9 Splendid Ways to Survive the Affair
How to Survive the Affair
When Kwabena’s wife Akosua decided to enroll in a nurses’ training college after they had been married for three years and had given birth to three children, little did he know he was going to lose his wife. Kwabena recently discovered that his wife is having an affair on the campus of the school.
“I am shattered! I am devastated! I love Akosua so much and I thought she loves me very much too! How could she do this to me?” Kwabena asked, as he tried to get some answers from listeners of a popular radio station here in Kumasi.
You may also be in a similar situation. Your spouse may have betrayed your love and trust and may have had an affair. However that should not be the end of your marriage because many marriages survive affairs.
Surviving infidelity in marriage requires you to do some natural things as well as calling for Supernatural help from God.
In this article I want to show you how to do these things so that you can survive the affair and get on with your life?
So what are the steps you must take if you want to survive infidelity and betrayal in marriage?
Remember Times When You Have Overcome Adversity
Cast your mind to the time when you were a small boy, a teenager, or when you were in your early twenties. There were times when you were disappointed by friends or siblings, but somehow you pulled through. Be encouraged by those memories and tell yourself that you will pull through.
Try to remember some of the things you did to survive on those occasions and do those same things. For example, if you used to submerge yourself in reading whenever your siblings disappointed you when you were a small boy, do that same thing again.
Remembering the past and adopting the coping mechanisms you used in the past will do two things:
- It will prevent you from becoming overwhelmed by the shock of knowing your spouse is having an affair.
- It will prevent you from doing something silly, such as contemplating suicide.
Write Down How You Feel
A few days after you discover your spouse is having the affair, and after you are able to compose yourself well, write a letter to yourself, if you want to survive the affair.
In the letter, pour out your grief and how badly you are hurt by the affair. Read over it once and put it away for about a week. After about a week, read over the letter again. This will give you helpful release and make you get rid of some of the pain and bitterness from your heart.
Be Grateful to Your Relatives
Being grateful to people who have helped you in the past can make you feel great about yourself and the world, and this can help you to survive the affair. This can make you feel positive about yourself and life and that will prevent you from becoming overwhelmed by the negative effects of the affair, and it will help you to survive the affair.
How should you go about showing gratitude to your loved ones?
- Write down 20 kind things your father did for you when you were a teenager.
- Write down 20 things your mother did for you when you were a small boy.
- Write down 20 kind things your siblings have done for you in the past year.
- Contemplate on the fact that it was their love for you which made them do these kind things. Let it remind you that some people appreciate you, even if your spouse does not appreciate you. Subsequently, call your parents and say “thank you” for all the love they have showed to you in the past.
Research has shown that exercising releases a group of chemicals called endorphins into the blood stream. These chemicals help to calm the nervous system and make one feel calm and relaxed. Therefore, if you want to survive the affair, make exercise a regular part of your daily life in the days immediately after you get to know about the affair.
Below is an exercise you can do easily whenever you wake up in the morning, and when you come home from work to help you feel composed and relaxed:
- Stand in the middle of your room.
- Lean to the right and balance your body on your right leg.
- Raise your left leg until it is horizontal to the floor.
- Extend your right arm horizontally in the same direction your body is leaning, held alongside your head and body.
- Rest your left arm on your left leg so that it is parallel to your body.
- Hold this position for as long as possible.
- Repeat the exercise, this time balancing your body on your left leg.
Share Your Feelings With a Mature Person
Talk to a mature person of your same sex who has also been through this experience before. In other words if you are a husband, talk to older men who are in marriages that have survived affairs. If you are a wife, talk to a mature woman who has been able to cope with an affair and is getting on with her life.
Try to find out how these people managed to cope with the shock of knowing their spouse was cheating on them, and how they managed to let go of the pain and hurt as well as what they did to help them move on. Learn from their stories and apply whatever you learn to your situation.
To know that someone else has gone through the same thing you are going through and has come out of it and is still surviving with some sort of order in his life again will strengthen you and strengthen your resolve to go on living.
Do Things for Others
Your workplace, neighborhood, or church has some people who have also survived an affair, or whose spouses are having affairs. Find out about such people, approach them, and tell them about your experience. Encourage them to share their stories and offer them hope. It will help you to take your mind off your situation as well as make you forget about the bitterness you feel in your heart.
Another thing you can do to help others is to create a Facebook page. You can call it “Spouses Who Want to Survive the Affair.” Encourage people who also want to survive the affair of their spouse to join the group. Post words of encouragement to the members of the group, and ask the group members to also post words of encouragement.
A third way you can help others so that you will not concentrate on your situation and as a result feel miserable is to start a support group in your neighborhood for husbands and wives who have survived the affairs of their spouses. Schedule a meeting at the home of a group member every weekend. Share your experiences with each other during these meetings and encourage each other.
Spend a Lot of Time with Lively People
When you associate with lively people, for example with extroverts who can make you laugh, their attitude will help to lighten your heavy heart. Their liveliness will also make it easy for you to shift your attention from your situation and make you see that there is more to life and so you must not let the affair dampen your spirit and kill your enthusiasm for life. Therefore, make frequent visits to friends or relatives who are extroverts and enjoy their company make.
Learn to be Resilient
One way to survive the affair is to have a positive attitude. Say words of encouragement to yourself whenever you feel as though you must pity yourself. Say words such as , “Life is full of ups and downs. Disappointments are part of life. I will not pity myself. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I will not let the irresponsible behavior of my spouse make me depressed. I won’t let pain and grief dominate me and stop me from living my life. I must go on living! I shall go on living! I shall survive the affair!” This will encourage you and help you to look to the future with hope.
Let God Comfort You
Look to God for support and spiritual strength, if you want to survive the affair. God “heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). A good way to seek God’s help so that He can help you by healing your broken heart is to make a prayer of supplication to Him.
Pray a prayer of supplication such as, “Dear God, I am very hurt by the affair Yaw had with Yaa. I am devastated by what he did but I have to go on living. Please give me the strength I need to go on living. Help me to forgive him from the bottom of my heart. Please help me to also forget what he did to me and help me not to hate him. Help me focus on my work, and bless my work so that Yaw will see that though he is a part of my life, my life does not depend on him, but on you, the Giver of life. Amen.”
Once you put the situation into God’s hands and trust Him, just feel relaxed and go about your activities as if nothing happened. Be nice to your spouse and focus on your life. Remember that your stay on Earth is a short one and let that motivate you to do what will make you happy everyday so that you will not waste your days whining about the affair.
To survive the affair you must find ways to release your pain and bitterness as well as pour yourself out into other people and try to be tough. You must also learn to communicate effectively with your spouse, resolve your conflicts amicably, and try to build trust in the marriage so that you can improve your marriage and create conditions that will make it unattractive for your spouse to seek excitement and satisfaction outside the marriage.
How to Survive the Affair
Will you consider asking God to give you help if your spouse has an affair?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio