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A Lesson in how to shop with your Wife

Updated on July 20, 2011

One weekend this summer, my wife decided she wanted to go shopping at the mall and she further decided that it would be a good idea if I accompany her even though I had important business at home in the form of a nice sporting event on the Golf Channel (nothing beats the golf channel to stimulate a good nap).

One approach I could have used was to argue that I have no interest in shopping and I would be more of a hindrance than a help. Instead I made it an investment:

First, I drove to the mall and parked in a nice space that was safely away from all the other cars – it meant walking a bit but at least you don’t have to worry about someone opening their door and scratching your car. (in case you’re keeping track of points – that’s one)

As she shopped I patrolled the store looking at other women shopping (that’s two points).

I sampled all the men’s colognes one at a time and came over to her after spraying each one on my arm (same arm) – it went like this:

“How do you like this one?”

“What is it?”



Come back 5 minutes later – she’s a little annoyed (three points)

“How about this?”

“What is it?”

“Dolce Cabbana”

“Ah – not good – did you put it over the Giorgio?”

Come back 5 minutes later to her saying: “what is it now?” (four points)

“How about this?”

“What is that?”

“I added Bvlgari”

“Ugh – go find the sporting goods section or something”

Come back 5 minutes later to “The Look” (five points)

“How about now?”

“Yuk, what is all that?”


“That’s for women!”

“You like?”

“Your arm smells like a chemical plant!” (six points)

Then we drove home and she made me put my arm out the window because she’s choking on the fumes of all those perfumes mixed together (extra points)

When we got home she said “That’s the last time I ask you to go shopping” (game, set, match)

There’s a business lesson here somewhere, if only I could find it…


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    • RetroBrothers profile image

      Martin Allan 6 years ago from Sunny Scotland

      Very good!

      I like to go shopping - as in I know what I want, I go to the shop, I buy it, then I go home.

      I will be using your techniques from now on. :-)

    • danielleantosz profile image

      danielleantosz 6 years ago from Florida

      lol, but we are on to your tricks! My partner likes to pull the whole "doing a chore wrong" bit.

    • camsolivia profile image

      Camille Olivia Strate 6 years ago from Planet Earth

      You are a VERY smart man! Bravo on winning the match. And, by the way, even though I'm a woman (and a heterosexual woman at that), I do NOT going to the mall; so I shall use your tactics next time I get asked. Thanks for the tips!