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Letter TO An Ex-Husband

Updated on March 3, 2018
revmjm profile image

Rev. Margaret Minnicks is an ordained Bible teacher. She posts many articles online that are really Bible lessons.

My Dearest Ex-Husband,

Hopefully, you will read this letter. When you see it is from me, you might put it in the trash. So if you are reading, I have a lot to say. A lot of things have been pent up within me since that hot summer day when our marriage was dissolved like a lump of sugar in a cup of hot tea. What a way to describe the ending of a 12-year marriage.

I did not understand at the time how I would ever get over you and get on with my life. I have been constantly reminded that "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

You Were Happy After Our Divorce

You seemed so happy with the divorce. After all, you were the one who initiated it. I remember distinctly how you walked away from the courtroom not even casting a glance my way. The look on your face seemed as if you were thinking to yourself, "Here I am, world, free again!"

Through 15 months of going through the pain and agony of divorce, I could see you were very pleased to separate your life from mine. Despite the way I felt that dreadful day, I knew I had to get on with my life. Unfortunately, it had to be without you. Legally we were divorced with shared custody of two minor children. Our property and possessions had been split down the middle, but emotionally I was still joined to you just as much as that day we said, "I do." at the altar vowing to be with each other forever.

Two Hearts Severed

For several years after our divorce, my heart still ached for you. I tried to forget the heated arguments and then the bitter silence that had occurred often during our twelve years of marriage. Like the hands on a clock, our marriage did not go past the number twelve. It seemed as though our marriage had gone full circle.

I have gone over the years of our marriage a thousand times in my mind and have tried to understand why people who start out so much in love like we did could have a man with a black robe give one tap with his gavel and the marriage is all over. How could two human hearts intertwined into one now be severed in two?

When Was the Exact Moment?

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment when I noticed that your feelings had changed toward me. Was it the time I told you I wanted to be my own person? Was it the time I began thinking for myself? I don't know what caused you to turn away from me both in bed and out of bed. The only thing I can remember is that you did, and it hurt!

I remember during our arguments you would say things to me that were really mean. For instance, one time you said that I was not happy and would never be happy and you weren't even going to try to make me happy. What a cruel thing to say to the woman you married and the mother of your two beautiful children? You were mean to me in other ways. Some I have forgotten, but then there are some cruel things that I will always remember.

I remember vividly that you and I were on our way to a PTA meeting when our son was in the third grade. As we were walking up the sidewalk to the school, I tripped and fell. You kept right on walking as if I was invisible. Passer-bys had to help me to the nurse's office for her to bandage up my ankle.

Not "Love Notes"

I also remember during the latter part of our divorce proceedings while both of us were still living in the house, you left notes all over the house with the word "INSECURE" written in big bold letters. You posted them everywhere so I could see them: on the bathroom mirror, on the television screen, in my closet, and on the refrigerator door.

When I thought I had found them all, I located another one in the silverware drawer as I was about to set the table for dinner. I really thought that was the last of the notes until I went to bed that night. As I laid my head on the pillow I heard the rustling of paper. Oh, no there was another note in my pillowcase. I must say you were creative, but don't you think that was childish and really mean?

Missed You

No matter how bad you treated me, I admit for a while after the divorce, I missed you very much. I still thought I heard your footsteps coming home at night. I still set an extra plate at the table, but your place remained empty.

In a conversation later, I asked you if you ever regretted divorcing me. You shut me up real fast by saying, "No, I don't regret divorcing you; I regret even having married you."

Well, it has been several years now since our divorce. We have gone our separate ways. I have been comforted in knowing that you love your children. It's their mother you had a problem with. I have never said anything negative about you to turn them away from you. It is a terrible thing that a five-year-old and a three-year-old child had to be caught up in this mess. They have been a comfort to me. I try to hide my depression and mood swings, but I sense they know that I'm not really happy.

Your Second Marriage

By the way, I heard that you remarried before the ink dried on our divorce decree. That was quick. Could there have been someone else in the picture while we were married? I wish the best for both of you. I hope she will be spared from the cruel things you did to me. However, I forgive you! If I don't I will come down to your level. If I do, I can move on and out of a past I cannot change. Like the phoenix, I shall rise from the ashes. It's not the rising I am worried about. It's the time in the ashes that is so painful.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Wife

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    • BJC profile image

      BJC 

      6 years ago from Florida

      Oh my goodness this was so real!!! I could feel all the emotion as I was reading and started to tear up!!

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      mariefontaine, thanks for your comment.

    • mariefontaine profile image

      mariefontaine 

      7 years ago from Indianapolis, Indiana

      Forgiveness is so important and in this letter, you prove that one does not have to hear someone say I'm sorry in order to pardon the transgressions of the other. It is SO liberating. I love your creative mind and the way you have laid out this series of letters.

    • gretchen c profile image

      gretchen c 

      7 years ago

      This is another good letter. However, marriage is never always one good person and always one bad person. A lot of heartache could be avoided if people were truly ready for marriage. No book can ever tell you everything that will go wrong in a marriage. You have to rely on your gut instincts-if he treated me this way once-is this an occurrence or is this a habit?

      Do marriages last 60 years or so if two people just get married after falling head over heels? Yes they do. But the majority of marriage rely on common courtesy for your spouse. Would you treat your parents the way you just treated your spouse? Or if you are spiritual, would you treat Jesus that same way? Would Jesus treat you that same way?

      Read ICorinthians Chapter 13 in the Bible and try placing your beloved's name in the space where is states "love is..."

      Or if you need spice to your marriage, try reading The Song of Solomon in the Old Testament in the Bible. That will definitely keep the fires burning.

      I have had enogh failed relationships and sad to say, a couple of divorces. however, my soul mate and I are determined never to see another divorce court again. You have to be fierce in protecting your lover at any cost. Don't ever bad mouth them to a parent because that parent will never forget what you said.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      CDL Career Coach, yep I did paint a vivid picture, didn't I?

    • CDL Career Coach profile image

      CDL Career Coach 

      7 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      You do put a lot of feeling into these letters, they all feel real (read 3, going to read #4 next). I've been this one with a husband who didn't care. It's been a long time and I'm not remarried. It's hard to trust another man again after one treats you so badly, one that said he loved you to begin with and acted the part before those wedding vows.

    • crystolite profile image

      Emma 

      7 years ago from Houston TX

      Interesting hub.

    • profile image

      MegaFox5 

      7 years ago

      I'm a poet too. I've been a poet since my freshman year in high school.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      MegaFox5 and Phoebe Pike: Thanks for reading and giving so much credit to my letter. It was fictional. I hadn't thought of creating a book of them, but you know it just might be a good idea. A lot of the great poets started out by writing letters.

    • profile image

      Phoebe Pike 

      7 years ago

      This was a really powerful piece. Are you going to create a book of letters? If so, please let me know where to purchase it because this is one of the most emotionally moving fictional pieces I have ever read. Congrats!

    • profile image

      MegaFox5 

      7 years ago

      First things first, I was reading the intro of the story and I really liked what you said, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it is yours. It it doesn't, it never was." That's pretty powerful in my eyes. I've never been married because I'm only 23 and have been with my boyfriend for almost 1 year and 8 months. After reading this, I thought what he did was way beyond what any human had the capability of doing. I mean, I was shocked to find that he didn't lift a finger to help you up when you fell and hurt your ankle but luckly there was people there who cared. Like I always tell myself, it's not up to us to change them, it's up to them. Sometimes you find yourself wanting to change them because you think they can be changed but sometimes you just have to let them be if they don't change. Just remember this; no matter what he has put you through, no matter what he has said to you, you're still strong willed. I don't what divorce feels like but I do know what a broken heart feels like. This letter is awesome because despite the fact that you were hurting, you held your head high and stood up to him and you told him how he made you feel when he such a dumbass for saying the things he said. Congrats=]

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Alexander, thanks for reading and responding. The article is fictional. But it does happen. In fact, worse things than these happen in real life.

    • Alexander Pease profile image

      Alexander Pease 

      7 years ago from Maine

      This is a really sad, touching letter. I really feel for the woman narrating.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Motown2Chitown: Thank you for reading and responding.

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 

      7 years ago

      Well done. I'm grateful to know it was fiction, but it brings a sadness to my heart to realize that some of those things have happened to someone out there.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      7 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Rhonda Waits: As a writer I made up a whole series of letters this morning as if they were coming from these people. I must say that I am happy that this letter seemed so real that you thought it was. Thanks for reading. I am flattered by the encouraging words you offered.

    • Rhonda Waits profile image

      Rhonda Musch 

      7 years ago from The Emerald Coast

      This is truly sad. You have two children together. If he wished he would have never married you, then he is wishing your children away. He is a loser and he never deserved you in the first place. You are far to good for him. They say a leopard never changes its spots, so don't worry you will not be the last woman he hurts. Forgive but not forget this manner in which he treated you. Move on with your life. You have only one, don't let him take the rest of yours, from you.

      This is only one womans opinion. Good luck to you.

      Sweet wishes Rhonda

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