- Gender and Relationships
9 Reasons Why I'm Glad You Cheated On Me
No one who was just cheated on will think they'd ever utter those words. It's difficult to understand how someone you thought you knew so well, could be so different. Your world, your reality, and your self-esteem come crashing down. You have time to reflect, so spend some of that time to read on.......you will thank yourself and the person who did it.
1. You made me hate myself
When I found out..... I stared in the mirror looking at every imperfection. I questioned my daily habits, routines, and foundation. I'm sure this happens to anyone who is cheated on.
It's natural to think possibly there is something wrong with you that caused the unfaithfulness. And in that brutal time of self criticism..I thought I wasn't good enough..I did find imperfections. I honed in on everything I was that could be improved.....And I changed them.
Not for the person who betrayed me, but for me. For my peace of mind. Because I wanted me back. The me I lost in our relationship.
I hit the gym harder, I indulged in my hobbies more, I got to know my friends again. I did things for me. Because you betrayed me, I became closer with me.
I found myself again because I distanced myself from you and the person I had become.
I didn't lose you----I lost me, and so did you. But because you did, I found myself -- And I love myself.
I was right, I wasn't good enough for me, and neither were you. I'm back and you're no longer in my league.
2. You made me think I did something wrong
I thought back to what I could have done differently? To try to answer that question, I made changes: I started going out less, I started talking to more of my friends. Trying to find anything that I could have done differently. I was more patient, I was less angry, I rushed less, and I enjoyed more.I changed my perception. I found out the answer is no, I couldn't have done anything differently, that was your job.
But while I was searching for that answer, I improved my life. And you set that in motion.
3. You broke my heart
When people talk of a broken heart, you don't really understand it until someone you love turns on you. It does hurt, you feel it emanate from your heart to your stomach.
And every time you think of the betrayal, your heart throbs from the memory of it.
But what it also did was remind me that I still have a heart, and my heart can still feel. You may leave a little scar tissue there, but what else you left was the space you had....so I can give it to someone else.
4. You left me alone
I was so alone. Our every day routine, the security in knowing I was coming home to you, the warmth of having someone to share a bed with was gone. I was so alone.
No one to share a funny video with while watching TV, or vent about politics or people to.
But it made me realize that I can handle it.
Being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't truly love me.
Being alone is better than sharing a bed with someone who is thinking of someone else.
Being alone is better than believing "I Love Yous" because its easier.
Being alone forced me to get to know myself, and my strength.
And now I know, it's OK to be alone.
5. You ruined our plans
We were building a life together. We had plans. travel, holidays, normal days, routines...we had plans.
As I went through each of those plans in my mind with you pictured in them, you didn't fit anymore.
The plans I had were saved because I realized I should have made with someone else. And I never would have known that until I knew you. The real you. You saved me the time I would have wasted with you. And memories to make with someone else.
6. You made me weak
I questioned myself. My worth. My value. I cried. I couldn't help but feel worthless. So I traced back our relationship.
I thought about the lies, the betrayal, the false 'love', and I realized, it wasn't that I was weak. You were.
You couldn't be true, you couldn't be strong----you could only be you. And you're weak.
I found I am the strong one. To not give into impulse. To not betray our relationship. And you know what? I'm a ninja goddess. You're a coward in warrior armor.
I found the weakest part of me was merely your perception of me....you thought I was weak....That would be true only if I would have stayed with you. But I didn't. It would have been easier, like your decisions to cheat...but I didn't...because I'm not like you. I'm strong.
7. You made me question my decisions
What did I get into?
How did I get here?
Why was I betrayed?
Are there any good ones left?
These are all the questions I asked myself. And you know what I found? I'm surprised I was so blind. I'm surprised I was so deaf. I made a bad decision, indeed. But it wasn't in how I was in our relationship. It was that I misjudged your character. I believed your lies, and gave you time. But you made me better for helping me realize one thing: I can do better; in decision making, and than you.
8. You wasted my time
I invested my time with the promise of a future together. I felt we were sharing our life in order to build one big happy album to mark the past and toast to the future.
All of the nights on couch, the texts, the phone calls, the date nights, the family nights.
We spend money on things we find value in. We spend time in the same way.
If I had known then what I know now, I would not have spent my time with you. But I cannot get it back. So I find value in that you filled a time in my life where I was growing as a person, learning through experience, and now I'm closer to being the person I want to be, and finding the one who is right for me.
9. You made others talk about us
Of course the ones who knew you were cheating talked.
But those who knew me....knew something was wrong.
They asked what happened, even though they probably already knew.
They said wonderful things about me like; You're amazing, your beautiful spirit needs no poison, you can do so much better, there are many who would never take you for granted. You deserve love. You're beautiful.
All these encouraging words said to me.
And I started thinking, they're right. And even if their words were solely for encouragement, it made me think I'd rather be encouraged as strong and single than pitied silently as a cheater's partner.
I am amazing.
And if you're reading this because this happened to you? YOU'RE AMAZING.
The fact that you are seeking solace and attempting to heal your broken heart shows how much you love yourself. Love yourself more.
We are amazing spirits in this world. Learning, loving, laughing, and leaving memories. If someone cannot love you for all the beautiful wonderful quirky things you are? Find another spirit. ONE like YOU. Who will make your soul smile, not cry.
“If you're betrayed, release disappointment at once. By that way, the bitterness has no time to take root.” -Toba Beta
In the end, we cannot control what others do to us. We can only be true to ourselves and others. If they betray that, do not harbor anger. Look back and learn.
You will feel liberated in knowing you did absolutely nothing wrong. That there is nothing wrong with you, and that you are a better person for the strength you acquired through the heartbreak.
Set your standards higher. Look at yourself in a different way. Cater to yourself, your needs, your hobbies, and get to know yourself again so you know what kind of person is good enough for you.
Then, kill the seed of betrayal they left in your heart by leaving them and loving you. Let the only roots that grow in your world be filled with love, laughter, and life.