- Gender and Relationships»
A Letter From Your Children - The Case Against Divorce
Dear Mom and Dad,
Yesterday you came to me and said that things were not working out between you two. You said that this happens sometimes in "adult relationships" and that divorcing was what mommies and daddies do when things don't work out. You explained how mommy and daddy yell a lot and it isn't productive-- how mommy and daddy have fallen out of love and how it is normal. You explained all these emotions that occur in this adult world of yours, hoping that I would only understand. Then you both smiled reassuringly and said to me, "This is for the best for you kids. You will be happier in the long run."
But, the axe really dropped when you started discussing this thing that you refer to as "shared custody". You explained that mommy and daddy would live in separate houses and that I would now split my time between two houses. But, you told me this would be okay because now I would have two houses and TWO SETS OF TOYS. You told me that the love would be doubled into my life because I would now have two homes.
Well, here is the problem. I do not understand your grown-up way of thinking. I know I am only an 8-year-old child and so that it probably the reason I do not understand your thinking. I realize that I have "yet to mature" as you always say and that one day after I "mature" I will magically understand adult thinking. But, for now, I am still an 8-year-old child and I hope that you will listen to the things that I do not understand.
Daddy, I do not understand why you fell out of love with my mommy. I do not understand how anyone could fall out of love with my mommy because, frankly, she is the most wonderful woman I have ever met in the entire world. I do not understand how anyone could fall out of love with mommy's hopeful laugh, her twinkling hazel eyes that change color with her moods, the wonderful home-cooked meals that mommy makes, and especially those wonderful, warm hugs that mommy gives us. I do not understand how you could fall out of love with a woman who has so much love to give.
Mommy, I do not understand why you are allowing daddy to walk away. I saw you crying the other night when you hoped that no one would see you. I know that you do not want to hurt us and I know that you believe in showing a brave face.
Daddy, I do not understand why you need to leave mommy just because you made a "new woman friend". And I do not understand it when you say that someday I will come to love her as much as I love my mommy. I know you promised she will cook wonderful food for us and bring us lots of toys and even read bedtime stories when we stay at your new house. I know that you say that you love your new friend and you hope that we will love your new friend like you do. Daddy, I do not want to hurt your feelings, but your new friend is not my mommy. So, please do not feel bad if I do not love her the same way I love my mommy.
Daddy and Mommy, I know I am just a child and that you have told me these decisions are not up to me. I know you have told me that life brings us things we do not expect.
But, I need to tell you what I want. I want you and daddy to stay together. I do not want to have two houses or two sets of toys. I do not want to have to love another mommy. I do not want my life to change.
Daddy, sometimes when I get mad or cry when a bully hurts me at school, you tell me that I can change my feelings. You tell me that I do not have to let the bully make me feel bad.
Well, daddy, I am asking you now why you cannot change your feelings. Daddy, why can't you decide to love mommy and love mommy only and then stay with her? It sounds easy to me, but I am just a child and I do not understand the adult world yet.
Mommy and Daddy I know that you will do whatever you want to do and that I am just a child. I have no say in this decision. But, I want you to know that I am going to cry a lot and that I do not think I will ever understand why you are doing this. If becoming an adult one day will allow me to understand why you are ruining my life, then I do not think I want to become an adult.
Daddy and Mommy, please don't divorce.
Daddy please tell your "woman friend" that you already have a woman friend in mommy and that mommy is all you need.
Because the truth is, I do not want to live in a family where I have to have two houses, two mommies, and two sets of toys.