7 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Starting a New Relationship
We've all been there. You get your heart broken and decide not to date for a while because why the hell would you risk it again, just to be disappointed again? Or, you have taken some time away from dating to focus on yourself and almost forget how it all goes....
But then you meet someone.
And you wonder, is it worth it? Here are a few questions that might help you figure it out.
1. Do you have time to commit to a relationship right now?
Timing is everything and sometimes if the timing just isn't there, then the relationship might just not be there. If you are going to jump in again, it would be best to give the relationship a fair chance by giving this person enough time in your life.
2. What are you looking for in this relationship?
Before starting a new relationship, it's important to outline what you are looking for and who you are looking for. What kind of person do you want to be with? Someone who enjoys affection and spending a lot of time together, or maybe someone independent who is focused on their goals?
Also, it could be important to think about what kind of relationship you want. A hook-up? Something serious? or to just date, hang out and see where it goes? Thinking about this stuff before jumping in may take some pressure off of this new relationship and help you figure out what will make you happy, before you waste any time!
What kind of person do you want to be with?
3. Do they make you laugh?
The early twenties are a stressful time with college, looking for careers, moving and learning how to be a real adult. A positive person that makes you smile even on the bad days can drastically improve your life. So why even start a relationship with someone that doesn't make you smile?
4. Is there chemistry?
Although the physical stuff isn't everything, it's amazing to be with someone that you always want to make out with. And if they happen to look like Ryan Gosling (as shown above) that is just a bonus for you. While we all love a nice guy, if you aren't really attracted to them, it can cause tension later in the relationship.
5. Do you want to change them?
Some people get into relationships and already want to change something about that person.
"I wish he wouldn't drink as much"
"I wish that she wouldn't spend as much money"
"I wish he would pay more attention to me"
The beginning of the relationship is the time when you will be the craziest about this person. So if you already want to change them, maybe don't start and then wait for the rose colored glasses to slowly come off, along with your time being wasted. No one is perfect though, obviously, so this is about the bigger issues like significant habits or personality traits, not so much little cute quirks.
6. Are you comfortable with your relationship with yourself?
It's only human to want validation, companionship and love. But, if you aren't happy with yourself, it might be good to wait. A healthy relationship is two healthy people who support and nurture each other, and not being okay with yourself can taint this. Although self-love can be difficult and again, nobody is perfect, it can definitely help grow a healthy, happy relationship.
7. Lastly, are you okay with being hurt again?
We have all been hurt before and of course, no one wants to be hurt again. So falling for someone new can be terrifying, and then you have to decide if it is worth it or not to put your heart at risk. But, maybe there is a middle ground, such as telling this person why you are a little cautious and that you care for them, but that we all carry our scars differently. If they're worth it, they'll understand and wait for you. And most likely, they'll appreciate the honestly and probably reveal that they have been hurt before too because who hasn't?
But, when it comes to new relationships and to love, there really are no rules. If the right person comes along and you get that feeling, you know, that feeling, feel free to ignore everything and to just jump in!
© 2018 Maddie Tomasek