went, don’t just say “fine” —actually give her details. Relate what happened at work or whatever you did apart from her.
35. Try not to argue over money. Peacefully discuss future expenditures instead. Harold Shryock wrote, “A family budget should not be a theoretical, idealistic sort of document. It should be a practical, workable schedule by which family funds are handled.” Make sure she has money to spend any way she would choose. Talk through your budget together with her. Make sure you both have the resources you need to care for your family well. If you primarily manage the budget, ask her to make at least one change before finalizing it. Esteem wise financial decisions she’s made.
39. Show her that you prefer her to others—give her your attention whenever possible. I know that sometimes, when the world gets too big and heavy and difficult, you too would like to withdraw and go into a quiet place all alone. If she wants to baby you a little when you're sick, let her to do it; if she wants to know how you feel about any challenging situation, talk to her about it. Let her be your rock, as you try to be hers. Never be afraid to cry before her; this is a sign of strength, not weakness.
41. Keep away from anything that gives you sexual gratification, other than your wife. Be careful being alone with female co-workers. Relationship can easily develop when you are constantly together.
42. Be helpful, both before and during the time you have visitors in your home. (If you’re not sure of what to do, ask your wife “What can I do that would help the most?”)
43. Brag about her to others, both in front of her and when she is not with you. Let her overhear you speaking well of her on the phone—among friends, to your kids, in public places, and to your mother. Tenderly but firmly keep family members from speaking disrespectfully to her or about her.
44. Surprise her by giving her a special gift from time to time. Do the little things. Grand gestures. Surprise her from time-to-time with a card and flowers or a little gift. Leave new earrings on the bed that you know she’ll like. The surprise trip to Paris, the dream kitchen, the diamond necklace certainly has their place in showing love. On a day-to-day basis, small gestures of affection and appreciation provide the steady energy needed to sustain love over the long haul. Woo her all over again, every once in a while.
45. Remember to tell her or call her as soon as you know you are going to be late. This will help to prevent suspicion.
47. Guard your tongue from saying “unwholesome words” or down-grading her. Be careful to choose your words, especially when angry.
48. Resist the urge to compare her unfavorably with others. She’ll like it if you appreciate her passion, weird interests, friendships, histories, and triumphs. More often than not, you might have fallen in love with her for so much more than her beautiful face, but for her energy, talent, humor, many quirks, the cheeky glint in her eye, her passions, the way she lights up when you’re extolling the virtues of culinary abilities.
49. Surprise her by doing some things around the house that she’s wanted done. Share the responsibilities around the house (without looking for special recognition). Encourage her to relax in some way while you clean up after dinner. Run errands without complaining. You can make her feel loved by taking out the trash without being asked, volunteering to take the kids to soccer practice, or doing the dishes before she has a chance to get to them. If she sees you doing the things that are important to her, she will feel love and devotion. Painting the family room, cleaning up the garage, or following through on a commitment to the kids will make a big difference in how she feels about you and about her worth to you. You might be surprised how much power little daily activities like these can have to make her feel valued in your relationship. Be an advocate for her rest. Especially if your wife speaks the "love language" of "acts of service," making the effort to prioritize her needs and her comfort should be particularly effective. You are also likely to earn admiration, and it is easier to feel loved by someone you admire.
50. Let her know you want to spend special time with her and the children. Be an involved partner in helping with the children and spending time together. Think of your children as an extension of your wife, because in many ways they are. In fact, they are an extension of both of you, a new realm of "shared meaning" that binds you together. Make them feel loved, and she will feel it too.
51. Maintain good grooming habits so you look and smell good. It shows you care. She will be proud of you as a husband when you dress well. Organize or clean something of yours that you know she finds messy. Put effort in to keep yourself in good shape so she’s especially proud to be with you.
52. Be supportive. Help her to finish her education and goals that are important to her. Find out things you could do to really empower and inspire her. Listen and follow through.
53. Give her the love gift of being thoughtful and considerate to her relatives. Don’t negatively compare her relatives with yours. In her area of weakness, pray about how to subtly, gently step in and help her.
54. Sit close to her —even when you are just watching television. You don’t need to make a sound. You don’t need to utter a word to each other. Just let her know that you’re there, that she shouldn’t forget that you’re always there, not far away, if only for a cuddle or a big long hearty talk if you want it.
55. Make sure your children speak to her and treat her in respectful ways. Set an example for any children you have by being verbally supportive and honor her in front of the children. Treat her with respect. Honor her by not disagreeing with her in front of the children. Regardless what it means to be a "good" father, being a loving, caring, involved parent is always one of the best ways to show love to your spouse. Show your children how much you value her, so they will also value her. Compliment your wife in front of the kids. Tell her she’s beautiful, and give her gifts in their presence, or let them help you do it.
56. Do not make plans without her agreeing with them (unless it’s a surprise). Make it a point to write a mission statement together for your marriage and family.
57. Pro-actively do things that makes her feel cherished as a woman and as a wife. Tell her she’s beautiful. . I love it when you wear that. She’ll be glad when you tell her that she’s beautiful.
58. Keep her trust at all costs. Leave no gray area when it comes to other female relationships, money and your word.
59. What’s difficult about her life right now? Don’t ignore the small things that bother her and let them build into bigger issues. Ask her and then listen to what makes her fearful and insecure. Pray about and act upon what you can do to alleviate those fears. Pray for her endurance, and encourage her specifically. Talk with her about her fears—both deep and insignificant. No, not all women are the same, but it is probably safe to assume that your wife wants you to at least occasionally just sit down and listen to her vent, complain, brag, gossip, revel, question, or simply talk. Over time, lead her as you work together to replace those fears with faith in God.
60. Sex is a powerful gift that God gives to married couples. Find out what her sexual needs are (and then try to fulfill them). Be a student of her body. Ask her, both while you’re in bed and at a completely separate private time, how you can please her sexually and make her feel secure and beautiful. Mark & Grace Driscoll wrote, “in the act of sex, and the related intimacy that surrounds it, a couple learns to know each other in a way that they are not known by anyone else.” Seek tenderly to understand her past and how it affects her in the bedroom. Be sensitive enough to ask her if you offend or hurt her sexually in any way.
61. Take the time to touch every day—even if it’s only for a minute or two. Especially if your wife responds most to "quality time," just making an extra effort sometimes will pay dividends. Leave that paperwork behind every so often and come home a bit early just to be with her. Go for a walk, make dinner together, or do whatever else may come to mind with your unexpected free time together. Yes, there are a million tasks at work and home you could be doing, but be a little “irresponsible” in order to give her some one-on-one time.
62. Go out of your way to help her feel valued over everyone else. Show you know her best and one of the best ways to make her feel loved is to prove this point. Essentially, what this means is getting to know her world better and using this knowledge to strengthen your bond. Stay in touch with her and let her know that she’s a part of your life, not just someone you meet up with for dinner and a sleepover. Remember the things she cares about and bring these aspects into the time you do spend with her.
63. Consider her as your marital partner in how you spend money. If your wife likes to dress nicely, go with her to shop for clothes in which she feels confident and looks fantastic.
64. Show affection for her in front of friends. Don’t forget to hold her hand in public like you used to when you dated her. It will make her feel loved.
65. Make a point of honoring anniversaries, birthdays, and other special occasions. Don’t just remember her birthday — remember her mother’s birthday. Few things make someone feel more loved than being able to honestly believe that the person you love is thinking of you at that very moment.
66. Hold her close and verbally express your love when she is hurt or discouraged. Say to her, “You are one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten. I am so humbled God gave me you.”
67. Don’t tease and belittle her, saying “I was just joking” when she doesn’t find it funny.
68. Tell her areas she’s gifted in. Say something like, “I had no idea you could do that! You continue to impress me.” Don’t stretch the truth: Be honest so she can trust you.
69. Don’t criticize her in front of others—keeping her dignity intact.
70. Don’t focus on the physical features of another woman (It dishonors your wife). Don’t get caught looking at other women, as this can send a bad message. Just as importantly, get caught looking at her from time to time. Let her feel your eyes on her when she tries on that new dress, or even when she’s in sweats for that matter. Never, ever, compare her negatively to the appearance of another woman, or even an old picture of herself. She knows that over the years, some parts of her have changed shape or shifted positions. Let her know that you find the beauty in her as she is now.
71. Tell her and show her you love her often. Say “I love you” like you mean it, and mean it when you say it. Those three little words, properly employed, invariably make anyone feel loved. Be sensitive to her needs—looking for ways to appreciate her. Speak her language. The concept of the "five love languages" has become well-known in regards to relationship problems and solutions. Often, it seems, the problem is not that you are not attempting to show love, but that manner in which you express your love is not being translated as such by your wife. According to this concept, the five love languages are: words of affirmation; acts of service; receiving gifts; quality time; and physical touch. The theory is that each person receives love predominately in one of these five languages. For instance, your wife who "speaks" quality time feels more loved from a picnic in the park than from you cleaning out her car (acts of service) or buying her flowers (receiving gifts).
72. Call her on the phone, email or text her when you’re apart so she knows you are thinking of her. Leave her a little note in the morning. Consider calling at a random time, when she will least expect it, and just tell her that you are thinking about her, wanting to know how her day is going and to communicate love. It is easy to get caught up in all the business of the day, so taking time to call and let her know she is important will make a big positive difference in her day. If you have the ability to communicate via text message, consider sending texts that communicate love, and maybe even flirt occasionally. Send her a text with encouraging words before her big presentation at work. Post on her Facebook timeline: “I love being your husband. You are a blessing to me. I care for you.” Express your love and appreciation for her in a love note which you give to her. Send her a love note. A short note sharing your love, your admiration of her, your appreciation of her special traits, and your commitment to her speaks volumes about how special she is.
Whatever you do, make sure that you regularly communicate how special your wife is to you. Don’t fall among husbands who don’t serve or protect or cherish their wives. Maybe you are a man who initiates many kindnesses to your wife and you don't receive much respect or kindness in return, don’t be discouraged. She will eventually get to appreciate your kind gestures to her. It is important to identify how she receives your communication of love and to make time to make these little expressions happen.