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A Day Too Late...Part 1
What Matters Most?
So many of us take things for granted and never truly realize how blessed we are. To have family and friends. Family and friends are who make up our world.
My Mother inspired me to write this book though she has gone on. Maybe this is a sign that she is still with me.
I cared for my mother in my home (which became our home) the last seven years of her life. I am so thankful for the time I had with her. My mother battled with cancer the last three years of her life and passed away in 2006. I was by her side everyday during those seven years until the day before she died. She seemed to be getting stronger so I left the hospital where she was at 2pm and went home to get some rest. I wound up sleeping the entire night and the phone rang the next morning and it was the hospital saying that they had called a code on my mother and that she was passing. I rushed to the hospital but it was too late,. I was a day too late".
I struggled with guilt for leaving her that day and I'm still not over it, but I remembered the last words we shared and i am given some peace in knowing that I had told her i loved her and she said.. I love you too. Thank God for these last words.
Now I am inspired to ask anyone out there..What do you want your last words to be? Is there someone you love that you have grown apart from over petty quarrels, and the two of you can't seem to find your way back, back to the love you once shared. Do you have any hopes for reconcilition? Do you want to live with regrets and if onlys because I have lived with them for six years and I'm here to tell you it's not easy, because it's never easy to lose someone you love. I don't want to see anyone go through what i have went through. You think you are struggling now but you will never realize the struggle you will be facing when this happens to you... and it will because death is inevitable and it's final until we meet in heaven. I don't think people take this as serious as they should.
Is it time to ask yourself..what would you want your last words to be? Have you said them or are you holding back because you are afraid you may be percieved as weak and vulnerable or are you just being stubborn. Maybe pride is holding you back. Whatever it is, ask yourself if any of these things are as important to you as they are? If they measure up to the love you have for this person, because this is important, more important than you may realize at this moment. God says in Colossians 3:12-14 'to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with eachother and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity'. God wants us to bear with one another and forgive. Is there time?
In my experience, when I'm on the outs with someone it eats at me every waking day. I'd wake up angry and frustrated. I'd try to ignore what it was doing to me and put the blame elsewhere and just sluff it off like it was a bad dream, but It finally got my attention. Why..because I witnessed it first hand.. so I decided to do my part and make my amends whether accepted or not so I could move past it.
There's never any guarentee that an apoligy will be excepted because we can't change anyone but ourselves. I focused on the one I have to live with, and that's me. I know I did my part and now I'm free of it. The rest is in God's hands.
Sometimes good intentions carry no weight, because there could be issues with trust, insecurities or betrayal's from the past that one hasn't delbt with, and for some it may take more time to heal. We need to have the desire to move forward before healing can begin. Some are held in bondage and never be aware of it. I know because I was that person. One can change, but one must first be willing. All we can do is pray for restoration. God will do the rest. After all, we weren't doing so well up until now. There is a time for every purpose under the sun. Issues stem from past experiences, and are carried over into the here and now, the life we are living today, but without them we wouldn't be where we are now because there was a purpose behind everyone of them. They are meant to teach us and to restore us. The question is...are we ready to learn?
On another note, lets talk about our bodies. We know our bodies have a natural healing process. Our bodies know when there is something foreign within us, something that doesn't belong, so our immune system kicks in to prevent us from harm. Our bodies are at work 24/7 promoting the healing process whether physical or mental. If we deny that healing process by refusing to learn and continue carrying ill feelings, we halt the healing process. This can lead to disease.
Everything we think and feel effects our bodies. Everything we eat effects our bodies.We truly reap what we sow. Whatever goes in effects us and it will reveal itself in one form or another. It will find its way to the surface. It yearns to be delbt with, so healing can begin. It is for our benefit and our peace of mind. Healing/restoration cannot take place until we seek after the truth that is within us. God says 'the truth shall set us free' and 'seek and ye shall find'. We will not be free until we begin seeking. there is freedom in the truth.
Truth can either disable us or free us. If we deal with the truth, it will free us. The longer we avoid the truth, the more harm it will do to us. Countless things will try to cover up the truth and bury it way down deep within us. It may be buried deep, but it is still there.
There are numerous things that will supress the truth, like lies, excuses, blame, vengence, hate, anger, selfishness, jealousy, self pity and pride. How can anyone move forward if their weighed down with this sort of baggage? It takes more courage to be honest and take responsibilty for our actions. It takes selflessness, humility, compassion, love and forgiveness. And look at the rewards! The rewards will show up in countless ways.
Some of us are afraid to be honest and take responsibility for fear of losing our dignity. Our charactor could be exposed and ridiculed. As for myself, I would find more charactor and compassion in someone taking responsibility for their actions than someone keeping silent and acting as if nothing and no-one mattered. As if love and compassion were the furthist thing from their minds. If we don't deal with what is disrupting us, it will come back on us in several ways. We will continually be reminded of it, suppressed by it, never learn from it, and not grow from it and it will manifest itself into some form of disease. It will strike back. I believe this is why there is so much disease today.
I hope you are finding this interesting because I have begun 'Part 2' and it should be ready soon.Thank you and God bless!