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9 Reasons Why Women Don't Respond To Your Messages

Updated on February 16, 2016

I know this is a hot topic with men, why? Because not getting responses online bothers some of you so much, you even address the lack of responses on your actual Dating Bio....

Are you really giving me the "who-me? What-are-you-talking-about" look right now?

It goes a little something like this "Loving father, looking for my best friend, and if you aren't going to respond to messages, why even be on this freaking site, seriously?" or "Love to travel, and if you don't like to respond to messages just swipe left now". Ew...I'm totally swiping for life on that drama. Stop.

Stop doing that. Seriously. The desperation and bitterness billows from your profile like o-zone obliterating smoke from a freight train. Gross.

Now that we have set the stage, I am going to let you in on the secrets of why women don't respond.

A Preacher and a Rabbi Walk Into a Bar

Oh yeah, you guys go there...with slap-stick jokes. Seriously.....I get you're trying to break the ice by being funny, but its not effing normal. Imagine you're at a grocery store and you walk up to a cute chick and say "knock knock" know who's there? Mace.

Just stick with what you know, reference her profile, and if you find something funny or sarcastic to say to her, keep it relevant....not weird as f.

What Are You Doing at 8?

Um, being all adulty and shit and not meeting a stranger before at least having enough conversations to ascertain whether he has 8 of 10 signs of a serial killer.

I know this is a HUGE issue with men. "I just want to see if there is chemistry" you say. And I get it, you've likely been burned by women using older pictures, falsely advertising their goods, or maybe full-on catfished. You want to save time, but women want to save their lives. We ALL watch Web of Lies or some spin off of what happens when women impulsively accept dates from strangers. They end up in a trunk, kissing dirt, or with some extra holes in their face.

Chill out. At least talk for a couple weeks, see where it goes, because here's a little tip: if it doesn't go well in writing, then I guarantee it would have sucked in person.


"Hi".....Um.......Hi? You got anything else you want, or are able, to say? If that was a trailer for a movie, I wouldn't even watch it when it hit Netflix.

Think how bizarre that would be if you walked up to a chick at a bar and just said "Hi" and stood there verbally constipated.

No name, nice to meet you, or a question that leads to an answer and inevitable conversation? I'd look around for the other people wearing the same color shirt as you and let them know I found you. Code Adam: Clear.

You So (Insert Trite and Objectifying Adjective Here)

You SO Sexy, Amazing, Gorgeous, Hot.....Oh, is that it? I'm glad I didn't include any syntax of adjectives in my profile about the things I like, my talents, passions, career, or goals that you might have had to reference....Sorry guys, but it is really, really hard to send a thank you to a person who sends "daayyyuuum" to you when there were plenty of other letters to hit on that keyboard. Compliments are good, but mix them in with some sentences and questions...I is SO hard.

Plagiarizers, Plagiarizers Everywhere!

Why? Just why? I had a guy send me lyrics from a Metallica song once, and another sent E.E. Cummings as their own poetry. Google is a bitch, and we will figure it out. So use your own work, and if poetry isn't your forte? Don't send it. Next.

The Self-Deprecator

Ahhh we ladies have received them.... "I'm not the best looking, and don't make a lot of money, and I don't have a great job, and I'm sure I'm out of your league"....and expect a response. You just sold me...on that Left Swipe. If you don't have confidence, don't expect a response.

Picture This:

So, let's say you sent a good message, you added words after "hi", you mentioned items from her Bio, you strayed from jokes and plagiarism...GOOD JOB! But you still didn't get a response? It's probably you, and not them.

If you have any of the following pics you will likely NOT get a response

  1. A pic of you and what appears to be your ex
  2. A pic of you and what appears to be a stripper
  3. A pic of you and what appears to be SEVERAL strippers
  4. SEVERAL pics of you taking pics of yourself half naked/at the gym
  5. No Pic

I really shouldn't have to explain any of the above. If I do, you need to click on your app, hit the gear, choose account settings, and select delete. You don't belong on dating apps.


Your Bio is your first online impression. If it is blank, you're lazy. If it is filled with stories of why you're divorced and how terrible dating experiences have been? We are moving on to less dramatic potentials. If it is filled with a bunch of misspellings, you're dumb. Spellcheck is free. So is Google. Use it--since you can't use your brain.

Machine Gun Messages

Picture this: you send a message at 8:11, it was a pretty good one. You wait for a response. How long? Oh...six effing minutes.

8:17 "Hey, just making sure you got this"

8:26 "Not in the talking mood?"

8:31 "Did I do something wrong?"

8:42 "Really love picture #4"

8:45 "I really hope you respond"

8:51 "Hello?"

GOODBYE. CHEESE n RICE, you talked yourself out of a response. Calm down Keyboard Ken, the only responses you'll ever get, are clearly from yourself. You're creeping us out in all your potential future stalker glory. Icky.

So in summary, the reasons why women don't respond have one thing in common: you.

Nope...wrong again... it's not's you.

Ladies, have additional reasons you don't respond? Chime in below!

Men, I know you are seething if you made it this far and likely have several rebuttals. Have something to add? Please air your frustrations below...and not on your dating Bio. Again, you're welcome.


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    • Tara Mapes profile imageAUTHOR

      Tara Mapes 

      3 years ago from Cincinnati

      Hahaha, I had a guy send me a pic of himself in tighty whities and asked if I would be 'interested' in watching him explore his exhibitionism desires. I'm like no, but I'll help you explore your boxer brief shopping skills. Wtf.

      And yes, if you have an endless supply of half-shirt selfies readily available, you're an attention whore who has shared that pic with many other chicks. We cannot be with a dude who loves himself more than he could love us? Why?

      I actually have an album on Facebook entitled "How not to online date". I have screen shots of every disturbing picture and intro. That way I can have proof of why I'm still single. That.....that is why.

    • ThatMommyBlogger profile image


      3 years ago from The Midwest

      Yessssssss! I know so many people who need to read this. I was actually working on a similar article but haven't finished it yet. I think you summed everything up pretty well.

      Oh, and my #1 pet peeve is the hi/hey people. Those messages drive me insane. I also refuse to respond to anyone with douchey shirtless gym pics or pics with ex (or possibly current) partners.

      I'm also totally over getting hit up for threesomes. If I wanted a threesome, I'd be on Craigslist, not POF or OK Cupid.


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