ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A Lasting Friendship is like a Marriage: Both Require Understanding, Dedication, and Commonality

Updated on December 6, 2013

Best Friends

Best friends taking a break from shopping
Best friends taking a break from shopping | Source

The Reasons Friendships Are Created

Carvallo and Pelham (2006), in their research on why people form friendships, claim that people are often drawn to one another because of the way they were treated by others in the past. According to Carvallo and Pelham (2006), stereotypes, prejudice, and discrimination and what people have had to encounter because of them are the factors that can draw people to one another. Other researchers, Williams and Sommer (as cited in Carvallo and Pelham, 2006), point out that a sense of belonging is the force that brings people together. There is a desire to be accepted that drives all of us.

The attraction is immediate and it is an unconscious activity. Mengly Hernandez (as cited in Rosenblum, 2008), disagrees with this to a certain extent by saying it is not easy to open oneself to strangers. According to Hernandez (Rosenblum, 2008), people have to be on their guard because most people are looking for something when they meet new people. When Lisa and I first met in the parking lot outside our kids' classroom, the friendship attraction was immediate, but we also had things in common that didn't take long to discover. For example, she had a boy and I had a girl. For some unexplainable reason, the kids were immediately drawn to one another. They were only first graders, but they chased one another all over the school grounds and wanted to spend every minute away from school together. My daughter would spend the night at Lisa's apartment for a sleep-over. Lisa became like an aunt to my daughter and when I had to work, Lisa took care of her. Lisa and I are from the same economic background and we both have husbands who spend most of their waking hours at work. Best friends Jamie Lee Curtis and jewelry designer, Cathy Waterman (Lieberman and Herman, 2004, Apr.) have the same type of friendship and claim their friendship is based around their families.

Even though our kids are grown now (hers is married and lives several miles away up north and mine is a full-time graduate student in Los Angeles), Lisa and I spend as much time as we can together. We are like the old married couple who have done everything together.

The Meeting

I have had many friends over the years. Some friendships have lasted, and some dissolved just as soon as they were created. There are many types of friends: the ones who only use you as a partner to hang out with, the ones who come to you for money, the ones who use you as a sounding board. Trying to discover what you have in common with these new friends is the same process you go through when you first meet someone whom you want to see romantically.

It was with Lisa that I quickly learned what a true friend is. When I informed her I would have to stop our daily walk around the track so I could work a full-time job, she understood. When I told her I was leaving Los Angeles, the city where our friendship had blossomed, to join my husband in San Diego, she understood. Through the twenty-odd years that we have been friends, she has never questioned any of my decisions, Instead, she has supported me through everything. And I have tried to do the same for her.

As with all long-term relationships, we have been through both the good times as well as the hard. The key to keeping the relationship strong is sharing everything, the laughter, the screams, as well as the pain. And a sense of humor has helped us endure.

How long do two people have to know one another before they become like a married couple?

See results

Understanding and Compassion

Like the married couple who knows everything about one another, Lisa and I both know everything about each other, share everything, and love one another despite what we know and what we have shared. Because we have been best friends for over twenty years, we have grown together. Lisa understands me better than anyone else does, and this includes my husband, my kids, and other friends. She was my backbone when my husband had to move to another city for work. And now that my husband and I have been reunited, she understands my every mood, my every word, and is quick to forgive me when I say the wrong thing. I know that I can count on her because of the experiences we have shared. Most importantly, she has never and I believe she will never judge me for anything I have already done and what I may do in the future.

References

Carvallo, M. & Pelham, B.W. (2006). When friends become friends: The need to belong and perceptions of personal and group discrimination. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.90 (1) 94-108.

Lieberman, E. & Herman, J.P. (2004, Apr.) Soul sisters.InStyle. 11 (4).422 - 430.

Rosenblum, E. (2008, Jul 28 - Aug 4). Best friends: They look like sisters. They finish each other's sentences. Look book meets the BFFs. The Look Book: Best Friends Edition.

Comments

Submit a Comment

No comments yet.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)