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8 Things a Husband, Any Husband Should NEVER Say to His Wife

Updated on March 28, 2015
1950's typical housewife throwing a tantrum at something her husband just said
1950's typical housewife throwing a tantrum at something her husband just said | Source

The more we try. The more we mess-up

This is a sympathetic statement to most guys. As hard as we work and toil to always "stay on point," and say the right things to our wives, we mess-up the harder we try. Honest to God, we just do not know how to think. That's it in a nutshell. No use mincing my words or covering this piece with molasses.

Poor guys. They can have a perfect day at work--boss congratulates him on landing three new clients, coworkers treat him to lunch and he is flying high on the way home. His perfect day is moments away from becoming a distant memory. And all he does is this: His wife is in the kitchen struggling with a stubborn pot roast because it will not fit into the pan for cooking.

Women, what would you do?

"I have had enough."
"I have had enough." | Source

We just speak and then think

The husband all but jumps into the kitchen. Now here is what he said: "That pot roast shouldn't be any trouble to you, sweetie. You are in a heavier weight class." Did you catch that? Oh, you can bet that his wife caught it for now he is catching her ire and other angry words like she is giving away gift certificates.

And during his tongue lashing, all he can do is ask: "Gee! What'd I do? Huh? Come on. Tell me what'd I do?" Sad truth is, he really doesn't know what he really said to make his wife so angry. Someone needs to sit this guy down and in a discreet manner, share the following list of

8 Things That a Husband, Any Husband, Should NEVER Say to His Wife

"Get out! Now! Can you understand that?"
"Get out! Now! Can you understand that?"
"How about a taste of your own medicine?"
"How about a taste of your own medicine?" | Source
"The more I do, the more "he" brings in and piles it on top of the things I haven't done. I might as well drink."
"The more I do, the more "he" brings in and piles it on top of the things I haven't done. I might as well drink." | Source
"Honey, please forgive me for insinuating that you smelled like a hog. It was the gravy talking."
"Honey, please forgive me for insinuating that you smelled like a hog. It was the gravy talking." | Source
  1. "Hey, these place mats are great. Did you steal them the last time we stayed at the Days Inn?"
  2. "So your mom isn't coming this weekend? I was worried if we had enough food or not."
  3. "Heyyy, why is all of this smoke in the kitchen? What's burning? Ohhh, yeah. You thing isn't pork chops."
  4. "Don't let the dog eat that! He doesn't know where that ground beef has been."
  5. "Honey, Bob told me at work that his wife is now doing Zumba and has lost 12 pounds. Why don't you get into that? You don't have all that much to do here during the day."
  6. "Babe, I was going to ask you, but I was afraid to. Is something wrong with your butt? Because you kinda walk favoring your right side. Jan, Tom's wife, walks so gracefully. Her butt sways back and forth."
  7. "Sweetie, my secretary asked me to ask you what thrift store you bought you clothes for she saw you last week in the mall and said you couldn't tell your clothes were from a thrifty store."
  8. "Sweetheart, are you cooking barbecue from the grill for our party Saturday night? Well, you best let me handle it. Men know lots more about grilling than women."
  • To the guy above: I just happen to know a few good divorce lawyers who do not charge a "pound of flesh."

Kitchen melt-down
Kitchen melt-down | Source

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, Dana,

      I appreciate you and thank you for taking the time to read this piece and leaving me such a sweet comment.

      May I say that you have made my week.

      God bless you, my FRIEND. And do stay in touch.

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 

      3 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      Ken these are wonderful tips for any husband to understand how not to piss off his wife. Remember the saying; " A happy wife, a happy life! voted up and useful.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dressage Husband,

      Well played, sir.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Thelma,

      I sincerely thank you for the nice comment.

      You are so sweet to read this hub and cheer me up with your words.

    • Dressage Husband profile image

      Stephen J Parkin 

      3 years ago from Pine Grove, Nova Scotia, Canada

      Kenneth, I was just trying to provoke you into such a response. Just because I can!

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 

      3 years ago from Germany

      Very funny! I hope some husbands could read this article. Well done. Thanks for sharing.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dressage,

      Although this is purely comedy, I share housework with my wife. Like today. She was working in her gift shop she is restoring and I took the initiative to fold what things were in the dryer and didn't tell her. But she said thanks upon discovering the secret act.

      Thank you for the nice visit.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      RoadMonkey,

      In a word, "Amen."

      I have to agree with you. Thanks for your comment.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      shanmarie,

      I guess I should join you in your laughter about men. "We" men should not talk as much, just DO for our female companions without any remarks.

      "Love is more acted than spoken," an ambiguous writer said once.

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      3 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Jennifer,

      But there ARE plenty of guys who run-over their girlfriends and wives like it was supposed to be that way.

      I just wish that men could act and think like women.

      Thank for stopping by.

    • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

      Jennifer Mugrage 

      3 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      Hm. Funny, but yet ... not really. If only this stuff were pure humor and there weren't actually men like that out there!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon Henry 

      3 years ago from Texas

      Hahaha! Men!

    • RoadMonkey profile image

      RoadMonkey 

      3 years ago

      He deserves meltdown! He is thinking only of himself, lol

    • Dressage Husband profile image

      Stephen J Parkin 

      3 years ago from Pine Grove, Nova Scotia, Canada

      Kenneth,

      If you are talking from experience then I am not surprised you know a good divorce lawyer! Personally I just do all the cooking, problem solved. It also keeps that lawyer whistling for work!

    working

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