- Gender and Relationships»
Image of two paths joining together
Can two make it work as one?
Making it work
Relationships can be beyond hard to make work. Sometimes you and your mate might not see things eye to eye. Other times it will be someones opinion (which doesn't have anything to do with the relationship because they are not in the relationship.) that seems to pull a stray thread and begins the unraveling process. Yet, there are times when neither person in the relationship wants to admit that they are not compatible and so they find that all efforts still lead them to the end of the relationship.
When you find yourself with that one person that you are completely in love with that you just don't want to be without, how do you know it is love and not just an obsession? How do you deal with conflicts or the overbearing opinions of the people around you who keep trying to poke holes in your relationship because they can't see from your prospective?
As far as outside sources just let them know that you have two very different sets of eyes and see things in different lights. Also that what determines the worth of a relationship is the value that the two people in it have for each other. As long as the people in the relationship are willing to fight for it then it is worth fighting for in the end.
Everyone in a relationship will have a conflict. There will be that one thing that you just can't stand and your partner will do it without realizing it. There will be that overly flirtatious person of the opposite sex that makes you insecure. The overly clingy co-worker of the opposite sex who claims to just be friendly in hopes to make you look insecure to your mate, and in exchange making them feel like they are better than you. The truth, as everyone knows, is that they would feel the same way if someone else put them into the same situation. The question is how do you deal with any of this?
While in the middle of conflict, try never to yell or scream at your partner...this only makes matters worse. Instead, even if they are yelling, try to stay calm and rational. Tell them bluntly, without calling them any names, how you feel. Allow them time to respond with how they feel. Then move onto why you feel this way, explain it to them because often they won't get your perspective right off the bat. Then also try to understand their perspective by putting yourself in their place. Talk it out, try to find a happy medium and compromise. Compromise is word you are going to have to keep in your head if you want to make any relationship work. You have to be willing to do this even in events of the clingy or overly flirtatious people of the opposite sex because sometimes your partner can't control who they work with but they can place boundaries between themselves and the other person, which is the solution that is acceptable in this situation.
Let me make it clear that when I am saying to compromise on certain issues I am not saying to sell yourself short, or compromise yourself...By the way, if your partner truly loves you they will never want to see you sell yourself short. Love is supposed to be meant to build us up, not tear us down...This leads us to last situation when it is just not "meant to be."
Sometimes people will get with a person who is like "oh by the way you have to change who you are so we can work." Quick, plain, and simple advice: They are not worth it, move on. Some of you might not like to hear it but those types of relationships are dangerous for everyone involved. On that I am an expert...I was with a guy who did that to me, and for three years I was miserable until he found someone new that he could actually control. There are women like that too, so don't feel like this is a war on either side of the sexes. Nobody is worth your confidence, your sense of self, or your morals.
Next time you are in a conflict try approaching without raising your voice or throwing any objects and it might be enlightening. You will find that you will actually be furthering yourself on your journey together with your mate.