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8 ways to mend a relationship after a break up

Updated on October 11, 2011
A Fighting Couple
A Fighting Couple

8 ways to mend a relationship after a break up

The one thing that’s hard to go through in life is a break up. Even harder is to break up with someone you still care about. It’s never easy to walk away from something you had high hopes in. So here are some tips to help you salvage that relationship.


It’s amazing how much an apology means in a relationship. In order to mend the relationship after a break up it is prudent to be truly sorrow for whatever wrongs one has committed. Leave that holier than thou attitude at the door and just say sorry. We tend to take that word for granted in relationships and often don’t mean it, but when all is said and done and it comes down to the one you love, a true heartfelt apology is the best remedy to mend a relationship after a break up.

For one to truly be sorry, you have to accept responsibility for the wrong that you did and come to terms with the fact the relationship ended because of the part you played. To play the blame game the guise of mending a relationship after a break up will just lead to deep bitterness and utter resentment. Therefore mending a relationship after a break up is more of humility and repentance than who was right and who was wrong.


One of the hardest things to do when mending a relationship after a break up is compromise. Compromise is the key when it comes to mending a relationship after a break up. It’s not enough just to apologize but you should be able to accept things that make your partner who he/she is and remember the reasons you fell in love with them in the first place. We all wouldn’t be in relationships if we didn’t close our eyes to some things our better halves do. Believe me; you think you’ve got it bad, someone out there has it worse. An alcoholic female with daddy issues, a mommy’s boy with attention issues and so the list goes on and on. Your relationship might be another man’s heaven. So stop bickering and muddle through.

Analyse the relationship;

To mend a relationship after a break up it is important to take a step back and look at the relationship from a bird’s eye view. This is a critical stage and it should involve all the impartiality that one can muster. Start the old fashion way, column one pros, column two cons. List the pros and cons of the relationship. Ask yourself the real hard questions. Will it be better if we get back together? Am I willing to change? What am I getting out of this relationship? Another technique is to list things you admire about your partner and things that you hate. This helps clear the air about certain things that otherwise would be disastrous in future when mending a relationship after a break up.


Communication is the key in order to mend a relationship after a break up. Talk, shout, cry, do whatever it takes to get rid of the pent up anger or resentment. The number one reason that women give is that he did not communicate enough. Tell your partner how you feel about their behaviour instead of letting it boil up inside. To mend a relationship after a break up the couples should always talk frankly and honestly.

Rebuilding trust;

Rebuilding trust in order to mend a relationship after a break up is a slow and daunting process. Both parties in the relationship irrespective of innocence must be willing to let themselves trust again. One should totally be open about their intentions in order to rebuild the foundations of trust. For example to rebuild trust one has to keep the lines of communication open that is phones, emails and the like. There should be no secrets when there is an effort to mend a relationship after a break up.

Third opinion;

Enlist the help of a trusted friend or for married couples a marriage counsellor. There should be a person during this process that is neutral on all fronts and able to see where love and hate are blocking the path. A third mediator really helps to get the most important answers to the hardest questions when mending a relationship after a break up.

Re-invent yourself;

The relationship should not fall into the same old rut. Look for new ways to get the relationship going and relight that flame. For example get a new wardrobe, get a better job, sing in the morning, just don’t be the boring old fashion goat that through away the old relationship. Find a new vigour within yourself and trust me you will have much more rewarding relationship.


As the saying goestime heals all wounds. Don’t expect things to work themselves out in a couple of days. Better yet, its way better to go slow when mending a relationship after a break up rather than rush back into things neither of you can understand. Take a breather from one another. Take the time to do some soul searching, and reach into yourself to find that inner peace and forgiveness that will make this relationship work again

In conclusion to mend a relationship after a break up its imperative that the couple follow these steps; apology, compromise, communication, third person, analyse, re-invention, time, and rebuild trust.


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      counselling Perth 

      8 years ago

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